Welcome to the Place for Poetry of the Personal!

Stained glass 5 pt 11 inch no spaces

Confess your feelings of betrayal, fear, heartache or humiliation that you have experienced in your divorce or co-parenting situation.

Share a setting that you regret or a situation that may have caused anguish, misery or sorrow  for your co-parent.  Or, reveal actions that may have promoted emotional pain or unhappiness for your child.

Confessions are not limited to heartache only.  Please share heartwarming moments and happy experiences you have experienced in divorce and shared parenting too!  Perhaps, something your co-parent did or said that has enhanced your co-parenting relationship.  

Here is anopportunity to share the confessions about your divorce or co-parenting experiences. This can be something that you have told to family and friends or a private thought that has remained a secret…….until now. Focus on extreme moments of individual experiences.  

This is a place to confess what your co-parent did or said that led to your feelings of betrayal, fear or humiliation. Write about something that you enacted, a statement or a thought you expressed that caused grief for your co-parent, your child or yourself.  

We learn from others experiences and situations. Perhaps in reading these scenarios, co-parents can identify with issues they are also experiencing.   Hopefully,one can see how some actions can have long-term negative effects and cause pain for their co-parent or child!   Importantly, by reading these stories co-parents can see that they are not alone in the thoughts and feelings surrounding their divorce and co-parenting relationship.

Invitation is extended to:

  • Parents who are divorced or in the process of divorce.
  • Parents and co-parents (never married) who have children.
  • Parents who have or do not have a parenting plan in place.
  • Anyone interested in a front row seat to see the despair that divorce or co-parenting issues can have on a parent and how the actions impact the child.

Don’t Give Up Hope

 

 

This artist shares a poignant poem for children and parents of divorce.  Divorce generates such an intense state of suffering for all parties. Emotional support is directed for those in the midst of divorce s a party and as a victim of parental divorce. Her encouraging words offers tips for coping emotionally in the aftermath.  The insightful comments acknowledge the hardship, heartbreak and the letting go of the past that inevitably accompanies divorce. 

Poem

Divorce is such a hard topic to deal with
From the moment that you’re a child, and the universe breaks
Or when you’re the adult, when you’re the one
Who has to make the choices, make the change
Speaking from the position of letting go
Sometimes, letting go is one of the best things you can do
You can’t change others; you can only change yourself
You might make mistakes; might have done things that
Could have made things better
You might feel like even though you’re alive
That life doesn’t seem worth living
But it is
The sun will rise again
Have hope
Even when things seem to be falling apart
Look up
There’s a point where you have to stop dwelling on the past
And learn to accept yourself for who you are now
You have to learn that there are just some things
You’re going to do, mistakes you’re going to make
And that even if you were perfect
Sometimes, things just don’t work out
Don’t focus on the pain alone
Pain, like guilt, is a tool
And, if you are a daughter or a son going through this heartbreaking event
For heaven’s sake…
Don’t blame yourself
Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself.
It’s not your fault, even if it feels like it.
It’s. not. you.
And it’s going to take time to process these hurts
Don’t expect it to be easy
For the parents…
We all make mistakes
But it’s the sum of our parts
That makes us who we are
Even if you’re struggling, trying to find hope
One of the best ways to do that is to reach out to people that you trust
People that can help you, guide you, and who can set the road for a new life
Don’t expect everything to be normal
Don’t expect the world to just be okay
Don’t brush away your feelings
Accept them
But with hope
For if you have not hope
You will not see the good that can come from such a tragic event
Let things go
Change what you need to change
Let the world be quiet for just a little while,
And let your heart be comforted
It will turn out all right
Don’t give up hope

 

#450, Don’t Give Up Hope

Poem by J Lynn D. (celestialsunberry) at Deviant Art by celestialsunberry.deviantart.com

Picture from a different source.

The Living Dead

 

Here is an emotional account of the heart wrenching reality of  parental alienation. Emotional mental health is important in high conflict divorces.  If you are devastated because you are unable to have a relationship with your child- please seek help.  There are support groups to offer emotional support. There is hope in finding strength with other parents experiencing the same feelings. Suicide is not the answer. 

Shared by David Shubert on Parental ALienationAwareness Organization International-North Texas 

The Living Dead

The very breath we breathe is sucked out of us. We walk around like zombies. The smile we once had is no longer visible and peace is forever gone. This is what it is like for a parent who has been alienated from their children. We simply cease to function on a normal basis. On the outside, we are normal but on the inside we scream in terror and hold onto dysfunctional behavior.

Most people who know us do not understand what we are going through. They only see what they want to see. They will never understand what it is like to lose their child because of the vindictive actions of an alienating spouse or the erroneous decisions of a family court judge. They think we embellish our situation and should be able to move on but, how can we?

