Welcome! A Place for Poetry of the Personal!

Stained glass 5 pt 11 inch no spaces

Confess your feelings of betrayal, fear, heartache or humiliation that you have experienced in your divorce or co-parenting situation.

Share a setting that you regret or a situation that may have caused anguish, misery or sorrow  for your co-parent.  Or, reveal actions that may have promoted emotional pain or unhappiness for your child.

Confessions are not limited to heartache only.  Please share heartwarming moments and happy experiences you have experienced in divorce and shared parenting too!  Perhaps, something your co-parent did or said that has enhanced your co-parenting relationship.  

Here is anopportunity to share the confessions about your divorce or co-parenting experiences. This can be something that you have told to family and friends or a private thought that has remained a secret…….until now. Focus on extreme moments of individual experiences.  

This is a place to confess what your co-parent did or said that led to your feelings of betrayal, fear or humiliation. Write about something that you enacted, a statement or a thought you expressed that caused grief for your co-parent, your child or yourself.  

We learn from others experiences and situations. Perhaps in reading these scenarios, co-parents can identify with issues they are also experiencing.   Hopefully,one can see how some actions can have long-term negative effects and cause pain for their co-parent or child!   Importantly, by reading these stories co-parents can see that they are not alone in the thoughts and feelings surrounding their divorce and co-parenting relationship.

Invitation is extended to:

  • Parents who are divorced or in the process of divorce.
  • Parents and co-parents (never married) who have children.
  • Parents who have or do not have a parenting plan in place.
  • Anyone interested in a front row seat to see the despair that divorce or co-parenting issues can have on a parent and how the actions impact the child.

Take a Step in the Right Direction

 

This parent offers encouragement to try Shared Parenting! Excellent advice to parents involved in custody matters.  The take-home message is that shared parenting may not be easy; however, everyone in the family will benefit. Taking steps toward  co-parenting is an ongoing process….. in the right direction.

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Take a step in the right direction and try co-parenting. I know sometimes it may seem impossible and you might feel like your doing it alone, but it will get better. When I first started my journey there were many times where I felt defeated and wanted to give up. Heck, sometimes I still feel like that, but then I think of my beautiful son and I know he deserves both his mommy and daddy. I have no idea what I’m doing but I know I’m doing it well… or at least I’m trying too!

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Co-Parents R Us.  

Link to FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Coparentsrus

#275, Take a Step in the Right Direction

Well Treated Fathers

 

This mother shares the reality of shared parenting!  Put the child first!   She eloquently shares the emotional aspects of shared parenting-sharing holidays and life events with her co-parent.  Children need both parents in their lives.  If the child had two parents involved in their life before the divorce-the special bonding experiences should continue.

Divorce is between the parents and about the child! 

LOVE WINS!

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I am a mother of 4! Three boys with my ex husband and a daughter with my ex fiancé. Both dads have full open access to their children and are welcome to see them as much as they want. I invite them to everything they are doing and they overnights on weekends as often as possible. Was it extremely difficult the first time I had to send my babies off without me the first time? Yes. Did I cry on Halloween when their dad took them trick or treating instead of me last year? Yes. Did I see the inside the first time I handed my toddler over to step mom? D*** right!! But I did it anyway because dads are important. I couldn’t live without my daddy, so I sure am not going to take my kids dads away from them no matter why it didn’t work out.

The more ppl that love and support my children the better for them and as a mother that is all I can ask for! There is no other option that is valid. Mothers need to embrace the situation, let go of hurt and put their children first. And children need daddy time!!! Period. 
I have 4 happy, well adjusted children because they have happy, well treated fathers.

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As shared The Father’s Rights Movement, August 8, 2015.

Link to FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Fathers4kids?fref=nf

#273, Well Treated Fathers

 

 

 

Focus on the Child!

 

A message to parents from someone who understands the concept of Shared Parenting!  The legal arena of divorce focuses on the parents as the plaintiff and respondent instead of the parents of the child in a custody matter.  Focus should be on the child  ……….because, shared parenting is  clearly in the best interest of the child!

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Shared parenting shouldn’t ever be entered into as a compromise for parents who both want full custody. Instead it should always be entered into as a choice made for the children who both deserve as much time as possible with both parents.

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#254, Focus on the child!

Positive Co-Parenting

 

Children have the DNA of both parents! Negative comments made about one parent sends the wrong message and…may also apply to your child.  Nurturing the relationship your child has with your co-parent is critical. An act as simple as encouraging your child to pick out a gift for your co-parent on Father’s Day demonstrates care and concern.  

Support the relationship a child has with both parents! 

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A couple weeks ago, my son and I were at a store and I asked him what he wanted to get his papa for father’s day? He ran around the store looking for a gift for his papa! My son was so excited to “surprise papa” This made my heart happy.

