In the Best Interest of …..

Shifting our focus to the child in divorce and custody matters is critical!  Divorce is between the parents and about the child. We have decades of research indicating how the parent-child relationship impacts the emotional development of the child.  The parent-child relationship is the single-most-determining factor in the emotional development of the child. 

The time for creating for changes within the family court system is now!


Shared on the Father’s Rights Movement.

Link to FB page:

#575, In the Best Interest of Money

Divorced Kids


What is the cost of divorce for this family? An artist shares a photo: A picture of two children sitting on a fallen branch is photo-shopped with dollar bills over their faces.  Seemingly, one parent is impacted financially.  What is the parenting plan for this family? Both children are old enough to know what is happening. What type of parent-child relationship are these children experiencing?  Family court rulings often put children in the middle of custody matters. Are the needs of the children at the forefront of their custody matter?

RESEARCH STUDY! Assesses parental financial/emotional experiences in family court.

Survey is for all parents who are or have been to court for child custody matters.

Link to survey:



Deviant art child money i 2015-06-06 at 11.37.13 AM



Deviant Art, Divorce Kids by Astranomical (sic)

Link to artwork: http://www.deviant 

#488, Divorced Kids

Spent College $ on Legal Fees

How true! Too many parents liquidate accounts, sell their home, and use savings account to pay for legal fees. All efforts are made with the goal of having a relationship with their child. Equal Shared Parenting laws could reduce the high court costs many parents face. Could the money be better spent on education, vacations, and family time?

RESEARCH STUDY! Assesses parental financial/emotional experiences in family court.

Survey is for all parents who are or have been to court for child custody matters.

Link to survey:

#472, Spent College $ on Legal Fees

Shared on TimeToPutKidsFirst, Facebook link:

Role of Fathers

This mom outlines why shared parenting is best for her boys. Family court guidelines in her state support shared parenting and ruled joint legal and physical custody in their case. Imagine if she proceeded with excluding her co-parent,  how would their sons be affected? What emotions might this father have experienced by being left out?  Read her story and gain insight in how she experienced a change of heart. 

I did not plan to get divorced. I did not plan to share legal and physical custody of my four children. In fact, in the early days of our divorce, I strongly believed that my then-husband should not evenly share parenting and decision making power with me.

I was wrong. Fortunately, our home state, Wisconsin, has a legal presumption toward shared parenting. Since the year 2000, Wisconsin courts have been legally required to presume joint legal custody  — which gives both parents equal rights to make decisions regarding their children — as in the best interests of the children. Wisconsin family courts are also required to “set a placement schedule that allows the child to have regularly occurring, meaningful periods of physical placement with each parent…that maximizes the amount of time the child may spend with each parent.”

 At the time of our divorce, that presumption didn’t seem fair to me. After all, up until the point of our divorce, I’d been the parent to schedule and take the children to all of their doctor’s appointments. I’d been the parent who researched education, health and parenting information, and the parent who spent the bulk of her time performing childcare. Why should I, the clearly involved parent, be forced share time and decision making power with a man who couldn’t be bothered to be involved when we were married?

That’s what I thought at the time. It’s perhaps obvious, but important to note, that I was hurt, angry and bitter at that point in my life. I never wanted to be a divorced parent, never wanted to “share” my children. I wanted my life to continue as it had been. I wanted my kids’ lives to continue without more disruption than absolutely necessary.

And — full disclosure — I’ll admit that I thought I was the better parent. I knew the boys’ father would continue to be a necessary part of their lives, but in my mind, at that time, he was a necessary but unpleasant obstacle. At times, I wished he’d go away all together.

That was more than five years ago. Since then, our boys have begun their trips through puberty. Since then, I’ve learned more about the role of fathers and the importance of males to adolescent male development. I’ve seen my sons’ need for their father and my point of view has changed. My boys’ dad is not an unpleasant obstacle; he’s an integral part of their lives. My boys are doing well today in large part because their dad is an active part of their lives.

Our was not an amicable divorce. We were upset with one another and we had some pretty serious disagreements about what was in the best interests of our children. There were times — plenty of times! — I wished I had sole legal custody so I could do what was “best” for our children.

I’ve come to realize, though, that it’s best for kids to spend plenty of time with both mom and dad. It’s best if both parents are very involved in day-to-day parenting, and it’s best to put the needs of the kids ahead of the parents’ needs or desires.

I thank the Wisconsin court system for presuming that shared parenting is in the best interest of children, because without that presumption, I’m pretty sure I would have happily assumed the larger portion of parenting and relegated the boys’ dad to a lesser role. And that, I now know, would have been bad for my boys, bad for their dad and bad for me.

Yet shared parenting post-divorce is not the norm in most states.