There are many parents and our children who have chosen to lose the battle of alienation because the pain is too great and are unable to continue fighting for what they desire. It is unfortunate when this occurs because their pain may end in the physical and emotional sense but, they leave it behind for those still on this earth who once loved them.

For myself, I have known three parents who have chosen to end their pain and suffering in the most dreadful manner caused by alienation. It leaves a hole in my heart that can never be filled. For family members, it must be even more devastating. I can only say that you must hold on and believe that tomorrow will be better.

It is imperative that each of you take care to safeguard your mental and emotional health because you need to be here for the time of when your children awaken from their slumber and realize they need you. If, you choose to make the ultimate decision to end your pain…you are wrong and you are selfish. Pick yourself up and make the conscious decision to fight back against the dark powers.

There is a way to do this and that is the power of self-healing. Step back from the fight. Concentrate on yourself and do something that promotes a different emotional environment for yourself. I understand how difficult this may be and how you may feel that you are giving up on your child through this process but, if you are damaged then you are no good to yourself nor your child.

Take time to heal. Go on that long awaited vacation. Go fishing. Camping with a friend? How about taking a dancing class? Perhaps counseling? Whatever you need to do make sure that fulfill your bucket list and come back a more complete person. After all, you’re worth it and so are your children. They need to have you back in their lives and not an emotional wreck. They need you as you once were.

Ultimately, the choice is yours to make. You can either choose to live in a silent, emotional fear and heartache or you can make the conscious decision to rise above this and heal yourself. Don’t be selfish in your actions. Consider who you are doing this for and that is your children. They deserve to have a super-mom or super-dad in their corner fighting for them.

Heal yourself from within and regain your life, your smile and your children. We all have this drive and fight inside us, we just have to reach down deep to find it. We do not have to be the living dead. We can instead be the living parents again!

By David Shubert

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#449, The Living Dead

Categories: A Parent’s heartache, Parent to Parent, Reality of Divorce 

A Father’s Story

 

A heart wrenching story of divorce, false allegations and Family Court. This father pours out his heart and soul about his emotions, feelings and experiences during the divorce process and how this impacted the relationship with his children. Will his daughter and son ever know what he went through? What he sacrificed?   Will his children ever realize what they lost out on? That they missed being raised by a caring, loving and responsible father? Probably not.  Once the damage is done-nothing can be done. 

As told by the father:

It’s difficult to summarize 13 years of hell in a short story, especially when you’re past it, you’ve survived, and your heart is at peace knowing you gave it your all.

I married my high school sweetheart.  We fought quite a bit I suppose, but it was what seemed typical amongst our friends at the time.  It wasn’t anything that made me question our commitment to each other especially once we had a child.

At this stage in my life, I honestly don’t remember too much from our relationship.  I actually don’t know the woman, who is the mother of my children.  But, there are 3 memories that will never fade from my memory during that time: the birth of my baby girl, A, the birth of my boy, J, and that frightful day when they were both taken from me.

With no warning signs that I could identify, no reason, and with no explanation, I returned home from work one day, and my family was gone.  I was devastated.  At that time, A was three and J wasn’t even yet one.  I drove to her rent’s that night, but what was once a family who embraced me as their son, suddenly held hate and spite.  To this day, I can’t explain why.

This turned into a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  It’s a pain that I don’t think anyone could grasp unless they have experienced it.  People can empathize and try to imagine what it’s like to have their children taken away, but they don’t live the daily agony, the unknowns, the fear, the helplessness, and the heartache.  It’s enough to drive a person crazy, literally.

In addition to having my kids ripped away from me, I ended up losing my home, I faced false allegations of assault, I was called a deadbeat, and I was threatened with jail time if I couldn’t keep up with child support.  I couldn’t take time to grieve.  Even my own family told me to “man up” and deal with it.  I didn’t have any savings.  I wasn’t educated.  I didn’t have family support in the way I felt I needed.  I wanted to be a father.  But, “manning up”, or rather – becoming a paycheck, was the only realistic option I saw.  That is what I considered my personal rock bottom.

This was the late 80s, and at that time, it was already engrained in our culture that physical custody goes to the mom, dad provides financially, and dad is lucky to see the children every other weekend if the mother and a judge so deems appropriate.  Any venting – such as sharing my story like this – would be considered wimpy, whiney or otherwise questioning my masculinity in some way.

The reason I want this story anonymous is because I’m embarrassed, and I don’t want my children to know this, but after they were taken from me, I wasn’t able to feel like a father, or at least as how I envisioned a father to be.  The little time I had with them initially was awkward, uncomfortable, and faced with fear of more false allegations.  Hugs were distant, and “rough housing” and wrestling ended.  I even dreaded disciplining them out of worry it would be used against me.

Our time was precious to me, and I cherished our time, but, sometimes, just spending time with them brought me anxiety.  I prayed that we’d get through the “visit” without any bruises or injuries that could be used against me.  I was always walking on egg shells, in everything I did.

