A Message to Co-Parents

One daughter shares the message that a child deserves to have both  parents in their life.    

 

Rachael Brown Patterson

Many years ago my parents divorced. I watched my dad struggle trying to get ahead with his new family. Every time my dad got a raise my mother took him back to court. Where I don’t ever remember my mom struggling. I definitely saw my dad. My dad had me every other weekend and time during the summer. My mom did allow me to go over when ever I wanted but when I asked to live with him…..FORGET IT.

She had custody and she was able to decide and my dad didn’t have the money to go back to court. Today I don’t have a relationship with my mom. When I graduated high school I moved out…. I never felt wanted at my moms… I always felt like I was an inconvenience she had no problem with me visiting my dad but NO to living with him (she always claimed it was because of the school district he resided in). My mom would always degrade my dad, but when I went to my dads and vented about my mom he NEVER degraded her and either did my step-mom. I look back now and I feel like I was a paycheck for my mom, nothing else. I love my Dad more and more everyday and told myself if I ever got divorced I would always give our children equal rights to see their dad and never take more than needed in child support.

Well quite a few years ago I got divorced. Although my ex husband would tell me I was just like my mom to try to hurt me (which it did) i made sure for my children’s sake they had equal visitation (he was allowed up to 15 days a month) with him even though he resided in a different school district. We ended up with joint custody with me having placement. I did get child support but we agreed to alot less than what NYS mandated because I wanted our children to have a home and food while living with their father and he would need money to b able to bring them to school. Our children are 18 and 16 and although incidents have occurred neither one of us were the “perfect” parent we have tried to b the best parents we could. Our children love us equally and know that BOTH of us will always b there for them.

I have also seen the other side. My boyfriend had to fight to be able to see his little girl. He was disabled and took their little girl everywhere. ( it was one of the reasons i fell in love with him, watching him talk about her) when they split up she ran and wouldn’t let him see her. I watched what the court system did and said to him as the mother sat their and lied. He at the time had a public defender who did nothing for him even though he was the primary parent. We ended up getting her when mom had to work…..that was it. It was then we decided to hire an actual lawyer someone who was paid to fight for him.
Thankfully this guy did his job….he wasnt out to take her from mom he just wanted equal rights to her. After his lawyer talked to the judge and the truth came out we ended up with 50/50 placement and joint custody now we get her every other week.

He was one of the lucky ones. I have watched what the how women abuse the court systems and I have watched the court systems abuse the men. Its not fair to the children. There needs to b a fair judge who will always do what’s in the best interest of the child.

Parents if you really love your children you will allow both parents in their life. Its what they deserve. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and there is no such thing as a child getting to much love.

 

The Fathers Rights Movement/2-16-15

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