Here’s what I think: Emotional and physical violence should always been taken seriously, and measures should be put in place to protect children and ex-spouses from violence, threats and intimidation. Everyone who works in the family court system should be required to learn about domestic violence, and should have to document their understanding of the issue. Children should not have to spend time with abusive parents, and ex-spouses should not be required to work with an abusive ex.

Shared parenting bills for equal parenting give judges and families plenty of leeway to create parenting plans that are sensitive to families’ needs. No one is suggesting that children be sent to live with an abuser; the bills contain clauses to restrict parents’ involvement in case of domestic violence, incarceration or even “a pattern of willfully creating conflict.”

Bills now make it easier for children of divorced parents to have access to both parents — something that’s been shown, over and over again, to be good for kids and good for society.

The truth is that divorcing parents don’t always make decisions according to their kids’ best interest. Anger and jealousy and fear often cloud their thinking and color their decisions. In my case, it was the court’s insistence on shared parenting that led to the co-parenting arrangement we have today, and I am so, so glad.

Excerpt from:

#456, Role of Fathers

CO$T of Family Court


Financial cost, in some cases is high!  Some parents have sold their homes, depleted their life savings, and 401k plans for the opportunity to go to court to have a relationship with their child. How much money and time are spent in Family Court?  Equal Shared Parenting and the presumption of 50/50 custody could be a game-changer in Family Court.  

A survey designed for parents with custody matters, either currently or previously, assesses the parental financial experience in family court.

Link to survey:



I order that the judge child gavel TPKF m


Time TO Put Kids First FB page:

#352, The CO$T of Family Court 

Reunited with Adult Children


This father shares his experience with divorce and family court.  Destroyed emotionally, professionally, and spiritually he has been stripped of the dignity of being a parent, a professional, and a member of society.  Supporting documentation and the sense of responsibility he demonstrates are unnoticed. The presumption of 50-50 custody is needed. False allegations present problems for one parent with long-term consequences.  

Here is a survey for parents to take to assess the parental financial experience in family court.

Survey is for all parents who currently are, or previously have been to court for child custody matters.

Link to survey:

One father’s experience:

I was married for several years. She had children and we had children together.

I came home from a biz trip. My ex was high and attacked me. This was not the first time she got violent with me. She told the police I was the aggressor, of course they believed her, so I ended up in jail.

It didn’t matter that I have statements from private care-givers and teachers, or a GAL report suggesting that mother should have supervised visits.

She is better at lying then I am at telling the truth-which makes it virtually impossible for me to get full custody of my kids. Unless, of course, I spend more money that I do not have (anymore). She has alienated my step children from me-kids who I loved as if they were my own for years.

So many family vacations,& father/son type trips and now I have zero contact with them. I was forced to pay her Atty, my Atty, GAL. I pay thousands of dollars each month in alimony, CS, and half of all child related expenses. I pay all medical, dental and summer camps. I am asked (extorted) to pay for other random expenses. God help me if I don’t.

My children are told not to listen to me, that I am a bad man, a loser, I do illegal things, I’m dumb, stupid, effin crazy, that I’m gay etc etc.

My kids are told I don’t want to see them when they are with her, or that I am keeping them from there mom when she decides to “allow” me to keep the kids for the summer. She never contacts the kids when with me and blocks me from contacting my kids when they are with her.

My kids are not allowed to tell daddy anything that goes on at mommy’s house. My kids are not allowed to call me, she even told the school not to call me.

I am now known as the wife abusing, drug addicted dead beat husband which has me so comfortable living in the community and my children’s teachers have started to ignore me and/or my requests.

I was accomplished and just started to reap some of the rewards for my many years of very hard work, all of which I had done before getting married.

Before marriage I had my pictures in major newspapers. Now, since that fateful day my mug-shot is online for anyone to see.

During my time with my ex I paid either to her, or for her, over a million dollars.   I have lost my savings.   What’s worse is that I am without the drive I once had. I suffer, I have an amputated spirit and my character has been assassinated.

How does one recover after losing awesome step-children and 1 of my own children? She even tried to take the dog.

Seeing my children slowly turn against me is extremely painful. Watching my children lie to my face is like a dagger thru the heart. I struggle daily at the thought of having to live in this tangled web of BS lies & deceit as I trudge my way thru the family court system as a single dad, which, is biased against fathers to say the least. It’s a nightmare of such epic proportions and way beyond my comprehension. It keeps me in such a deep depression that it’s hard to breath. I can go five days without even getting out of bed. My children have but one childhood and theirs is a crappy one.

Wish I knew what I did to deserve this.

#341, Reunited with Adult Children


Would you like to have a voice in the Family Court system? We want to know more about your child custody/child support issues.

Link to survey:

Impact of False Facts

One father shares his experience due to false accusations in his custody matter. The long-term impact of the emotional and financial devastation permeates all aspects of life.  Relationships with family, friends, and co-workers are forever altered due to the lies about them. Some individuals may never know the truth.  Parent-child relationships may never fully recover. Children may live their lives with false facts told about a parent they adore, cherish and love.  


