Welcome to the Place for Poetry of the Personal!

Stained glass 5 pt 11 inch no spaces

Confess your feelings of betrayal, fear, heartache or humiliation that you have experienced in your divorce or co-parenting situation.

Share a setting that you regret or a situation that may have caused anguish, misery or sorrow  for your co-parent.  Or, reveal actions that may have promoted emotional pain or unhappiness for your child.

Confessions are not limited to heartache only.  Please share heartwarming moments and happy experiences you have experienced in divorce and shared parenting too!  Perhaps, something your co-parent did or said that has enhanced your co-parenting relationship.  

Here is anopportunity to share the confessions about your divorce or co-parenting experiences. This can be something that you have told to family and friends or a private thought that has remained a secret…….until now. Focus on extreme moments of individual experiences.  

This is a place to confess what your co-parent did or said that led to your feelings of betrayal, fear or humiliation. Write about something that you enacted, a statement or a thought you expressed that caused grief for your co-parent, your child or yourself.  

We learn from others experiences and situations. Perhaps in reading these scenarios, co-parents can identify with issues they are also experiencing.   Hopefully,one can see how some actions can have long-term negative effects and cause pain for their co-parent or child!   Importantly, by reading these stories co-parents can see that they are not alone in the thoughts and feelings surrounding their divorce and co-parenting relationship.

Invitation is extended to:

  • Parents who are divorced or in the process of divorce.
  • Parents and co-parents (never married) who have children.
  • Parents who have or do not have a parenting plan in place.
  • Anyone interested in a front row seat to see the despair that divorce or co-parenting issues can have on a parent and how the actions impact the child.

Split Family

 

 

This artist shares a common them in divorce.  The obvious message is how everything changes in divorce. Artist states: “One nasty divorce later, and the identical twins are wishing their parents were totally different. Because they love each other! But now they have different last names, homes, and parental units. Together and apart at the same time!”

 

Deviant Art Split Family fred_and_family__2039_by_unsinkable_spirit

 

#459, Split Family

Deviant Art Split Family y unsinkable-spirit

Someone More Perfect

 

 

This talented artist creates a scene. Someone is asking “How is the baby?!” “And the divorce, everything going well?”… “How is Spac reacting to all this?”………. Looks like the baby is not doing so well.  He seems very sad. Eyes have a double row of tears. The lost and forlorn look on his face is very evident.  Sometimes, children need extra care and attention in the midst of a divorce. Seemingly, this child is somewhat forgotten. Excellent presentation of a child’s experience in divorce.

http://rainbowswetiie,deviantart.com/art/someone-more-perfect-683749422

Someone more perfect by RainbowSwetiie, Deviant Art

#458,  Someone More Perfect

Why Shared Parenting is Best

 

This mom outlines why shared parenting is best for her boys. Explaining her logic in a way many parents may relate. Thankfully for this family, Family Court in her state insisted on equal parenting. Imagine, if she proceeded with her plan.  What would her boys have missed out on? How would this fathers’ life have been impacted without having an open relationship and supportive co-parent?

I did not plan to get divorced. I did not plan to share legal and physical custody of my four children. In fact, in the early days of our divorce, I strongly believed that my then-husband should not evenly share parenting and decision making power with me.

I was wrong. Fortunately, our home state, Wisconsin, has a legal presumption toward shared parenting. Since the year 2000, Wisconsin courts have been legally required to presume joint legal custody  — which gives both parents equal rights to make decisions regarding their children — as in the best interests of the children. Wisconsin family courts are also required to “set a placement schedule that allows the child to have regularly occurring, meaningful periods of physical placement with each parent…that maximizes the amount of time the child may spend with each parent.”

 At the time of our divorce, that presumption didn’t seem fair to me. After all, up until the point of our divorce, I’d been the parent to schedule and take the children to all of their doctor’s appointments. I’d been the parent who researched education, health and parenting information, and the parent who spent the bulk of her time performing childcare. Why should I, the clearly involved parent, be forced share time and decision making power with a man who couldn’t be bothered to be involved when we were married?

That’s what I thought at the time. It’s perhaps obvious, but important to note, that I was hurt, angry and bitter at that point in my life. I never wanted to be a divorced parent, never wanted to “share” my children. I wanted my life to continue as it had been. I wanted my kids’ lives to continue without more disruption than absolutely necessary.

And — full disclosure — I’ll admit that I thought I was the better parent. I knew the boys’ father would continue to be a necessary part of their lives, but in my mind, at that time, he was a necessary but unpleasant obstacle. At times, I wished he’d go away all together.

That was more than five years ago. Since then, our boys have begun their trips through puberty. Since then, I’ve learned more about the role of fathers and the importance of males to adolescent male development. I’ve seen my sons’ need for their father and my point of view has changed. My boys’ dad is not an unpleasant obstacle; he’s an integral part of their lives. My boys are doing well today in large part because their dad is an active part of their lives.

