This adult child of divorce shares the emotional tug of war that existed due to her parents divorce.  She shares the emotional turmoil of trying to spend as much time as possible with her father.   Importantly, this adult outlines vivid scenarios of what she missed out on.  All because her father was not actively involved in her life.  

If a child has two parents before the divorce.  The child has a right to have a loving relationship with both parents. 

Both my parents loved me dearly. Even after the divorce, I never doubted their love for me, not even for a moment. But that love was a double edged sword in some ways because they were always competing for me. For most of my childhood, I felt torn between my them, and their two worlds.

Because my mother had primary custody, I saw my father on weekends and holidays. I always felt guilty when I spent time with one, or like I had to hide my feelings of love for the other. I would miss my mother when I was at my father’s house, and when my father would drop me off after a visit, I would feel like my heart was being torn from my chest every time we said goodbye (I still feel that way to this day!). At a school event, I would be so happy to see my father in the audience, but when he came backstage to give me a hug, if my mother and her new husband were nearby, I would hang back, fearful of showing too much emotion, and perhaps hurting my mother’s feelings. That tug of war feeling has never gone away.

My parents’ divorce also robbed me of precious time with my father that I will never get back. Growing up, my father always tried to squeeze as much time as he could into our summer visits, and the every other weekend I saw him during the year. Once he had a new family, our time together was more limited.
 Nearly every visit, we would have one “date night,” where we could just be by ourselves. As much as I treasured these moments, they were never enough.

In addition to lost time with my father, I lost someone to protect me from the men my mother mistakenly brought into our lives in her (understandable) search for love; I lost someone to affirm me as a woman during the awkward and painful pre-teen years; I lost someone to greet and grill my potential boyfriends; I lost someone to comfort me when my heart was broken; and I lost strong arms to hold me when I fell and to encourage me to try again. Today, when I see my little girl run to greet my husband at the door, when I see her smile as he picks her up and twirls her around, I grieve for all the moments I lost with my father that I can never get back.

Marriage-ecosystem.org  Lifelong Grief

#357, Tug of War

An adult child of divorce shares the lifelong Grief due to her parents divorce.  Divorce ruins the family and the feelings of loss will always be readily accessible. Notably, the words spoken by her father, “Don’t take her a way” have offered peace and solace over the years.  

How many children do not even have that consolation.  Problems from parents who engage in tactics  of parental alienation syndrome are two-fold.  First, the child is robbed of the emotional experience of having a relationship with both parents. Two, there are no explanations as to why one parent has left or had no contact with them.  

Divorce can be a wicked event in a child’s life.  

Divorce is between pareents-About the child!

My divorce story begins with an image of my father, curled up underneath my baby bed while I slept, whispering a tearful goodbye. Later that night, he would beg my mother, “Please, don’t take her away.” Because I was only two when my parents divorced, I have no actual memory of this moment. But my mother has shared it with me enough times that it feels like a real memory. I clung to this image as a child, and in some ways it fed my fantasy that my parents might have stayed married, if only she had allowed him to stay.

Whenever I heard this story, it always struck me that my father did not say, “Don’t leave me,” but only, “Don’t take her away.” My Lebanese father viewed their troubled marriage through the eyes of a culture where family ties are strong and divorce is rare. He believed they could find a way to work things out so that I could stay in his home, even if the marriage was bad. But that was not enough for my American mother, who had grown up in a turbulent home where her own mother had stayed too long in an unhealthy marriage “for the children.” After all, it was 1976, and the culture was shouting that getting out was the best thing to do—that she deserved better. What my parents did not realize at the time is that divorce never works out for the better—especially not for the children.

Nearly 38 years later, I am still grieving the loss of my parents’ marriage. The divorce left me fragmented, vulnerable, angry, and, in some ways, homeless. I am always half empty—longing for the family I will never have. When they divorced, my mother and father broke up our little family, but what neither of them realized at that time is that they also broke me in two.

Lifelong Grief as shared on Marriage-ecosystem.org

http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/lifelong-grief.html

#356, Lifelong Grief

This pic captures the essence of divorce for the child!  Yelling.  Finger pointing.  Parents appear as creatures rather than humans.   Interestingly, the parents seem to appear as shadows, perhaps a way to demonstrate how the parents are overpowering the child’s emotional state. The line down the middle is somewhat curious.  The line is off center to the walls of the room and lead directly to the child.  A scary picture at best.

Deviant Art

#355, Scary Parents

A heart wrenching story!  Sadly, this father acted in what was “truly in the best interest of the child’ in order to alleviate the emotional pain and suffering of his daughter.  He made the selfless decision to not participate in his child’s life.  Will his co-parent ever realize the damage caused?  Will his daughter ever learn the truth about ‘why’ her father was absent in her life? Will his daughter ever know how much her father truly loves her?  Will she ever realize the sacrifice made by her father who put her needs and emotional stability before his own?

Dad recounts why he stopped seeing daughter after bitter divorce

By Eugenebeo

Parental conflict has an effect on children!  This artist seems to recall a happier time-when parents shared their child!  This artist shares: “This is just a little something to express my feelings on my parent’s divorce. They often fight even though they are no longer together, and over me mainly and try to make me hate the other and so on- Basically it’s like grown ups fighting over a stuffed bear which they don’t want to share anymore as they used to. “

How sad!!!

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Deviant Art by  Nyanumi

 #353, Teddy Bears Have Feelings Too

Children suffer when mom and dad divorce. Children take the attitude that parents can fix anything.  That no problem is too great for their parents to handle.  Divorce shatters the child’s basic belief and security regarding the parents’ abilities to care for them.   For some, the emotional scars may have long-lasting and more visible consequences.  

 

Divorce is like a death in the family.  Everything is changed.  Holiday gatherings are not the same.  Birthday celebrations are different.  Day to day activities may differ.   In divorce, the dynamics shift. Relationships that at one time offered strength and security, are now cast aside. Everyone in the family needs to adjust to the ‘loss’ of the family.  The reality of divorce is that the demise of a family is a sad affair for everyone involved.  Nothing is the same after!  

In divorce, everyone is impacted differently.  Divorce takes something from everyone!

#350, Death of a Family

Divorce from the eye of the child- in one word!!! Divorce happens for different reasons. Whether the divorce is expected or unexpected-the event is still traumatizing and sometimes an overwhelming experience.  This artist expresses their emotions in one word.  WHY?  

Deviant Art by datinu, Why!

#349, Why?

Divorce takes a toll on everyone involved.  Especially of the most innocent victims!  The child!  Sometimes the damage is so intense and horrific that their world view is forever altered.  This artist shares the poignant reminder of their experience with divorce and does not believe in LOVE or MARRIAGE!!!!!  How utterly sad!

Deviant Art: Not Believe in Love or Marriage by messofmemoriesxX

#348, Not Believe in Love or Marriage