Why Did You Leave Me?

 

 

A common theme in divorce the child wishing the reuniting of their parents.  This artwork shows that this wishing continues into adulthood.   The impact of divorce continues on.  For some adult children of divorce, their live is forever tainted.

“I went to one of my dad’s parties, and I saw him kissing a woman.

Ah, the joys of having your parents be divorced.

Basically, anyway, I freaked out and started sobbing and wishing that my parents would get back together, even though they divorced when I was four.”

Deviant art why did you leave me i_miss_my_family_by_iwish909

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deviant Art, I Miss My Family by iWish909

#342, Why Did You Leave Me?

 

 

Broken Holidays

 

One artists interpretation of the impact of divorce on the family.  This was done “after I learned of the impending divorce of one of my aunt and uncles… And the fact that said aunt probably wouldn’t be coming to that Thanksgiving or Christmas with the family. Family gatherings for my family generally means a lot of very delicious food, so that’s what came to mind with the image.”

Deviant Art broken_holidays_by_silvervistani

 

Deviant Art, Broken Holidays

#336, Broken Holidays

How I Was Affected

 

An adult child of divorce shares their psychological nightmare from divorce. How unfortunate this child sees that they were used as a pawn.  What an awful feeling that must be.  Parents have a responsibility to LOVE their child!  A sad story!

 

 

How I was affected

My name is Mike. I am an 18 year old freshman in college at the University of Texas. I was born and raised in New York. My parents got divorced when I was nine years old and my mom won custody of me and my younger brother. I was scared of my mom and, as a result, she was able to use me as a pawn against my father. My parent’s divorce went on for another ten years and I was primary source of communication between the two for the entirety of it. Although they have been divorced for a few years now, they are still fighting to this day, which upsets me. They try to involve me but I repudiate by telling them both that I cannot be involved in their disagreements anymore because their issues have corrupted my childhood. For all you parents out there, please make sure you do not involve your children in such a terrible process. It is not their job to know when their father is late on child support or how terrible of a person their mother or father may be. I wish I had other children to speak to during my parents divorce. I am hoping this forum (Divorce Force) will connect children in need of support with people that can act as an consiglieres during their parents’ divorce process.

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Divorce Force

#323, How I Was Affected

Celebs and Their Parents’ Divorce (2).

 

Divorce is a sad time for many children of divorce. Celebrity status does not offset the reaction to a parents’ divorce.  Emotional insecurities, and the trauma of divorce are the same for everyone.  There is no escape from the confusion and devastation caused by a parents’ divorce!

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Actor and former footballer VINNIE JONES:

‘I had a brilliant childhood until Mum and Dad divorced when I was 13. That changed my life because it was like one of your parents dying. Divorce makes you rebel – it gives you insecurities and a licence to do what you want, because your mum and dad are always playing a game with you.’

Socialite TAMARA ECCLESTONE

‘All I wanted was for Mum and Dad to get back together. I felt like everything I’d known had gone. When they split up, I took refuge in food. I ate and ate and ate. But still I couldn’t fill the void. When they divorced I found it hard to deal with. It was a big change – and I’m not good with change.’

 

Actress ISLA FISHER:

‘You can’t underestimate how traumatic divorce is for the children. When your parents divorce, it makes you grow up fast. I’d urge parents to strongly consider working things out. I’d work things out and I’d definitely stay put. Especially if there were babies involved.’

IGELLA LAWSON:

‘Because my parents divorced when we were in our late teens, my siblings and I developed strong connections. you don’t live with your parents in the same way.’ Nigella recently divorced her second husband Charles Saatchi on the grounds of his continuing unreasonable behaviour.

One Direction’s HARRY STYLES

‘When I was seven my mum and dad divorced and that was quite a weird time. I remember crying about it. I didn’t really get what was going on properly – I was just sad that my parents wouldn’t be together any more.’

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#319, Celebs and Their Parents’ Divorce (2)

 

 

Celebs and Their Parents’ Divorce (3)

 

Everyone experiences divorce differently;yet the emotions and feelings are the same

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ALISON EASTWOOD (daughter of Clint Eastwood)

‘My parents divorced when I was six. I had to grow up very fast. It’s hard as a kid not to take a break-up personally. Even if your parents say, ‘You did nothing wrong’, there’s still a part of you that thinks, ‘Is it me? Do they not love me?’ You feel like the glue that sticks them together, and when that comes undone, there’s always that awful little thing in the back of your mind. I felt rejected and that affects your self-esteem.’

 

 

PEACHES GELDOF (daughter of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates)

‘My parents had a very public, bitter divorce and I was old enough to see what was going on. People talked about us and I knew it was horrendous. For us children, it was an environment that was impossible, veering between a week with my mother and then a week with my father. It was like living on a permanent seesaw. Those feelings have stayed with me.’

 

 

PETER HUHNE, son of former cabinet minister Chris Huhne

Devastated over his parents’ marriage break-up, his father’s infidelity and lies about a speeding offence, Peter [pictured with his mother Vicky Pryce] said to him: ‘So nice to see our entire relationship reduced to lies. Do you take me for an idiot? The fact you said your parents were happier as a result of their divorce was disgusting’ You are the most ghastly man I have ever known.’