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# 156, Positive Co-parenting

Check Out All Categories

 

Confessions available in the following categories:

A CHILD’S VIEW

ADULT CHILD OF DIVORCE (ACOD)

ADVICE: PARENT TO PARENT

CELEBS AND PARENTAL DIVORCE

FAMILY COURT

FOR GRANDPARENTS

HAPPY ENDINGS

HOLIDAYS

IMPACT ON CHILD

NARCISSISTIC TENDENCIES

PARENTAL HEARTACHE

PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE: CHILD

REALITY OF DIVORCE

THIS IS SHARED PARENTING

TRUE CONFESSIONS

ALL CATEGORIES

 

Experience from an adult child of divorce

 

An adult child of divorce shares their experience. Shared Parenting is possible!  Encouraging the relationship a child has with both parents removes the burden of having to choose sides.  Children love both parents and want to maintain their special bond after divorce and separation.  Support the relationship a child has with both parents!

A sweet story!

Anonymous: Hey guys, I am a child of divorce. You can share my story if you want, just leave my name off. My parents divorced when I was 4. my dad was an alcoholic and was violent towards my mother. He did get clean tho and stopped that behavior. My mom had hundreds of reasons to be bitter towards my dad..hundreds of them! She could have hated him for all he did to her and for all he put her through (and maybe she did but she never let that on to my sister and I) and could have kept him from us. My mom got full custody of me and my sister, with my dad paying child support, however I was allowed to be with him whenever I wanted. My mom never told me no. I had a bedroom at his house and a bedroom at my moms. If I felt like staying at moms, I did, and vice versa. Not once did I think my dad’s house wasn’t my home. They were both my home! I was never living out of a suitcase. I had two parents who both loved me and two parents that I equally needed in my life. I am so happy that they could put aside their differences and make it work for me and my sibling!

Exchanges were no big deal. As an adult, I know now they didn’t exactly like seeing each other but I would have never guessed that as a child! They were all smiles. They acted exactly the way adults should act!! When the opposition says that a child needs one home, I shake my head. Kids are so resilient and adapt so easily. Having one home with mom and one home with dad isn’t a problem to them…they adjust. Might there be a trial period, of course, but they will adapt!!

As far as 2 adults not being able to get along so shared parenting won’t work..I say this! Grow up! You chose to have a child with somebody so be adult enough to raise your child with them!! I would resent my mom today if she wouldn’t have allowed me as much time with my father as I wanted! A child having a bond with each parent is so so so important and one parent shouldn’t get in the way of that just because they don’t like their ex!! Shared parenting is definitely the way to go!!

 

p.s.  Dear anonymous person,

Thank you for sharing this uplifting and heart felt story!

 

Anonymous experience shared on Facebook page of Supporters of North Dakota Shared Parenting on 10/30/2014

Facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Supporters-of-North-Dakota-Shared-Parenting/207487462781303?fref=nf

Note: Spacing to create paragraphs was added. Sibling replaced gender of sibling referenced.  The words and order of the story are presented as submitted.

 

 

 

 

Who Is Missing?

 

Artwork by a young artist seems to reveal anger, loss and sadness. Two people are crossed out in black. Is this a parent, a sibling or the perhaps the artist? One parent seems to have a squarish face with large eyes and the only character with a mouth.  Does this mean no one else has a voice? Who is the person in red and partly covered with black squiggly lines?  Is this the child? There are many unknowns in this art. Hopefully, someone will realize what the child is trying to say. Someone should be listening to this wee one. 

 

 

 

#521, Who Is Missing?

Who Are You?

 

 Children are a part of both parents. This artwork speaks to the importance of parental communication in front of the child. Comments about one parent do impact the child.  Had ‘the parents never met’ is a difficult concept to reconcile.   Parental conflict could be handled in private. Commentaries on the co-parent could be made among adult friends and relatives. Hopefully, the parents will reach out to their artist and talk about what is happening,  Divorce is between the parents and about the child!

Child pic Who are you lg m

Rebuilding After Family Court: A Father’s Story

A heart wrenching story of divorce, false allegations and Family Court; with a positive outcome. This father pours out his heart and soul about his emotions, feelings and experiences during the divorce process and how this impacted the relationship with his children. Will his daughter and son ever know what he went through? What he sacrificed?   Will his children ever realize what they lost out on? That they missed being raised by a caring, loving and responsible father? 

 

As told by the father:

It’s difficult to summarize 13 years of hell in a short story, especially when you’re past it, you’ve survived, and your heart is at peace knowing you gave it your all.

I married my high school sweetheart.  We fought quite a bit I suppose, but it was what seemed typical amongst our friends at the time.  It wasn’t anything that made me question our commitment to each other especially once we had a child.

At this stage in my life, I honestly don’t remember too much from our relationship.  I actually don’t know the woman, who is the mother of my children.  But, there are 3 memories that will never fade from my memory during that time: the birth of my baby girl, A, the birth of my boy, J, and that frightful day when they were both taken from me.

