Love, Me


An endearing letter to Santa! An interesting part of this letter is how the letter is signed; Love, Me.    Notably, Me is the most prominent word!  Are her parents aware of how she feels? Is anyone acknowledging her concerns about parental conflict? I wonder how many children (and parents) will miss spending Christmas together as a family this year. Perhaps, we could overlook the obvious and refrain from asking whatever happened to a list of toys for Christmas? I hope Santa can to ‘deliver’ the gift of peace this year!

Deviant Art Dear Santa love me m


Deviant Art, Family by bahjarox.

Link to artwork:

#1313, Love, Me



‘Holidays are Ruined’


An adult child of divorce (ADOC) comments on a post about the holidays.  Holidays are a time for family.  For some,  this becomes  a time of choosing.  A difficult decision for anyone to make. Two maternal divorces complicate the matter even more. Who should the ADOC spend time with?  How do they reconcile the feelings of guilt in trying to please everyone?  


Holidays were a horrid thing for me too! I completely agree! My mother divorced twice, so I felt all this pressure to see my dads family, my mother, and my step dads family too (because believe it or not, I feel closer to my step dad than either of my actual parents.)

Holidays are ruined; trying to visit everyone is stressful, tiresome, and down right emotionally exhausting. I always end up crying a lot, and my kids would be confused as to whose house we were at and what they were supposed to call all these people. Every single family member thinks they are entitled to have me drive to their home. No one comes to see me, however. And they all get mad if I go to another family members home! So you can’t win for losing! Which is why I stopped going completely. They seem to have nothing but a hot dose of guilt to give me anyway.


Marriage-Ecosystem, comment for The Issues are Legion, August 8, 2013.

Emotional support for “The Issues are Legion”.

#1122, Holidays are Ruined

Thanksgiving Day forever ruined


An example of the trauma that parental conflict can create for some children of divorce. This individual now views a major holiday differently because of the fighting and does not want to share a family Thanksgiving dinner again.  I wish these parents would see how their behaviors are impacting their child.  Will they come to the realization of how their child feels and recreate the dinner with a positive attitude and make the holiday a day to remember?


I know the filling about parents fighting.  My parent are not divorced but they were really close to it.   I had to watch my mom and dad fight and it’s a sad sight to say that I didn’t even talk to them for a while till it cooled down.   Whats worst is on a Thanksgiving when our whole family was coming. Thanksgiving was ruined!   I will never go to my family Thanksgiving dinner again.  I will keep trying to avoid that day.


#241, Thanksgiving Day Forever Ruined


Happy Birthday


A heartwarming birthday celebration for the birthday girl.  Parents are working together to make the birthday celebration special. How amazing for this young girl to celebrate her day with the important people in her life!  Parents are role modeling for all of the children present by demonstrating respect for others. In Shared Parenting EVERYONE WINS!!!!

My daughter had her 6th birthday party today. Her father and I have been apart since I was 5 months pregnant with her. She wanted her father, his new partner and her kids at her party. We invited them and they all came. It was a wonderful day and my daughter got to have both her parents at her birthday party for the first time in her life. It’s been a long hard road but its so worth it!

This is putting kids first!!

Love to see co-parenting success stories!! Your children will be much happier and thrive when you work together for their TRUE best interest and their wants and needs!

Kuddo’s to Hazel and her ex for working together for their daughter!

Thanks for sharing!!
~TPKF Team


Time to Put Kids First:

# 224, Happy Birthday




Remarriage among parents can present challenges at holidays and family events.  


After your parents divorce, holidays can quickly go from the best of times to the worst of times, with the bickering about gifts, the tug-of-war over who gets the kids on Christmas morning, and the battle to establish new family traditions when your family is no longer very traditional. But all that holiday hoopla pales next to the politics of planning a wedding. My younger half brother is quickly learning just how complicated life can become when you bring parents and step parents and ex-stepparents together, even if it’s only for one day.

I consider myself a pioneer in the field of divorce relations. Without a hint that anything was wrong, my parents called my brother and I into the living room one October evening in 1971 to tell us they had decided to separate. I was 11 years old, my brother was 8, and overnight, I become one of only two people in my grade 6 class living with a single parent. I not only felt abandoned by the father I adored, I also felt like an outcast.

My parents were high school sweethearts when my mom found out ‘they had to get married’. I was born just before my mother’s 18th birthday. My dad was in university, working part time to make ends meet. Though I know they loved each other, the marriage was probably doomed to failure from the start. Even so, when I discovered that my father had left my mother for another woman, my confusion quickly turned to anger at him and his new girlfriend, who eventually became his wife.

They had a son — my half brother — when I was 17. By then I had a stepfather who resented my father even more than I did. So when I decided to marry at age 22, my dad and his wife were almost completely shut out. My stepmother wasn’t invited to any of the showers, and my father wasn’t even introduced at the reception. I was still so angry at him that I made (in hindsight) the cruel decision to let my new stepfather walk me down the aisle. The marriage lasted less than a year, but the look on my father’s face in the church that day will haunt me forever.