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News presenter SUSANNA REID

‘I had a choppy childhood after my parents divorced when I was nine. When Mum told me that she and Dad were getting divorced, I cried and cried. I don’t blame them and I know it was the right thing, but it was so sad.’

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Singer CORINNE BAILEY RAE:

‘My parents divorced when I was a teenager. As the eldest of three sisters, I was my mum’s confidante. You grow up fast working out how something went wrong.’

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TV presenter AMANDA DE CADENET

‘I came from a divorced home and displayed all the behaviour of a young woman struggling to find an identity and seeking to fill the loneliness with anything I could.’

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#315, Celebs and Their Parents’ Divorce (3)

So it is My Fault

 

An adult child of divorce shares the turbulent upbringing filled with abandonment and loneliness.  He recognizes how his mother lived a self-fulfilled life rather than a selfless life that a more attentive parent may choose.  Thankfully, he discovered the blessings of a secure family unit in his fathers’ family and found the fortitude to create a loving family of his own.   Imagine the heartache he could have been spared if his mother had provided a loving and secure environment. A parent who offers emotional security and unconditional love to their child is giving the best gift to their child!  

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My mother left because she was “not happy.” It was a simple answer, but it changed how I saw myself and everything else consequently. She said she had me out of wedlock, and back then felt pressured to marry, and no longer wished to stay with a man (my father) whom she didn’t truly love. She wanted to control her life, pursue her dreams, follow her destiny. But as far as I knew, she’d been doing that her whole life already.

I would’ve felt sorry for her if I hadn’t been dumped off at day cares or distant relatives while she went to go out with her friends. I would’ve felt sorry for her if the reason I was at school so late wasn’t because she wanted a promotion at work. I would’ve felt sorry for her if the reason I was eating cereal and PB&J sandwiches every day wasn’t because she was too lazy to get me something to eat. I would’ve felt sorry for her if the only reason she took us out to Chuck-E-Cheeses wasn’t to be distracted and force us to play with the children of her adulterous lover.

If my mother had left my father after selflessly giving herself to the end to put her child at least through high school, even better, college(!), than I would’ve said: “Hey, my mother may not have been happy, but she put her happiness below her love for her child and after all this sacrifice, I’d support a peaceable separation now that I’m out of the house and all grown up.” But she didn’t. Even while married, even while still responsible for kids, she prioritized her happiness. In the end, every major turn in my life after that day she walked out of the house when I was only 8 or 9 years old, would be a result of me (and my younger sister) riding on the back of her every decision to pursue her own happiness. Her every new house and apartment, her vain attempts to integrate her boyfriend and eventual (legal, though rightly not recognized by our Church) second husband, all leading up to the two new daughters she had with him.

She was not “happy” she said, before she took control of her life. Now she was. But what puzzled me as a child was how every step towards her happiness meant my sadness. My alienation. My struggle. When she moved out of the house, I had to pack and unpack my entire life to accommodate each week where ever in the world she had decided to live next. As she introduced her boyfriend into our lives, I had to deal with the psychological guilt of being obedient and respectful to the man who was the cause of the divorce, the one who was the reason she’d come late to pick me up at school or leave me with virtual strangers to have dates. And once she had more children with him, step-siblings whom I love unconditionally for their is no personal fault in them, I had no choice but realize the sobering fact that HER happiness was contingent on whether she could replace her imperfect mistakes with my father (myself and my sister included) with children that were brought about in her state of new found happiness.

She’ll never admit it to us though, that’s so buried down in her consciousness that only therapy can bring it out. But I noticed it! “I still love you.” She reminds us constantly. But love is supposed to be self-less and my whole life, the example of love has always been one that seeks to satisfy oneself before any obligation before that. Yes, my mother wasn’t happy in her marriage. But her children were. Her children had no idea of the gulf between father and mother. But rather than subordinate her desires, she fed them until the idea of putting her flesh and blood through such stress became feasible.

I left my mother eventually, when I grew old enough to make the call. I was scandalized by a certain incident wherein I was forced to listen to her and her new significant others’ amorous activities without any consideration to my presence and my sensibilities and boundaries. In other words, I was tired of being second in her life. I was sick of a love which never took me into consideration. Since then I’ve been consistently with my father and his big loving Mexican family, many of which’s member’s have been the victims of affairs in their own failed marriages. We support each other, my uncles and aunts raise their siblings’ children as their own if they lack fathers or mothers and we cousins support each other like brothers and sisters.

Thankfully, I’ve since learned what true love looks like with my true family. And you know what, it makes me happy to be no one’s liability or mistake, but to be loved and cared for. And I hope with all my heart to recreate the same with my family.

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Marriage-Ecosystem.org  So it is My Fault by Nicholas

Link: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/so-it-is-my-fault.html

#310, So it is My Fault

What Ever Happened to a “Happy Family”?

 

 

Excellent question!  I wonder how many children and adults of divorce ask this question.

One artist shares thoughts on their parents’ divorce.  Sadly, the effects of divorce linger on for some.  

 

Deviant Art Whatever happened to a __tvl__happy_family___by_pistol_pink-d53cp98

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Deviant Art: Happy Family by Joker-Darling

Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/TVL-Happy-Family-307962332

# 308, Whatever Happened to  a “happy family”?