Response to “Keep Fighting”, previous post.

.

Amen! I was an alienated child as well… I grew to understand what was going on and my heart did beat a different tune, anytime my mom pounded it into me that my dad was a horrible person. Him and I are the closest we’ve been and he’s a GREAT man and father!

.

.

As shared on The Fathers Rights Movement, 5-26-15.  Response to “Keep Fighting”, previous post.

#125, Overcoming PAS

A message of encouragement to parents in the midst of PAS.

.

Amber Dawn

I just wanted to post on your wall, and hope that your friends and everybody else see’s this. Parental alienation is a serious matter, it’s so unfortunate that so many fathers have to be alienated from their children, and speaking from experience (being an alienated child) I know the pain, and the severity of the situation. It is unjust, and cruel, and no one should have to live without their parent/child because of someone else who is selfish by nature, and feels the need to subjugate their children because of their own negative emotions, that they cannot separate from the situation, and see just how vast the damage is, that is being done. Not only does the alienated parent have to get up everyday without their child, children are also suffering, and we all know the facts about what happens when a child feels as though one parent doesn’t want them (which sadly happens a lot of times because they cannot fathom why their father isn’t in their lives, especially young ones who cannot see the truth)

Though, I want every single father to know who is reading this, who has a child that is separated from them. No matter what kind of hostility that is being instilled in their minds, no matter how they even react to a situation, their hearts beat a different tune. They may be influenced vastly by the parent that is alienating them, but their hearts speak a different story – they still love you, they still care, and because of the harrowing situation they don’;t understand. They are being manipulated and despite what their minds are telling them, what they are being taught – they can never eradicate the love they have in their hearts for you. Speaking from experience, they miss you, they love you, and they are being taught to hate, to be hostile – this is not who they are deep down. No matter what, don’t stop fighting, because there are happy endings. You cannot manipulate somebody forever, eventually they will see the truth, and it will come back and bite the one doing the manipulation. Just know that love is the strongest bond there is, and no amount of alienation is going to destroy it. Even if their love is intangible and hard to detect or reach, it is there. Never stop fighting, and never stop believing that in each and every one of your children’s hearts, you are there.

I am so sorry to each and every one of you going through this situation. I wish you all the very best, and just know, keep fighting.

“Keep fighting – even if it breaks your heart.”

.

.

As shared on The Fathers Rights Movement, May 26, 2015.

Link to FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Fathers4kids?fref=nf

#124, Keep Fighting

An adult child of divorce talks about his pain and suffering when he was abducted by his mother.  He uses his experience to advocate for stricter laws to prevent other children from the horrors he suffered. 

.

A Rochester man who suffered through parental abduction as a child was in Albany on Tuesday to fight for tougher laws that will prevent other children going through a similar trauma.

Scott Berne is pushing for tougher legislation against parental abductions.

“My mother did not serve one day of jail time for kidnapping me,” Berne said. “Thirty years ago, it’s the same law.  It’s a slap on the wrist.”

“This is an issue with enormous long term consequences for children,” said Assemblywoman Shelley Mayer, D-Yonkers.

Berne joined and state Sen. Patty Ritchie, co-sponsors of the Custodial Interference/Recovery of Missing Children Act.

“It really changes the dynamic pretty dramatically, and it puts us in a better position to protect kids when those laws are enhanced,” said Ed Suk, National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

According to the Justice Department, 200,000 children are abducted by their parents each year in the U.S., but in New York state, it’s just a misdemeanor.

“During those two years, we changed names constantly, didn’t go to school, had no friends, faced constant abuse from her,” Berne said.

Berne hopes his story can help change that.

“Hearing other cases is very frustrating.  Here we are 31 years later and the laws in New York State are not strong enough to keep kids safe,” Berne said.

In the early 1980s, Berne’s story made national headlines. Today, Scott works in real estate in Rochester. He’s also a strong advocate for children’s rights.

“The idea they can take their child, leave the state, the country and put their child at risk is unacceptable.”

Berne has been here before to testify on the subject.  He and lawmakers are again making a push.

“It is humbling. Gratitude, absolute gratitude that I survived and now I can use them here 31 years later in keeping kids safe, so other children don’t have to go through what I experienced.”

.

.

Rochester NY, TWC News, by Seth Voorhees, May 19, 2015

Link with video: http://www.twcnews.com/nys/rochester/news/2015/05/19/parental-abduction-laws-.html fb_action_ids=1598196503766586&fb_action_types=og.shares

#118, Experience with PAS

One of the most difficult aspects of PA is reconciling the negative impact on your child! Who has said what about you? Does your child believe everything they hear? Will your child EVER know how much you truly love them? Want to see them? Want to spend time with them? Will they every realize how much you fought to see them? Will they know you sacrificed everything for an opportunity to be a parent to them? All to no avail!

