Welcome to the Place for Poetry of the Personal!

Stained glass 5 pt 11 inch no spaces

Confess your feelings of betrayal, fear, heartache or humiliation that you have experienced in your divorce or co-parenting situation.

Share a setting that you regret or a situation that may have caused anguish, misery or sorrow  for your co-parent.  Or, reveal actions that may have promoted emotional pain or unhappiness for your child.

Confessions are not limited to heartache only.  Please share heartwarming moments and happy experiences you have experienced in divorce and shared parenting too!  Perhaps, something your co-parent did or said that has enhanced your co-parenting relationship.  

Here is anopportunity to share the confessions about your divorce or co-parenting experiences. This can be something that you have told to family and friends or a private thought that has remained a secret…….until now. Focus on extreme moments of individual experiences.  

This is a place to confess what your co-parent did or said that led to your feelings of betrayal, fear or humiliation. Write about something that you enacted, a statement or a thought you expressed that caused grief for your co-parent, your child or yourself.  

We learn from others experiences and situations. Perhaps in reading these scenarios, co-parents can identify with issues they are also experiencing.   Hopefully,one can see how some actions can have long-term negative effects and cause pain for their co-parent or child!   Importantly, by reading these stories co-parents can see that they are not alone in the thoughts and feelings surrounding their divorce and co-parenting relationship.

Invitation is extended to:

  • Parents who are divorced or in the process of divorce.
  • Parents and co-parents (never married) who have children.
  • Parents who have or do not have a parenting plan in place.
  • Anyone interested in a front row seat to see the despair that divorce or co-parenting issues can have on a parent and how the actions impact the child.

A Father’s Story

 

A heart wrenching story of divorce, false allegations and Family Court. This father pours out his heart and soul about his emotions, feelings and experiences during the divorce process and how this impacted the relationship with his children. Will his daughter and son ever know what he went through? What he sacrificed?   Will his children ever realize what they lost out on? That they missed being raised by a caring, loving and responsible father? Probably not.  Once the damage is done-nothing can be done. 

As told by the father:

It’s difficult to summarize 13 years of hell in a short story, especially when you’re past it, you’ve survived, and your heart is at peace knowing you gave it your all.

I married my high school sweetheart.  We fought quite a bit I suppose, but it was what seemed typical amongst our friends at the time.  It wasn’t anything that made me question our commitment to each other especially once we had a child.

At this stage in my life, I honestly don’t remember too much from our relationship.  I actually don’t know the woman, who is the mother of my children.  But, there are 3 memories that will never fade from my memory during that time: the birth of my baby girl, A, the birth of my boy, J, and that frightful day when they were both taken from me.

With no warning signs that I could identify, no reason, and with no explanation, I returned home from work one day, and my family was gone.  I was devastated.  At that time, A was three and J wasn’t even yet one.  I drove to her rent’s that night, but what was once a family who embraced me as their son, suddenly held hate and spite.  To this day, I can’t explain why.

This turned into a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  It’s a pain that I don’t think anyone could grasp unless they have experienced it.  People can empathize and try to imagine what it’s like to have their children taken away, but they don’t live the daily agony, the unknowns, the fear, the helplessness, and the heartache.  It’s enough to drive a person crazy, literally.

In addition to having my kids ripped away from me, I ended up losing my home, I faced false allegations of assault, I was called a deadbeat, and I was threatened with jail time if I couldn’t keep up with child support.  I couldn’t take time to grieve.  Even my own family told me to “man up” and deal with it.  I didn’t have any savings.  I wasn’t educated.  I didn’t have family support in the way I felt I needed.  I wanted to be a father.  But, “manning up”, or rather – becoming a paycheck, was the only realistic option I saw.  That is what I considered my personal rock bottom.

This was the late 80s, and at that time, it was already engrained in our culture that physical custody goes to the mom, dad provides financially, and dad is lucky to see the children every other weekend if the mother and a judge so deems appropriate.  Any venting – such as sharing my story like this – would be considered wimpy, whiney or otherwise questioning my masculinity in some way.

The reason I want this story anonymous is because I’m embarrassed, and I don’t want my children to know this, but after they were taken from me, I wasn’t able to feel like a father, or at least as how I envisioned a father to be.  The little time I had with them initially was awkward, uncomfortable, and faced with fear of more false allegations.  Hugs were distant, and “rough housing” and wrestling ended.  I even dreaded disciplining them out of worry it would be used against me.

Our time was precious to me, and I cherished our time, but, sometimes, just spending time with them brought me anxiety.  I prayed that we’d get through the “visit” without any bruises or injuries that could be used against me.  I was always walking on egg shells, in everything I did.

I also, admittedly, feared that my children wouldn’t want to spend time with me, and they did at times call their mom to say they wanted to go “home” because they were bored.  I felt the need to spoil them with gifts, so they’d want to come see me.  After all, I was taking them away from their full time home, bed, toys, and friends, to come to a small apartment I shared with a buddy.  I felt the need to have to do ‘something’ with them, and ‘something’ always translated into something way above my humble means.  And, though, anxious while they were with me, I was then torn to pieces each time they left.  The emptiness and silence in the apartment when they left, brought lonesomeness that I can’t describe.  And then I waited another 2-4 weeks before I could see them again.  It’s an emotional rollercoaster unlike any other.