Our was not an amicable divorce. We were upset with one another and we had some pretty serious disagreements about what was in the best interests of our children. There were times — plenty of times! — I wished I had sole legal custody so I could do what was “best” for our children.

I’ve come to realize, though, that it’s best for kids to spend plenty of time with both mom and dad. It’s best if both parents are very involved in day-to-day parenting, and it’s best to put the needs of the kids ahead of the parents’ needs or desires.

I thank the Wisconsin court system for presuming that shared parenting is in the best interest of children, because without that presumption, I’m pretty sure I would have happily assumed the larger portion of parenting and relegated the boys’ dad to a lesser role. And that, I now know, would have been bad for my boys, bad for their dad and bad for me.

Yet shared parenting post-divorce is not the norm in most states.

Here’s what I think: Emotional and physical violence should always been taken seriously, and measures should be put in place to protect children and ex-spouses from violence, threats and intimidation. Everyone who works in the family court system should be required to learn about domestic violence, and should have to document their understanding of the issue. Children should not have to spend time with abusive parents, and ex-spouses should not be required to work with an abusive ex.

Shared parenting bills for equal parenting give judges and families plenty of leeway to create parenting plans that are sensitive to families’ needs. No one is suggesting that children be sent to live with an abuser; the bills contain clauses to restrict parents’ involvement in case of domestic violence, incarceration or even “a pattern of willfully creating conflict.”

Bills now make it easier for children of divorced parents to have access to both parents — something that’s been shown, over and over again, to be good for kids and good for society.

The truth is that divorcing parents don’t always make decisions according to their kids’ best interest. Anger and jealousy and fear often cloud their thinking and color their decisions. In my case, it was the court’s insistence on shared parenting that led to the co-parenting arrangement we have today, and I am so, so glad.

Excerpt from: https://buildingboys.net/is-shared-parenting-best-for-boys-after-divorce/

#456, Why I Decided Shared Parenting is Best

 

 

 

 

My Parent’s Divorce

 

This parent shares the heartache as a child of divorce. She endured abuse from her mother and was neglected by her father. These negative experiences shaped her own views of marriage and being a parent. She confesses to preferring a life without either parent. Regardless of each parent’s misdeeds, this is an unfortunate family experience for anyone.

My parents divorced 36 years ago when I was 6. I did not see my father for 32 years due to my mother making contact difficult and moving us hundreds of miles away when she remarried very quickly afterwards. On the other hand, my father did not pay any maintenance or take her to court to enforce contact and he was minted at one time. He brought up someone else’s kids instead.

As a mother myself now, who would never, ever stop my own kids seeing their father if we divorced as I know how much they love him, I think both of them (my parents) are disgusting and I will never have either of them in my life again.

I have had long lasting mental health issues due to my father’s abandonment and my mother’s emotional abuse because I was ‘evil just like your father’. It is the children who suffer for their parent’s selfishness.

#457, My Parent’s Divorce

Saying Goodbye

 

An emotional and poignant representation of divorce.  This father appears forlorn and sad. He is  clutching his heart that seems to be ripped out of his physical body. Is his child standing before him, reaching up to daddy with teddybear in hand, before leaving with mom?  Mom has no facial features and seems confident with long, flowing hair and her dress appearing to meld within the scenery.  She is going in a different direction; her hair running under a dark cloud touching the fathers head. Is this dad being left on the wayside? When will this father see his child next? More importantly, will this child have the opportunity to enjoy a loving relationship their father?

Artwork dad child bear flowing dress m.

Edvard Munch, Maryville, TN

#250, Saying Goodbye

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Ashamed

 

One father shares the humiliation experienced because his ex filed false allegations against him. Sadly, this is not uncommon.  Fathers’ lives are RUINED emotionally and financially when lies are told and believed in Family Court. Relationships with family members and co-workers may be negatively impacted. Unfortunately, there is no full recovery from this. This is clearly an issue to address in Family Court.

To this father, There is no shame in being a victim of the system. You are not alone in your emotional struggles. There is help and hope for you.

Looking back over the past 3 years I can see that I was in a deep state of depression.  I  was ashamed because of the lies and accusations made by my ex.  I was ashamed because I was unable to protect my children from my wife who had ‘mental health problems.

I was falsely accused and labeled as an abuser.  I lost my job.  I had to move into my parents home.  I was labeled as a trouble maker in my county’s courthouse. The self-help division of family court even refused to help me.  The pain and shame I experienced will NEVER leave me.

I am unable to hold my head up high.  I can not live a normal life because of what my ex did.

The pain and shame will stay with me forever!

#340, Ashamed

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