New Attitude

Sometimes, hearing how someone else handles their divorce becomes a moment of clarity and inspire us to do things differently. Two co-workers talking about their custody matters turned into a life-altering moment for one mom. The insight resulted in changing everything- for everyone. As one mother discovers, accommodating the financial situation of one parent can make things easier.

#574, New Attitude

Regrets

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Mom offers advice to parents considering divorce.  She shares thoughts on divorce and how her daughter will be impacted.    Children learn about relationships by watching their parents.  While this parent regrets her decision, she is right to be concerned about her daughter. However, crossing boundaries and engaging in an affair is a difficult situation.  We may ask how will the ‘no communication at all’ action  impact their daughter.  Understandably, this is an emotionally painful experience for all members of the family.  Mom offers advice to parents considering divorce and references the impact on their child.

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I was married for 3 years and we had a daughter.  When she was 2 years old I did the unthinkable and slept with someone else. When my husband came home that night I confessed my deed. He refused to talk it about it, packed a bag and left. In fact, he has not talked to me at all. NOT ONE WORD.  He made arrangements for someone to pick up the rest of his things. Our attorneys handled the divorce. The exchanges for our daughter are done with either relatives or a friend. We do not attend the same events unless absolutely necessary and then we do not talk to each other.  I am now involved with someone else and have not told him why I’m divorced.  I’m too ashamed.

My concern is for our daughter.  She is young and I wonder how things will be when she is older.  She will see that her parents do not talk to each other and the palatable contempt between us. I continually ask myself “What will this do to our little girl?”  I regret my actions that led to the divorce.  I am disappointed because my daughters life will be impacted by my selfish actions.

To anyone out there thinking about divorce……RECONSIDER!  There is nothing worth the security of your child.

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#552, Regrets

The Living Dead

 

Here is an emotional account of the heart wrenching reality of  parental alienation. Emotional mental health is important in high conflict divorces.  If you are devastated because you are unable to have a relationship with your child- please seek help.  There are support groups to offer emotional support. There is hope in finding strength with other parents experiencing the same feelings. Suicide is not the answer. 

 

The Living Dead

The very breath we breathe is sucked out of us. We walk around like zombies. The smile we once had is no longer visible and peace is forever gone. This is what it is like for a parent who has been alienated from their children. We simply cease to function on a normal basis. On the outside, we are normal but on the inside we scream in terror and hold onto dysfunctional behavior.

Most people who know us do not understand what we are going through. They only see what they want to see. They will never understand what it is like to lose their child because of the vindictive actions of an alienating spouse or the erroneous decisions of a family court judge. They think we embellish our situation and should be able to move on but, how can we?

There are many parents and our children who have chosen to lose the battle of alienation because the pain is too great and are unable to continue fighting for what they desire. It is unfortunate when this occurs because their pain may end in the physical and emotional sense but, they leave it behind for those still on this earth who once loved them.

For myself, I have known three parents who have chosen to end their pain and suffering in the most dreadful manner caused by alienation. It leaves a hole in my heart that can never be filled. For family members, it must be even more devastating. I can only say that you must hold on and believe that tomorrow will be better.

It is imperative that each of you take care to safeguard your mental and emotional health because you need to be here for the time of when your children awaken from their slumber and realize they need you. If, you choose to make the ultimate decision to end your pain…you are wrong and you are selfish. Pick yourself up and make the conscious decision to fight back against the dark powers.

There is a way to do this and that is the power of self-healing. Step back from the fight. Concentrate on yourself and do something that promotes a different emotional environment for yourself. I understand how difficult this may be and how you may feel that you are giving up on your child through this process but, if you are damaged then you are no good to yourself nor your child.

Take time to heal. Go on that long awaited vacation. Go fishing. Camping with a friend? How about taking a dancing class? Perhaps counseling? Whatever you need to do make sure that fulfill your bucket list and come back a more complete person. After all, you’re worth it and so are your children. They need to have you back in their lives and not an emotional wreck. They need you as you once were.

Ultimately, the choice is yours to make. You can either choose to live in a silent, emotional fear and heartache or you can make the conscious decision to rise above this and heal yourself. Don’t be selfish in your actions. Consider who you are doing this for and that is your children. They deserve to have a super-mom or super-dad in their corner fighting for them.

Heal yourself from within and regain your life, your smile and your children. We all have this drive and fight inside us, we just have to reach down deep to find it. We do not have to be the living dead. We can instead be the living parents again!

By David Shubert

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#449, The Living Dead

Categories: A Parent’s heartache, Parent to Parent, Reality of Divorce 

The Devil

 

This parent makes a succinct  declaration of the impact of PA has had in their life!  Many families are torn apart due to PA behavioral tendencies.  And, too many children are forced to deal with emotional heartache and inner grief resulting from the behaviors of one parent.  A child has a right to have a loving relationship with BOTH parents! 

Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!

RESEARCH STUDY! Assesses parental financial/emotional experiences in family court.

Survey is for all parents who are or have been to court for child custody matters.

Link to survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/FamilyCourtParentalFinancialExperience

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After living in H*ll for 7 months due to the divorce and custody hearings- I am convinced; Family Court is the devil himself! The devil uses the family court to destroy a family-especially the child!  The judge and the attorneys are the messengers.