This parent articulates the frightening power PA.

.

.

.

SPAN Stop Parental Alienation Now,

#116, The Toll of PA

.

The effects of PAS are felt every single second!  Of every single hour!   Of every single day!  There is no escape from the emotional turmoil!  The wretched toll on the soul permeates every aspect of the parents life.

This father perfectly expresses the profound impact of PAS on the alienated parent. 

.

I don’t dream peacefully during this turmoil time.

I don’t smile gracefully, suit these tensed moments.

I feel no warmth when the sunlight touches my brow.

I want peace, because I’ve had a lifetime of war.

I want cuddles and kisses, tantrums and tears.

I want to pack lunch boxes and to do school runs.

When you know what’s best for your child and your being stopped, due to ones gain.

I know you look on this page often.

You are not welcome!

.

.

Fathers That Care, March 28, 2015

#115, The Pain of PAS

A child follows in the footsteps of their parents!  

Perfect advice from a loving father to his son!

.

I want to prepare my child to go a step further than me. The bench mark I set is realistic, with simple demands.

• Honour your Mother and Father
• Respect those around you
• Work hard and save
• Be true to yourself
• Live with no regrets
• Enjoy every moment of life
• I will invest all the good I have in you, so make me proud, my son……

.

.

Father’s that Care, April 30, 2015

#114, Every Father

This mother shares the reality of divorce in that the child has TWO parents.  She outlines the devastation of alienation on the the child’s development and offers advice for parents going through a divorce!

.

Children deserve the love and support of both parents.What I find quite funny as a parent (mother) who works with her ex to make sure that her child is loved, supported and so that my child never knows the feeling of not having both of us around, is this……..

Most alienators I know, go for the throat. They want pay back, control, they want to bleed the other parent financially dry. They don’t want the other parent to have a voice, to have any time with their child/children and they make it their goal to belittle, bad-mouth and tear down the character of the alienated parent.

So let me ask this, if I was bitter at my ex, if I wanted to prove a point, if I wanted to raise our child by myself and not let my ex have any relationship at all with ‘our’ child, why on earth would I try so hard to keep the ex in my life? Why on earth would I want his money? Why on earth would I constantly go him for financial help or go after property, material things and the constant battle of court?

Doesn’t make sense.

If an alienator was really smart, firstly they wouldn’t do what they do on a daily basis that constantly hurts many, and they certainly wouldn’t cry poor or accept any help from an ex they hate or feel is unfit right? The constant belittling, the constant using their children as weapons, unhealthy right? The one thing constant in their lives is their hate of themselves and their continued support in hating the ex (the alienated) How on earth does this make sense?

Alienators are WEAK – Period.

.

.

#113, Who Wins in Alienation?

This father shares the perils of divorce and the influence the co-parent has on his daughter.   He discusses how values and morals impact the co-parent relationship and ultimately, the child.  Sadly, his attempts to maintain a relationship with his daughter have been unsuccessful.

I was informed that my now 18 year old daugher refers to me as a “sperm donor” despite the fact that I was in her life until the age of 9 living with her mother, and for years I continued to try and be in her life, and being a positive influence. Divorce though dredges up a lot of negative feelings and comments that aren’t mutually exclusive to either parent.

That said, many of the comments coming out of her now “adult” mouth are a reflection of her mother’s continued verbal attacks, while my daugher denounces any criticism of her mother. Can you see the hypocrisy? It’s ok for her mother to say whatever she wants about me, but anything remotely critical I may say, even if warranted, is off limits. The implication is, her mother is perfect, beyond reproach as it would seem she is also. It’s that kind of arrogance many of us are fighting as it’s that kind of arrogance that ties into men not being allowed to parent because women are commonly portrayed as the more important parent. 

One dad shares the heartache of divorce and how this has impacted the relationship with his daughter.  He offers advice to parents who are talking about divorce.  Sadly, the relationship with his daughter is forever tainted.  

This is a blatant reminder that children need to have a relationship with both parents.  NO ONE comes out ahead when one parent puts obstacles in the way of the parent child relationship.  And, the child misses out-big time!!!!!

I met my daughters mother when I was 19 and on Active duty Army. I was in a rapid deployment unit and thought at times I would be sent to combat. We saw each other when we could and soon she got pregnant. I thought the only honorable thing to do was to go to the justice of the peace and marry her. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I got out of the Army and tried to live as a lot of Americans do, work, school,and provide for my family. It was hard, money was tight. We fought about everything. Soon we realized that we needed help. We went to counseling and prayed together, but we soon realized that we were polar opposites.