With no warning signs that I could identify, no reason, and with no explanation, I returned home from work one day, and my family was gone.  I was devastated.  At that time, A was three and J wasn’t even yet one.  I drove to her rent’s that night, but what was once a family who embraced me as their son, suddenly held hate and spite.  To this day, I can’t explain why.

This turned into a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  It’s a pain that I don’t think anyone could grasp unless they have experienced it.  People can empathize and try to imagine what it’s like to have their children taken away, but they don’t live the daily agony, the unknowns, the fear, the helplessness, and the heartache.  It’s enough to drive a person crazy, literally.

In addition to having my kids ripped away from me, I ended up losing my home, I faced false allegations of assault, I was called a deadbeat, and I was threatened with jail time if I couldn’t keep up with child support.  I couldn’t take time to grieve.  Even my own family told me to “man up” and deal with it.  I didn’t have any savings.  I wasn’t educated.  I didn’t have family support in the way I felt I needed.  I wanted to be a father.  But, “manning up”, or rather – becoming a paycheck, was the only realistic option I saw.  That is what I considered my personal rock bottom.

This was the late 80s, and at that time, it was already engrained in our culture that physical custody goes to the mom, dad provides financially, and dad is lucky to see the children every other weekend if the mother and a judge so deems appropriate.  Any venting – such as sharing my story like this – would be considered wimpy, whiney or otherwise questioning my masculinity in some way.

The reason I want this story anonymous is because I’m embarrassed, and I don’t want my children to know this, but after they were taken from me, I wasn’t able to feel like a father, or at least as how I envisioned a father to be.  The little time I had with them initially was awkward, uncomfortable, and faced with fear of more false allegations.  Hugs were distant, and “rough housing” and wrestling ended.  I even dreaded disciplining them out of worry it would be used against me.

Our time was precious to me, and I cherished our time, but, sometimes, just spending time with them brought me anxiety.  I prayed that we’d get through the “visit” without any bruises or injuries that could be used against me.  I was always walking on egg shells, in everything I did.

I also, admittedly, feared that my children wouldn’t want to spend time with me, and they did at times call their mom to say they wanted to go “home” because they were bored.  I felt the need to spoil them with gifts, so they’d want to come see me.  After all, I was taking them away from their full time home, bed, toys, and friends, to come to a small apartment I shared with a buddy.  I felt the need to have to do ‘something’ with them, and ‘something’ always translated into something way above my humble means.  And, though, anxious while they were with me, I was then torn to pieces each time they left.  The emptiness and silence in the apartment when they left, brought lonesomeness that I can’t describe.  And then I waited another 2-4 weeks before I could see them again.  It’s an emotional rollercoaster unlike any other.

They grew, and I felt so detached from their lives.  I knew inconsequential things about them, such as their favorite color, meal and their favorite sport, but I didn’t know them – their friends, their feelings, their dreams and goals.

I put the rest of my life on hold for all those years, trying to ignore the depression, in order to support my kids financially and to have some involvement in their lives.  But, nevertheless, I always felt like a failure, not having the ability to be closely involved in their lives, and to be the father I had always wanted to be.  To some extent I thought my life was over and that the pain would never end.  Everyone I knew going through a similar experience, seemed to have accepted their fate.  So, I tried to act that way too.

To my surprise, when A turned 16, she started coming by more often, by her own choice and on her own terms.  She was craving structure, rules and love.  It caught me off guard at first that she wanted to hang out with her dad.  But, that.. THAT was my saving grace.  That helped me to build my confidence as a person, as a man, and most importantly, as a parent.  To this day, I tell her that she saved my life.  And, I truly believe she did.

In my late 40s, fourteen years after my divorce, I finally felt like a father, I started a new career, I started to build my savings, and I purchased my first home.  My own dad said to me at one point ‘it’s about time you grew up and played adult’.  If my own father, who knows all of the details of what I went through, can’t understand the devastation and empathize, then no one else certainly would.  And, so, I’ve remained silent… until now.

I’m a survivor.  A survivor of the family court system that ripped my children away from me, stripped me of my rights, degraded me, insulted me, labeled me a paycheck – and, what is most unforgiveable, taken a caring, loving father from my beautiful children.  I’ve healed.  My children have healed.  And, our bitterness has all faded, replaced by the close bond we now have.  I couldn’t be prouder of my kids.  One works in education, and my youngest works in the auto industry.  Life is very good.

I share my story now so people know that those of us who have lived through this are not “OK” with it.  We are not OK with having our children taken away from us, with having our right to parent taken away.  We are not OK with our children suffering.  We are not OK with our children “turning out OK” in spite of their broken childhood.  We want their successful outcome to be the result of a happy and healthy childhood, shared with both sides of their families so they can fully benefit from the great relationship with parents, grandparents, siblings and cousins and to grow painlessly into the adults they were naturally intended to become!  We need to band together to fix this now before our society completely crumbles.

#848, Rebuilding After Family Court: A Father’s Story