Dad recounts why he stopped seeing daughter after bitter divorce
‘My heart broke when I saw her crying’
IT STRUCK a chord with him when he read about a divorced father’s plight of not being able to see his son.
By Hedy Khoo
06 July 2009

IT STRUCK a chord with him when he read about a divorced father’s plight of not being able to see his son.

When John (we are not using his real name to protect his daughter) read the article, ‘Come back to me, son’ published in The New Paper on Sunday last week, he called to share his story.

The 37-year-old claimed he is in a similar situation following his divorce in October.

He was granted weekly access time by the court, but hasn’t been able to see his 6-year-old daughter since January.

‘My ex-wife told me my daughter doesn’t want to see me, but there is no good reason for this,’ he said.

He claimed he last saw his daughter on 1Jan this year when he handed her back to her mother after he had his access time for the second half of December last year.

He divorced his wife on grounds of alleged adultery and showed us the divorce papers which he filed with the courts.

The divorce was an acrimonious one and he is no longer on speaking terms with his ex-wife. He claimed that despite her alleged adultery, she was awarded custody of their daughter, their only child .

He discovered his ex-wife’s alleged infidelity after spending more than $10,000 to hire a private investigator to tail her in March last year. He claimed for the sake of his daughter, he suggested they stay married but she refused.

The divorce was finalised last October.

He estimates he has spent $20,000 on legal fees in order to apply for access time to his daughter.

Problems started soon after, in January and February this year, when his ex-wife did not turn up at the appointed time with their daughter.

The only way he got to see her was to wait at the void deck of a building opposite her school. There, he would catch a glimpse of her being taken into the school by his maid.

‘I missed her very much and that was the only way I get to see her, even if from a distance. I don’t get to talk to her or hug her,’ he said.

He then applied to the court in March for additional access time during the holidays last month. He was given access from 16 to 28Jun.

But the handover was to be under the supervision of a counsellor at a family service centre.

Cried

On the day of the handover, on 16Jun, John went to the family service centre, but he claimed his daughter refused to see him initially and cried.

‘I had to spend half an hour to coax her and tell her how much I loved her before she would hug me,’ he said.

But his daughter refused to go with him.

Then three days later, on 19 Jun, he made another attempt to see her at the family service centre.’This time it was even worse. She cried and refused to even enter the centre,’ he said.

‘My heart broke when I saw her crying and looking so traumatised. I felt hurt that my own child would reject me like this.

‘I couldn’t bear to see her like this so I decided to give up my access time. I didn’t want to put her through more trauma even if it means I cannot spend time with her.’

He is seeking further legal advice on the matter.

#354, My Heart Broke