‘Holidays are Ruined’


An adult child of divorce (ADOC) comments on a post about the holidays.  Holidays are a time for family.  For some,  this becomes  a time of choosing.  A difficult decision for anyone to make. Who should the ADOC spend time with?  How do they reconcile the feelings of guilt?


Holidays were a horrid thing for me too! I completely agree! My mother divorced twice, so I felt all this pressure to see my dads family, my mother, and my step dads family too (because believe it or not, I feel closer to my step dad than either of my actual parents.)

Holidays are ruined; trying to visit everyone is stressful, tiresome, and down right emotionally exhausting. I always end up crying a lot, and my kids would be confused as to whose house we were at and what they were supposed to call all these people. Every single family member thinks they are entitled to have me drive to their home. No one comes to see me, however. And they all get mad if I go to another family members home! So you can’t win for losing! Which is why I stopped going completely. They seem to have nothing but a hot dose of guilt to give me anyway.


Marriage-Ecosystem, comment for The Issues are Legion, August 8, 2013.

Emotional support for “The Issues are Legion”.  


#1122, Holidays are Ruined


My Family Christmas Letter


One father shares the heartache in what appears to be an unexpected divorce. The story behind this submission is their son received a full ride sports scholarship to college prior to the separation.  Somehow, this teen became involved in activities and lost his way.  Now, graduating high school is a goal to achieve.  Could something have been done differently to keep this son on track to maintain the scholarship for his sport achievement?

Regrets Christmas letter

#1433, My Family Christmas Letter


Thanksgiving Day forever ruined


An example of the trauma that parental conflict can cause.   This individual now views a major holiday differently because of the fighting.  If that is not bad enough, they now try to AVOID the holiday all together.  All because of parents fighting!  


I know the filling about parents fighting.  My parent are not divorced but they were really close to it.   I had to watch my mom and dad fight and it’s a sad sight to say that I didn’t even talk to them for a while till it cooled down.   Whats worst is on a Thanksgiving when our whole family was coming. Thanksgiving was ruined!   I will never go to my family Thanksgiving dinner again.  I will keep trying to avoid that day.


#241, Thanksgiving Day Forever Ruined


Happy Birthday


A heartwarming birthday celebration.  How amazing for this young girl to celebrate her special day with the important people in her life!  

In Shared Parenting EVERYONE WINS!!!!

My daughter had her 6th birthday party today. Her father and I have been apart since I was 5 months pregnant with her. She wanted her father, his new partner and her kids at her party. We invited them and they all came. It was a wonderful day and my daughter got to have both her parents at her birthday party for the first time in her life. It’s been a long hard road but its so worth it!

This is putting kids first!!

Love to see co-parenting success stories!! Your children will be much happier and thrive when you work together for their TRUE best interest and their wants and needs!

Kuddo’s to Hazel and her ex for working together for their daughter!

Thanks for sharing!!
~TPKF Team


Time to Put Kids First:  https://www.facebook.com/timetoputkidsfirst?fref=ts

# 224, Happy Birthday


Divorce is Complicated


Divorce becomes more involved when parents remarry.


After your parents divorce, holidays can quickly go from the best of times to the worst of times, with the bickering about gifts, the tug-of-war over who gets the kids on Christmas morning, and the battle to establish new family traditions when your family is no longer very traditional. But all that holiday hoopla pales next to the politics of planning a wedding. My younger half brother is quickly learning just how complicated life can become when you bring parents and step parents and ex-stepparents together, even if it’s only for one day.

I consider myself a pioneer in the field of divorce relations. Without a hint that anything was wrong, my parents called my brother and I into the living room one October evening in 1971 to tell us they had decided to separate. I was 11 years old, my brother was 8, and overnight, I become one of only two people in my grade 6 class living with a single parent. I not only felt abandoned by the father I adored, I also felt like an outcast.

My parents were high school sweethearts when my mom found out ‘they had to get married’. I was born just before my mother’s 18th birthday. My dad was in university, working part time to make ends meet. Though I know they loved each other, the marriage was probably doomed to failure from the start. Even so, when I discovered that my father had left my mother for another woman, my confusion quickly turned to anger at him and his new girlfriend, who eventually became his wife.

They had a son — my half brother — when I was 17. By then I had a stepfather who resented my father even more than I did. So when I decided to marry at age 22, my dad and his wife were almost completely shut out. My stepmother wasn’t invited to any of the showers, and my father wasn’t even introduced at the reception. I was still so angry at him that I made (in hindsight) the cruel decision to let my new stepfather walk me down the aisle. The marriage lasted less than a year, but the look on my father’s face in the church that day will haunt me forever.

As the years passed, and I remarried, I never did really warm up to my stepmother, as hard as she tried. But when I had my first child, the thaw began. Suddenly it was important to me that my son know his grandparents — all of them. So I let my dad back into my life… just in time to console him through his second divorce. Within a few months, my dad found someone new. Now my half brother had to deal with a stepmother who already had two children of her own. I tried hard to welcome dad’s third wife for the sake of my children. My half brother, unfortunately, was not so lucky — only he didn’t have any siblings at home to lean on.

So now that he is getting married, his mother, who has since remarried, is trying to make sure everyone is included. Amazingly, she has opened a gate that was always closed to her, and for that I’m grateful. The resulting family connections are so complicated, his poor fiancée (whose parents have been married for over 30 years) is going crazy. She’s a wonderful girl, though, and thanks to her, I am finally able make my half brother part of my family. His mother, whom I hadn’t seen in 10 years, even invited me and my daughter to the bridal shower. It was such a gracious gesture, so of course I went. We were made to feel very comfortable.

My father may be in his third marriage, but I see this wedding as my second chance to rescue my half brother from all the tension and confusion that I endured. On Christmas day, and every day, he and his new wife will be welcome in my home. I’ve learned the hard way that family should always be a priority, regardless of what form it takes.



Shared in Divorce Magazine by Laurie O’Halloran, January 3, 2008.

Link to article: http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/its-complicated-but-it-is-family#sthash.TmjKyGCM.dpuf

# 138, Divorce is Complicated

Father’s Day


A letter to his son who he misses very much!


To my son,

I don’t know what you’ve been told and I have no control over that. All I can do is to ask God every day to please remind your heart how much I love you until I can one day tell you in person. It breaks my heart to not be allowed to watch you grow, to not be allowed to send you Birthday gifts, Christmas gifts and to experience the meaningful father/son moments.

I do know that one day you will be making your own choices and will start looking for me and you can read the court file and see that I was ordered to stay out of your life. That is not what I wanted.

I want to be a father to you in every phase of your life and to be there for you if you need me…and when I need you. God blessed me with the son I have always hoped to have but what hurts is that although you will learn the truth on your own one day, we cannot get back the years of being father and son as you grow and develop.

So, in the spirit of Fathers Day I want you to know how much I love you…I always have and always will!!!





Letters from Daddy/Mommy, June 23, 2014

Link to FB page: https://www.facebook.com/sendingourlove?fref=ts

#137, Father’s Day

Family Gatherings in Divorce


Emotional response to “The Issues are Legion”.



My anonymous friend, I totally understand. Family gatherings get really awkward for me, too. I’m a Second Generation kid of a divorced family. My mom and my grandma are both divorced. Grandma’s got two ex-husbands, one of whom has been remarried two other times, and I’ve got a stepmom to contend with. Overall it’s just a huge mess. I tend to just ignore my dad and his wife, but I’m constantly feeling guilty about it, even though I know I’m being expected to juggle too many discordant relationships.



Marriage-Ecosystem, The Issues of Legion.


#123, Family Gatherings in Divorce