~Reality of Divorce

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Kids Lose Out

Perfectly said!  If one parent is trying to win over the child-then NO one is winning.  The child loses out.

Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!

LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!   

When one parent wins site i

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Supporters of Iowa Shared Parenting, https://www.facebook.com/IowaParents/?fref=ts

# 334, Kids Lose Out

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Sadness of the American Family

A very revealing pic of divorce!  The Dopamine Clinic shown TWO times! Dad is on the phone-is he working or ignoring his family?  Is that REALLY the quintessential message of the American father?  Mom is interacting with the child, smiling.  Child looks out with no smile-representing???? The two green creatures with arms crossed in the upper left corner are curious.   On the left side, upside down is a piece of pleading paper (used in legal proceedings…  upside down may represent how divorce turns lives upside down?  The overall fragmentation and collage of pics and jewelry-the brooch.  

The ever-present, shattered glass! 

“This image was created by the artist to depict the inevitable sadness that accompanies the splintering of the modern family in American life.”

Artwork Sadness of the Amer F m

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Divorce Proceedings by Dele Akerajah

#299, Sadness of the American Family

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War

A descriptive analogy of divorce!  Exposing a child to parental conflict is like engaging in a tug-of-war of words and actions.   No one benefits when communication requires a referee to the games that parents play.  Be mindful that Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!

War mom and dad m

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#298, War

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My Imaginary Family

Artist adds a sibling for company!  She shares who the imaginary family members are and states: ” …And at the bottom, my twin brother and me! o/But…my actual family is like…Me and mom…because pets are just pets and my dad don’t live in this city anymore (yep my parents divorced looong time ago~)

Deviant Art so alone this_is_my__imaginay__family__by_maggie_and_day-d5qjnuy

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Deviant Art.  This is my 9imaginay) (sic) family! by Maggie-and-Day.

Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/This-is-my-imaginay-family-346918282

#280, My Imaginary Family

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Leaping Sheep

A creative expression of divorce from one artist.  This seems to be a collage of emotions showing many unique themes.  

The girl peering out from behind a wall.   She has one eye.  Does this represent something she has seen and does not want to see again?  Or does this mean that no one is really looking at her? 

There is the year 09?  A year of significance for her? The year her parents’ divorced?’

The words ‘ok’ so may signify the question of what will happen next?

The black creature wearing a cowboy hat is somewhat curious.  

The sheep leaping over the fence may indicate something with sleeping?  

The black V sideways indicates anxiety.

Deviant Art Sheep dlchild_of_divorce_by_doctorballs

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Deviant Art, Child of Divorce by DoctorBalls.

Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/CHILD-OF-DIVORCE-30732023

#279, Leaping Sheep

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Something is Missing

Children need to know their parents’ love is unconditional and impenetrable, even and especially in the face of something as potentially devastating as divorce.  One parent should not be airbrushed out of the child’s life for ease and convenience or worse yet, revenge.Children need BOTH parents! 

Fathers justice dad missing

Pic from Fathers Justice

#360, Something is Missing

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Family Drama

A pic showing a family divided.  Mom comforting a young one.  Dad in the background with a sad look on his face.  He is holding the had of a child.  Of concern, is the angle.  Dad seems to be trying to stand on a hill (?).  There seems to be a reflection of water or ice-indicating he is slipping.  A very dramatic show of divorce and family drama.  

Art Family Drama m

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Miki De Goodaboom, Family Drama

#256, Family Drama

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Broken Home

A rather dramatic piece.  Child is at the father’s feet,  Mother in the distance.  The ominous being holding a weapon of some sort keeping guard.  By the title, there is family discord.  I hope they can work things out and stay together!

Art Family Broken m

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Sandy Rubini, Broken Home

# 253, Broken Home

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Don’t Know

A unique perception of divorce!  Showing the present and the past.  An outline of the parents upside down in red below the child’s lookout.  Several outlines of the parents in this piece perhaps representing the many thoughts.  The X seems to be over a female figure(?).  The lost look on the child’s face.  Holding on to what is in front of them looking out into the vast openness of a happier time.  