As the years passed, and I remarried, I never did really warm up to my stepmother, as hard as she tried. But when I had my first child, the thaw began. Suddenly it was important to me that my son know his grandparents — all of them. So I let my dad back into my life… just in time to console him through his second divorce. Within a few months, my dad found someone new. Now my half brother had to deal with a stepmother who already had two children of her own. I tried hard to welcome dad’s third wife for the sake of my children. My half brother, unfortunately, was not so lucky — only he didn’t have any siblings at home to lean on.

So now that he is getting married, his mother, who has since remarried, is trying to make sure everyone is included. Amazingly, she has opened a gate that was always closed to her, and for that I’m grateful. The resulting family connections are so complicated, his poor fiancée (whose parents have been married for over 30 years) is going crazy. She’s a wonderful girl, though, and thanks to her, I am finally able make my half brother part of my family. His mother, whom I hadn’t seen in 10 years, even invited me and my daughter to the bridal shower. It was such a gracious gesture, so of course I went. We were made to feel very comfortable.

My father may be in his third marriage, but I see this wedding as my second chance to rescue my half brother from all the tension and confusion that I endured. On Christmas day, and every day, he and his new wife will be welcome in my home. I’ve learned the hard way that family should always be a priority, regardless of what form it takes.



Shared in Divorce Magazine by Laurie O’Halloran, January 3, 2008.

Link to article:

# 138, Divorce is Complicated

Father’s Day


A letter to his son who he misses very much!


To my son,

I don’t know what you’ve been told and I have no control over that. All I can do is to ask God every day to please remind your heart how much I love you until I can one day tell you in person. It breaks my heart to not be allowed to watch you grow, to not be allowed to send you Birthday gifts, Christmas gifts and to experience the meaningful father/son moments.

I do know that one day you will be making your own choices and will start looking for me and you can read the court file and see that I was ordered to stay out of your life. That is not what I wanted.

I want to be a father to you in every phase of your life and to be there for you if you need me…and when I need you. God blessed me with the son I have always hoped to have but what hurts is that although you will learn the truth on your own one day, we cannot get back the years of being father and son as you grow and develop.

So, in the spirit of Fathers Day I want you to know how much I love you…I always have and always will!!!





Letters from Daddy/Mommy, June 23, 2014

Link to FB page:

#137, Father’s Day

Family Gatherings in Divorce


Emotional response to “The Issues are Legion”.



My anonymous friend, I totally understand. Family gatherings get really awkward for me, too. I’m a Second Generation kid of a divorced family. My mom and my grandma are both divorced. Grandma’s got two ex-husbands, one of whom has been remarried two other times, and I’ve got a stepmom to contend with. Overall it’s just a huge mess. I tend to just ignore my dad and his wife, but I’m constantly feeling guilty about it, even though I know I’m being expected to juggle too many discordant relationships.



Marriage-Ecosystem, The Issues of Legion.

#123, Family Gatherings in Divorce

The Issues are Legion


Sharing the holidays are a common problem in divorce.  This adult child of divorce explains the two perils of divorce for her.  


There are too many sufferings in my life to list. Two things I would say are: Divorce and one remarriage ruined every holiday family gathering for me because parents or siblings pressured me to attend. I can’t be in two places at the same time, and parents would be angry or saddened because they knew I was with their ex-spouse. Also visiting for a few hours and driving off to another household every holiday is exhausting for me and my family.

Another thing I would say is that step-siblings are not my siblings, and a stepmother is definitely of no relation to me, so don’t demand a Mother’s Day gift!

I wish my entire family would let me live in peace WITHOUT them. Divorce ends a family unit. When my parents got divorced, I should have also been released from my famlial obligations.

The plus side of divorce? I wasn’t sad when one parent died because it removed that holiday stress. When the next parent dies, I will be sad, but then I will finally get to enjoy holidays with my husband.



Marriage-Ecosystem, The Issues of Legion.

#121, The Issues are Legion

Avoiding the Perils of Family Court


This parent shares the importance of understanding the family court system and avoiding the pitfalls that may create drama.  


During my custody battle, I came to a deeper understanding how the courts system works and how the law applied in my particular case. I persevered by demonstrating that I was rational, reasonable, and always focused on the best interest of my children. Instead of relying solely on my attorney’s advice and historical precedent, I saw the bigger picture and thought long term.

I used several tactics to my advantage. I never left or was forced out of our marital residence, I managed to avoid physical altercations by keeping my emotions in check as much as possible, avoided being taken to jail by the NYPD by calmly explaining my side of the story and kept my focus by remaining totally devoted to my two children. I always took the high road and never talked badly about my ex to our children, no matter how tempting. I still don’t-she is the mother of our kids. They love her just as much as they love me.

When there are two loving parents that want to be actively involved in their children’s lives after divorce, there is no need to travel down the expected path of family court and mandatory child and/or spousal support. Women can learn from my story and understand that just because you may no longer love the father of your, your children do. Children need their mother AND father. Find a way to stay out of that hell hole they loosely call “Family Court.” I am living proof that there is another way.

For father’s day, give your ex the gift of letting him be a father.



#107, Avoid the Perils of Family Court

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