I also, admittedly, feared that my children wouldn’t want to spend time with me, and they did at times call their mom to say they wanted to go “home” because they were bored.  I felt the need to spoil them with gifts, so they’d want to come see me.  After all, I was taking them away from their full time home, bed, toys, and friends, to come to a small apartment I shared with a buddy.  I felt the need to have to do ‘something’ with them, and ‘something’ always translated into something way above my humble means.  And, though, anxious while they were with me, I was then torn to pieces each time they left.  The emptiness and silence in the apartment when they left, brought lonesomeness that I can’t describe.  And then I waited another 2-4 weeks before I could see them again.  It’s an emotional rollercoaster unlike any other.

They grew, and I felt so detached from their lives.  I knew inconsequential things about them, such as their favorite color, meal and their favorite sport, but I didn’t know them – their friends, their feelings, their dreams and goals.

I put the rest of my life on hold for all those years, trying to ignore the depression, in order to support my kids financially and to have some involvement in their lives.  But, nevertheless, I always felt like a failure, not having the ability to be closely involved in their lives, and to be the father I had always wanted to be.  To some extent I thought my life was over and that the pain would never end.  Everyone I knew going through a similar experience, seemed to have accepted their fate.  So, I tried to act that way too.

To my surprise, when A turned 16, she started coming by more often, by her own choice and on her own terms.  She was craving structure, rules and love.  It caught me off guard at first that she wanted to hang out with her dad.  But, that.. THAT was my saving grace.  That helped me to build my confidence as a person, as a man, and most importantly, as a parent.  To this day, I tell her that she saved my life.  And, I truly believe she did.

In my late 40s, fourteen years after my divorce, I finally felt like a father, I started a new career, I started to build my savings, and I purchased my first home.  My own dad said to me at one point ‘it’s about time you grew up and played adult’.  If my own father, who knows all of the details of what I went through, can’t understand the devastation and empathize, then no one else certainly would.  And, so, I’ve remained silent… until now.

I’m a survivor.  A survivor of the family court system that ripped my children away from me, stripped me of my rights, degraded me, insulted me, labeled me a paycheck – and, what is most unforgiveable, taken a caring, loving father from my beautiful children.  I’ve healed.  My children have healed.  And, our bitterness has all faded, replaced by the close bond we now have.  I couldn’t be prouder of my kids.  Ashley is a teacher, and Jaxson is a mechanic.  Life is very good.

I share my story now so people know that those of us who have lived through this are not “OK” with it.  We are not OK with having our children taken away from us, with having our right to parent taken away.  We are not OK with our children suffering.  We are not OK with our children “turning out OK” in spite of their broken childhood.  We want their successful outcome to be the result of a happy and healthy childhood, shared with both sides of their families so they can fully benefit from the great relationship with parents, grandparents, siblings and cousins and to grow painlessly into the adults they were naturally intended to become!  We need to band together to fix this now before our society completely crumbles.

#448, A Fathers Story

Kubo and the Monster

 

This very talented artist faces the ‘monster’ of divorce.  Excellent depiction of the emotional experiences of divorce from the child’s perspective. The artist shares: “As Kubo walked into the dark, gloomy cave, he suddenly heard a noise and swiftly turned around to it’s source, he looked but there was no one there, he turned back around and gazed at the sight of the monster ,The Monster of abandonment ,and despair, he swiftly grabbed his guitar and shamisen,and started to play.”

info about the art from the artist:
“Okay, the shadowy wolf thing its actually what I had to deal with in my elementary school years ,you see my elementary school years were not the best ,I had to face betrayal ,abandonment ,loneliness ,and my family now divorced ,and many other things ,but it wasn’t until jr. high that I met my friend ,which is now my friend even to today.”

#447, Kubo and the Monster

Deviant Art, Kub and the Monster by cookiedragon202

http://cookiedragon202.deviantart.com/art/Kubo-and-The-Monster-645096365

Categories: A Child’s View, Reality of Divorce, Impact on child

 

 

Confusion

Confusion!  Who do I pick?  Mom or dad?  Tears appear to be flowing in two distinct paths; mom and dad? She seems sad. Even her hair seem droopy. Are tears flowing down on each side under the desk? Letters that write mom look larger than under dad’s side. The eyes of this little girl are pronounced albeit confusing. There is something about her eyes.  What do you think? 

#446, Confusion

Categories: A Child’s View, Impact on child

Who is Missing?

 

A book cover reveals the sad reality of divorce. The most prominent feature of this picture is the outline of a father with a very sad face. Neither child is smiling. The only person who appears happy is mom. Curiously, her arm is around the ‘missing’ father. Children have right to have a relationship with both parents. If a child had two parents in their life before the divorce, then they should be able to enjoy both parents after the divorce.

Divorce is between the parents-about the child! LOVE WINS!

#445, Who is Missing?

Categories: Impact on child, Reality of Divorce