Looking back over the past 3 years I can see that I was in a deep state of depression.  I  was ashamed because of the lies and accusations made by my ex.  I was ashamed because I was unable to protect my children from my wife who had ‘mental health problems.

I was falsely accused and labeled as an abuser.  I lost my job.  I had to move into my parents home.  I was labeled as a trouble maker in my county’s courthouse. The self-help division of family court even refused to help me.  The pain and shame I experienced will NEVER leave me.

I am unable to hold my head up high.  I can not live a normal life because of what my ex did.

The pain and shame will stay with me forever!


#340, Impact of False Facts




Game Changer


This parent shares the heartache of her divorce.  She recognizes her daughter has been impacted emotionally. Sometimes, in custody matters, the needs of the child may need extra attention.   For this family, the sense of security of their daughter is threatened. The divorce has changed the outcome of what may have been for their daughter.

Divorce is a game changer.  After battling in family court for over 12 years  I can say that this has changed my daughter.  There is a big wall around her.  She is guarded and has never returned to the innocent, happy go-lucky child she was before the divorce. Everyday I struggle to understand her.  I know that she struggles each day as well.  Trying to make sense of what happened to her happy family and her sense of safety.


#283, Game Changer

A Plea for Help


An 11-year-old is able to summarize what many courts have not. Thankfully, this judge was astute enough to see this child’s plea for help! Truly, a case of the parents putting their anger and hatred before the needs of the child.  


She has witnessed countless bitter rows between her warring parents, including an incident at her primary school assembly that led to police being called. Her mother, a health worker, admits she has an alcohol abuse problem and her behaviour towards her former husband and his new wife has been ”appalling”.

Her parents can barely speak to each other. Tempers flared when her father took her on an overseas trip without telling her mother.

But when she wrote a school project about a child trapped in a vicious custody battle, a Family Court judge heard a cry for help.

”This has got to stop,” the 11-year-old known as ”T” wrote in a childish cursive script. ”Not in a few years. Not when people can finally be [bothered] to do it. It needs to be done NOW!”

In four sentences, the student traced the despair of thousands of children dragged into messy familial dramas in the courts – and their struggle to be heard above the fray.

”The heading of the writing … said that in the Family Court, children should have a say,” Justice Paul Cronin said in a judgment published last week.

”She said the court got to choose the residence of a child or what the child did, and she rhetorically asked whether that was fair. She said that children should have a day to go into the court and speak up.

”In a pointed remark, the child wrote that adults buy and build houses and children should at least get an opportunity to decide where they lived and with whom they wanted to live.”

Since 2006, the Family Court has been required to take into account any views expressed by the child when making parenting orders. In the vast majority of cases, their views are filtered through a lawyer, psychologist or a family consultant, who is an officer of the court.

T’s writing project, in a school exercise book, was brought to the court’s attention by one of the psychologists who gave evidence. The child, he said, had been living in a ”tragic split world” since her parents separated when she was five. She was ”the linchpin through which parental conflict was channelled”. The law says the Family Court’s ”paramount consideration” when making parenting orders is the interests of the child.

But for children such as T, who was assigned an independent lawyer by Legal Aid, court disputes over where they will live, and how, seem focused squarely on the parents.

Justice Cronin noted that much of the evidence in this case was about her mother and father, ”even though they may not have seen it that way”.

He said T’s mother was ”disarmingly candid” about her drinking problem but had produced records that it was under control. If she was unable to curb the problem, he said, ”the Sword of Damocles may now be sitting there” and T’s father would be ”well within his rights” to argue he could not have a relationship with his daughter while she was part of her mother’s world.

In a second piece of writing, T wrote about a family ”falling apart” and a father who was ”mean to her mother”.

”It has all of the remarkable hallmarks of the child referring to her own family situation,” Justice Cronin said.

”It oozes with particularity in her stream of consciousness. In a bizarre ending, the mother is stabbed. The child returns home to find her mother covered in ‘bright red blood’. It is a cry for help.”

The judge made parenting orders running to 27 paragraphs, including that neither parent should contact the other, outside of emergencies, until they had agreed in writing that they could be civil about their daughter. ”Unfortunately their focus has been on each other rather than on the child,” he wrote. ”It is time to stop for the child’s sake.”


Sydney Morning Herald.  Childs school project becomes a plea to the family court.

#270, A Plea for Help


Devastation of Divorce


One parent (father), shares thoughts on missing his daughter. As in many cases, the separation of parent and child is often due to rulings of the Family Court system.



I am so broken. I just want to hold my baby girl again.

Tell her I Love her. Tell her I never abandoned her.

How can the courts do this to our children?



#248, Devastation of Divorce

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