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#329, The Devil

Death Over Divorce

 

A horrible thought for anyone.  An especially terrible situation for someone who is just trying to be a parent to their child.  Please seek emotional support if you are struggling with your separation or custody matter.  HELP IS AVAILABLE 24/7/365 all over the world. Hope is a phone call away! Suicide hotline United States:  800.273.8255  Hotline numbers throughout the world: https://www.facebook.com/sharedparentingconfessional/photos/a.1435086570084813/2691597091100415/

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“I think death would be easier than divorce.”

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#154, Death Over Divorce

Self Portrait of Divorce

 

An artist shares her experience with divorce.  A convoluted and personal representation that is well done!
“I drew this while attending a “How to Help Your Child Cope With the Divorce of Their Parents” course as a part of my divorce’s legal procedure (I think it might have even been mandatory) I was so sad for my daughter during that time. Much sadder than I was for myself. And actually that’s never stopped being the case. I was a child of divorce as well and know just how grueling it can be.Artistically, I was so mad when I discovered that I had forgotten to include the chain on the left hand side. I had intended to subliminally put a little bit of optimism into the piece by vaguely hinting at a butterfly – ya know, “You go through this horrible experience and come out the other side ready to spread your new wings”, that kinda thing. Hopefully it still has that impact but just even more subliminally. (ha ha)Anyway, I’m not exactly sure what the image means except that the individual is obviously in an uncomfortable and scary place and they were put there by something outside of their control.I like this image so much, I used it as the cover for one side of my self-published flip comic-book, “Nepotism/The Labyrinth” I can’t even begin to guess how people reconcile that image with the word “nepotism”.”

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Deviant Art by beango.  Self_Portrait___Divorce_by_beango.jpg
Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Self-Portrait-Divorce-48229377
 
#146, Self Portrait of Divorce

No More Fighting

 

Horrific awakening!

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All parents fight in front of their children.  To say my divorce was less than ideal is an understatement!  After we decided to divorce, I admit that we fought in front of our children.  We didn’t just fight in our two children’s presence.  We fought VERY badly.  I never realized how terribly we talked to each other until one day.  On a beautiful peaceful afternoon, our youngest was playing with her dolls in her room and when all of a sudden I heard her screaming.  At the top of her lungs.!  In the few seconds that it took as I rushed to her room, I tried to figure out who she was talking to because we were in the house alone.  The words she was saying were terrible. Very terrible!  All of  a sudden it hit me!  Like a ton of bricks!  Like I had been sucker punched in the stomach!  The words she was saying were the words my ex and I exchanged the night before.   My heart stopped!   My dear sweet absolute angel daughter was talking like the devil. She was just repeating the words she had overheard when me and my ex were fighting.

I realized then that things need to change.  That I need to change.

God is good!  There came a window of opportunity and I was able to have a heart to heart talk with my ex.  He agreed that we could not have our 4 year-old fighting like someone who is possessed by the devil.  Even though we are unable to live together, one thing is true.  We love our children!  A lot!

Things are still not perfect with my ex.  We still disagree. But….we have agreed to disagree.  Miracle of miracles, we have been able to have a friendly relationship.  For four years now.  Our children come first.

That event-hearing my daughter speak like the devil himself changed my life.  I will NEVER feel like that again.

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#145,  No More Fighting

Working Together

 

Co-parenting together in the same home while divorced.  Understandably, this may not be an option for all families!

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Divorce was a really rough time in my life. That was 4 years ago and we decided to still live together and raise our children together. We share our home in every way except that we have separate bedrooms. We have become good friends and I think we set a good example to our children that we can forgive the past and move on in an amicable manner. Our kids see us communicate nicely and work together. For now, this works for us.

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#136, Working Together

Message from a Non-Custodial Mother

 

One mother shares how being the non-custodial parent is best for her and her daughters.  Despite the harsh words and criticism from family and friends she expresses contentment with her choice.

As a non-custodial mother I do not have physical custody of my two children. In fact, my kids live on the other side of the nation with their father.

This arrangement was not my first choice.  My divorce was high conflict and was inflicting intense emotional pain on my girls.  I believed that the only option was to remove myself from the situation-even at the sacrifice of my relationship with my sweet girls.

Not everyone understands.  There seems to be this stigma attached when a mother does not have custody of her children.  There is a double standard.  Men without custody are not ostracized by friends and family.  In fact, men receive empathy, support, and sympathy.  I lost friends!  I was ridiculed!  Several relatives still keep their distance from me.

I am connected with my girls. We use skype IM, FB, texting and talk on the phone.  We have a close relationship.  In my heart I believe I am a good mother and feel that this is best for my family.

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#73,  Message from a Non-Custodial Mother

Family Destroyed by Divorce

 

One father shares the devastation of divorce to his family.

 

I was devastated emotionally when my wife said she wanted a divorce. I was married for over 20 years. I was committee to her forever! Divorce is a terrible thing. I did not care about the financial aspect. Our kids have been hurt and are still struggling with the aftermath.  It has been 8 years and they are still having problems! The real disaster is the destruction to my family.