They grew, and I felt so detached from their lives.  I knew inconsequential things about them, such as their favorite color, meal and their favorite sport, but I didn’t know them – their friends, their feelings, their dreams and goals.

I put the rest of my life on hold for all those years, trying to ignore the depression, in order to support my kids financially and to have some involvement in their lives.  But, nevertheless, I always felt like a failure, not having the ability to be closely involved in their lives, and to be the father I had always wanted to be.  To some extent I thought my life was over and that the pain would never end.  Everyone I knew going through a similar experience, seemed to have accepted their fate.  So, I tried to act that way too.

To my surprise, when A turned 16, she started coming by more often, by her own choice and on her own terms.  She was craving structure, rules and love.  It caught me off guard at first that she wanted to hang out with her dad.  But, that.. THAT was my saving grace.  That helped me to build my confidence as a person, as a man, and most importantly, as a parent.  To this day, I tell her that she saved my life.  And, I truly believe she did.

In my late 40s, fourteen years after my divorce, I finally felt like a father, I started a new career, I started to build my savings, and I purchased my first home.  My own dad said to me at one point ‘it’s about time you grew up and played adult’.  If my own father, who knows all of the details of what I went through, can’t understand the devastation and empathize, then no one else certainly would.  And, so, I’ve remained silent… until now.

I’m a survivor.  A survivor of the family court system that ripped my children away from me, stripped me of my rights, degraded me, insulted me, labeled me a paycheck – and, what is most unforgiveable, taken a caring, loving father from my beautiful children.  I’ve healed.  My children have healed.  And, our bitterness has all faded, replaced by the close bond we now have.  I couldn’t be prouder of my kids.  Ashley is a teacher, and Jaxson is a mechanic.  Life is very good.

I share my story now so people know that those of us who have lived through this are not “OK” with it.  We are not OK with having our children taken away from us, with having our right to parent taken away.  We are not OK with our children suffering.  We are not OK with our children “turning out OK” in spite of their broken childhood.  We want their successful outcome to be the result of a happy and healthy childhood, shared with both sides of their families so they can fully benefit from the great relationship with parents, grandparents, siblings and cousins and to grow painlessly into the adults they were naturally intended to become!  We need to band together to fix this now before our society completely crumbles.

#448, A Fathers Story

Kubo and the Monster

 

This very talented artist faces the ‘monster’ of divorce.  Excellent depiction of the emotional experiences of divorce from the child’s perspective. The artist shares: “As Kubo walked into the dark, gloomy cave, he suddenly heard a noise and swiftly turned around to it’s source, he looked but there was no one there, he turned back around and gazed at the sight of the monster ,The Monster of abandonment ,and despair, he swiftly grabbed his guitar and shamisen,and started to play.”

info about the art from the artist:
“Okay, the shadowy wolf thing its actually what I had to deal with in my elementary school years ,you see my elementary school years were not the best ,I had to face betrayal ,abandonment ,loneliness ,and my family now divorced ,and many other things ,but it wasn’t until jr. high that I met my friend ,which is now my friend even to today.”

#447, Kubo and the Monster

Deviant Art, Kub and the Monster by cookiedragon202

http://cookiedragon202.deviantart.com/art/Kubo-and-The-Monster-645096365

Categories: A Child’s View, Reality of Divorce, Impact on child

 

 

Confusion

Confusion!  Who do I pick?  Mom or dad?  Tears appear to be flowing in two distinct paths; mom and dad? She seems sad. Even her hair seem droopy. Are tears flowing down on each side under the desk? Letters that write mom look larger than under dad’s side. The eyes of this little girl are pronounced albeit confusing. There is something about her eyes.  What do you think? 

#446, Confusion

Categories: A Child’s View, Impact on child

Who is Missing?

 

A book cover reveals the sad reality of divorce. The most prominent feature of this picture is the outline of a father with a very sad face. Neither child is smiling. The only person who appears happy is mom. Curiously, her arm is around the ‘missing’ father. Children have right to have a relationship with both parents. If a child had two parents in their life before the divorce, then they should be able to enjoy both parents after the divorce.

Divorce is between the parents-about the child! LOVE WINS!

#445, Who is Missing?

Categories: Impact on child, Reality of Divorce

Give this Note to Your Dad

 

Putting the child in the middle of communications between the parents is unfair. Apparently, this is the experience for this child. A rather simple picture with rays of sun in the upper corner. I hope these parents become aware of how their actions are impacting their child. Divorce is between the parents-about the child.  LOVE WINS!  

#444, Give this Note to Your Dad

Categories: Impact on child, A child’s View

 

A Changed Family

 

The most startling feature of this artwork is the faces drawn on each person. Mom is smiling, dad is sad, child to the left has no expression and youngest child appears to be saying something. Parents are each leaning. Dad is facing more backward and somewhat leaning. Mom is facing more forward and tilted toward a wall that the youngest child is standing against. Or, is this a barrier between the parents and children? 

Seemingly, there is artistic disparity among the objects. Each family member appears to be copied while the house is rudimentary.  A curious presentation of a family and home.  

#443, A Changed Family

Categories: A Child’s View, Impact on child