Friendly Advice

One father shares a whimsical message. Seeking emotional support can be life altering. There are many groups by parents and professionals offering a life-line.  Custody matters can be daunting and emotionally taxing.  Reaching out for help is an important part of the process. You are not alone!

Friendly Advice, #522

Advice From a Divorce Attorney


A divorce attorney shares his thoughts on divorce.  Parents should work together to provide a home and family for their children.   This is an interesting take given his profession. Seeking counseling may be effective for some couples thinking about parental divorce, an important decision to make.  The focus of his words are on the true matters of divorce-the children!  He is right on the money.

Going through a divorce is hard. Divorce is especially hard when there are children involved. As a divorce attorney I have seen many couples continue to fight over the custody and financial support of their children.

I secretly think that parents should seek counseling before going through the motions of divorce. Fix the marriage and provide a life for your children. As planned, in the beginning, when your children were born.


#332, Advice from Divorce Attorney

Simple Advice


Advice for parents considering divorce.  Simple words that can make a huge difference in your child’s life.


.Parenting takes two………. two parents to raise,love and care for a child.  If you divorce, make sure your child still  has two parents to raise, love and care for them.



#155, Simple Advice

Important Advice


Life is all about choices!


The FIRST and Most Important Step in being a good father to your children is to discern and choose a good wife.



Shared on Fathers in the Field, May 12, 2015.

Link to FB page for Fathers in the Field:

#142, Important Advice

Marital advice


Marital advice that is short and to the point!


One thing is, that if you’re getting married, you should be sure of what you’re doing first. Once you have kids-stay married!



#130, Marital Advice

Advice for Parents


Words of wisdom for parents.


Divorce is most likely to wreak havoc when spouses declare war on each other and draft their kids.

– Constance Ahrons

Blog site: Adult Children of Divorce (ACOD): Shame, Empathy, and Resilience
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Pre-Divorce Counseling Advice


A pre-divorce group counseling session offered guiding words for this parent. 

My ex wife and I attended a pre-divorce group counseling session required by the judge. One quote really hit the nail on the head for me, “Most children of divorced parents are damaged, maybe 90%. The other 10% grow stronger from the experience.”

So I ask, which side of that coin do you want your children to be on: 90/10, damaged/strong?

Divorce is an emotional storm.

Divorce and kids can often be a messy combination. The judge’s statement, and the 90/10 statements, can help you go through this journey with integrity. Remember them often.

Act badly and your children will be damaged. Act with integrity and your children will grow strong.




Cliff Thomas shares the quote from Minnesota Judge Issues 200 Blunt Words to Divorcing Parents

Post link:

Site link:

#80, Pre-Divorce Counseling Advice


Judge has Blunt Words for Parents


The following advice from retired Minnesota Judge has been circulating for years among judges, attorneys and child advocates as powerful words of advice for all parents going through a divorce.  We hope you’ll take the time to read them!
Judge Michael Haas retired in December 2002 after 26 years of service as a Judge in Cass County, Minnesota.  In a letter written to advice columnist Abigail Van Buren as early as October 1994 by attorney Paul J. Kiltinen of Baxter, Minnesota, Mr. Kiltinen shared the following remarks by Judge Hass in a particularly difficult divorce case, describing the Judge’s remarks as “some of the most profound words of wisdom I’ve ever heard from the bench in all my years as an attorney.  His philosophy could provide insight to all parents, especially those who are involved in difficult dissolutions.”
Judge Haas’ concise advice in less than 200 words is so well known and so widely respected that it has been referenced in multiple appellate court decisions, including Burke v. Burke, Tennessee Court of Appeals, No. M2000-01111-COA-R3-CV, Aug. 7, 2001 and Krupp v. Cunningham-Grogan, Tennessee Court of Appeals, No. M2005-01098-COA-R3-CV, August 29, 2006.
It’s also been cited in Lawyers Weekly USA No. 9921543 and in Don R. Ash’s law review article, Bridge Over Troubled Water: Changing the Custody Law in Tennessee, 27 U. Mem. L. Rev. 769, 771-72 (1997).
Letter is transcribed below post.

Judge has blunt words m

Minnesota Judge Has 200 Blunt Words
for Divorcing Parents

By Judge Michael Haas

“Your children have come into this world because of the two of you. Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent. If so, that is your problem and your fault.

No matter what you think of the other party—or what your family thinks of the other party—these children are one-half of each of your. Remember that, because every time you tell your child what an “idiot” his father is, or what a “fool” his mother is, or how bad the absent parent is, or what terrible things that person has done, you are telling the child half of him is bad.

That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child. That is not love. That is possession. If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them into pieces, because that is what you are doing to their emotions.

I sincerely hope that you do not do that to your children. Think more about your children and less about yourselves, and make yours a selfless kind of love, not foolish or selfish, or your children will suffer.”




#79, Judge has Blunt Words for Parents

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