One weekend, after I got home from the midnight shift, I was just about to fall asleep, and I heard a knock on the door. It was a process server, who told me to appear in court in two days for a custody hearing. This caught me by surprise, since my daughters mother was suppose to be staying with her mom for the weekend. Well, I went around town to try to find a lawyer on little income, but the more I listened and payed the 50 dollar consultation fee, the more I realized how ignorant I was. I eventually settled to use one lawyer which happen to be my ex’s mom’s boss since she was a paralegal. They talked to my like they really cared, big mistake!
We got the standard divorce, split holidays and weekends. I went to college and worked two jobs. I never missed a child support payment and carried full medical and dental on my daughter. After graduating college, I made more money, and she came at me for an increase in child support. I spent my entire 20’s, getting my daughter every other weekend, since I had to work some weekends.
In 2011, my mom got terminally ill and eventually died from breast cancer. While I was pushing my mom’s hair from her face, as she struggles to talk. She told me to go find happiness. I thought she was right! I reunited with my high school sweet heart and sat my daughter down and told her that I would be moving away, approx. 600miles.

I tried to modify visitation to half the summer. She gave me 3 weeks instead of 2. Anyways, I thought my daughter and I would be close because of technology and that she had flown on several airplanes since I worked for the airlines for 8 years while I was at college.

Unfortunately, My daughter quit coming to see me and now has stop talking to me. She is 16 years old and a teenager. She has no cellphone and I am blocked from calling her home phone. Her mom says that she doesn’t want me in her life because I am to mean.

Well, there is a lot of detail left out with my story, but I would have never predicted that my daughter would avoid me. I think of my self as the fun dad, cool dad. Also I have never missed a child support payment, so why my daughter’s mother hates me is mind boggling.

I have since remarried and so has she, but my first born who is 16 avoids me and if I call her mom’s cell to just ask to speak with my daughter, I get nasty text in return. I am so confused. I thought about taking legal action but what good will it do since my daughter is convinced that I am the bad for her.

I hope anyone who reads this both man and women can take from my story that if and when you get a divorce, please treat each other with respect and don’t use the kids as a tool to get back at the other person. Children really need both parents and parents need that connection too. Hopefully, my daughter will come around, until then I just monitor her Facebook, leave only sweet messages, and pray that she will realize how much I miss her.

.

.

.

Shared from Children-and-Divorce site by Joe (holly, MI).

Link: http://www.children-and-divorce.com/missing-my-daughter.html

#98, Missing My Daughter!!

One mom shares her experiences with Parental Alienation Syndrome. Taking a graduate course covering the topic of PAS  offered insight that saved the relationship with her children. 

My Experiences with Parental Alienation Syndrome

I still remember standing at the top of a sloping gravel driveway. My sister stood beside me; I was uncertain of the words we were trained to speak. As the black pick-up truck made its final ascent to our front door, I look at my sister. I look at my mother who is wearing an expression on her face, which I now identify as smug. Her eyes prod me and I fear not having the courage to say what I know in my heart is wrong, because the emotions I am feeling are hurt and fear.

As my father pulls his truck to a stop and peers out the window at us, my sister and I say simultaneously, “We don’t want to see you!” My father glares at my mother. He speaks no words. He stares at us. Does he see the fear in our eyes? What is he thinking? Tears well up in his eyes. He backs down the drive-way. I watch until his truck is gone and then I listen until I can hear his engine no more. I cry. I am seven-years-old.

It is May 2011, the month of Mother’s Day. It is the last time I will see my daughters for a while for they are moving with their father to another state—I sent them to him, because he has more money than I do; he can give them a better life. My ex-husband assures me that our pick-up spot is the same time and same place. It is the day of our rendezvous. I call. My ex-husband tells me that my daughters—who are age 7 and 9—do not want to see me. I am speechless with disbelieve. Our mother-daughter relationship is stable. Our visits have been joyful. I find my voice. I don’t believe you. It is your duty as their father to be supportive. How can you allow our children to decide our visitation arrangement? Oh, I see, you talked to your mother and she approved this message. I’m angry. I want to talk to my daughters. Their small voices carry across the air waves to my ear. Their voices communicate fear. I try to keep the steel from my voice. Pack your bags. I am coming to get you. It’s our last weekend together. And then I hear the words just as my sister and I said them so many years before, “We don’t want to see you!” The pain rises with the tears. I force my voice to remain calm. I now know what I have done. I will do no more damage. It’s okay. Mom loves you. Good bye.
I would not talk to my daughters for four months. I decided to stay out of their lives until they were old enough to make the decision to be in my life, until he could not use them as a weapon and damage them further. I don’t know if it was the right decision, but I was poor—as I am now—and I could afford no one to advocate my right in this joint custody arrangement. I had to trust that time would heal the wound. I didn’t know what my ex-husband and his wife said about me during that time of silence. I didn’t know if my daughters would ever want me in their lives again.

.

.

.

Marriage -Ecosystem: Parental Alienation Syndrome by Heather Blackwell.

Link:  http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/parental-alienation-syndrome.html

#96, Feuding Parents