An adult child of divorce shares the lingering effects of divorce. Notably, her sense of self and the devastating impact of divorce have created what appear to be insecurities that may have not developed without the childhood drama and trauma of her parents divorce.
My mom needed to divorce my dad. He had been physically abusive for years. Eventually he committed adultery. While my mother felt totally betrayed, there was a part of her that was glad she finally felt no one could expect her to stay married to him. That was when I was 13.
Now I’m an adult, married with children of my own. My husband is a good man, but the idea of divorce is never far from my thoughts. I’m afraid he will leave me later for a younger woman, solution: divorce. There are times I feel so depressed about myself, and I don’t want to have to drag him down, solution: divorce. There are times I’m so upset with him for not being perfect, solution: divorce. There are times I’m just tired of dealing with all the needs of taking care of a whole other person, along with my children, solution: divorce. My mom has managed to live pretty happily as a single mom.
I know divorce is nowhere near justifiable for me, but I fear that I just don’t have the skills or personality to have a thriving marriage. I look at other aging couples, and see a lot of frustrations and incompatibilities. Can I endure that long? Am I that good of a person?
My only hope is through Christ, that He can change me, heal me. I’m impatient for the day that divorce won’t linger in my thoughts so much. I wonder if this really is because I’m a child of divorce, or if I’m just weak.
I love my husband and my children, and the emotional violence of divorce is repugnant to me. And maybe that is the silver lining, that because I hate what divorce did to me, I don’t want to do that to my children.
Mariage Ecosystem, No Easy Solution
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#120, No Easy Solution