Art past and present m

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Ana Maria Edulescu, Don’t Know

#252, Don’t Know

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Why Did You Leave Me?

A common theme in divorce the child wishing the reuniting of their parents.  This artwork shows that this wishing continues into adulthood.   The impact of divorce continues on.  For some adult children of divorce, their live is forever tainted.  

“I went to one of my dad’s parties, and I saw him kissing a woman.

Ah, the joys of having your parents be divorced.

Basically, anyway, I freaked out and started sobbing and wishing that my parents would get back together, even though they divorced when I was four.”

Deviant art why did you leave me i_miss_my_family_by_iwish909

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Deviant Art, I Miss My Family by iWish909

#342, Why Did You Leave Me?

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Faceless

An adult child of divorce shares their inner insecurities.  One of the most devastating aspects of divorces is the impact on the child.  Emotional insecurity is a common issue.  This artist captures her emotions beautifully.

“~What you never see~”
“One of my photos that means more than my life.
I am actually not over the divorce from my parents. It is about 6 years ago but I still remember the worst time.
I hide my feelings under a mask, I hide it under lies, under fake smiles and unreal happiness.”

Deviant art Faceless what_you_never_see_by_iamno_scientist

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#338, Faceless

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Scary Parents

This pic captures the essence of divorce for the child!  Yelling.  Finger pointing.  Parents appear as creatures rather than humans.   Interestingly, the parents seem to appear as shadows, perhaps a way to demonstrate how the parents are overpowering the child’s emotional state. The line down the middle is somewhat curious.  The line is off center to the walls of the room and lead directly to the child.  A scary picture at best.

Deviant Art my_big_happy_family_xp_by_danniphantom95

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Deviant Art

#355, Scary Parents

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D-I-V-O-R-C-E

This individual takes a different approach in writing about divorce.  Counting the number of letters and using the dictionary to write a poem about describing divorce.  An interesting way to express yourself. 

Divorce. A two-syllable word… Seven letters that, arranged any differently, could mean nothing. But this word? Oh man, does it mean something. It’s separation… perversion, pain, anxiety, hatred, darkness, confusion… It’s so many bad things in one. Four of the letters in “divorce” can spell out void.

Void. One syllable. Four letters… Four innocent letters that, when combined, strike terror into hearts and minds.

Terror. Two syllables. Six letters. Another word for horror.

Horror. Also two syllables. Also six letters. A synonym for terror. Both are terrible. Both confuse whoever is feeling it.

Confusion. Three syllables. Nine letters. Confusion… Such a well-known word in our society. Everyone lives in confusion.

Everyone. Three syllables. Eight letters… Pertains to every living human, animal, and creature  on this Earth. Pertains to everyone… Where am I in that?

Lost. One syllable… Four letters. Being in a foreign region, without hope.

Hope. One syllable. Four letters. An element that my life has none of. Hopeless means nothing to dream of or live for.

Nothing. Two syllables. Seven letters. Nothing is the opposite of everything. Everything brings us back to everyone. Everyone excludes me. I am hopeless. I am lost. I am confused. I am horrified, terrified. Slipping into the void. Which brings us back to this…

[Whispered] My parents are divorcing.

Divorce, by Crimson Creek

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#337, D-I-V-O-R-C-E

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Cut Here

This artist shares the heartache of divorce in “In the Event of Divorce Cut Here.”

(Words in the lower left corner read the title,  “In the Event of Divorce Cut Here”)

Divorce art child balloon cut here m

“In the Event of Divorce Cut Here”  artwork created by BANKSY (B.1975)

christies.com/in the event of divorce

Artwork listed:  Sale 2357 Lot 333 Post-War and Contemporary Afternoon Session.  11 November 2010.  New York, Rockefeller Plaza.  Estimate $20,000-$30,000.

#67.  “Cut Here”

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Maman et Papa

This drawing is one artists’ view of divorce and is called “reflection of divorce.”  Note, the words are in French; This speaks to the global issues of custody and the turmoil of divorce for the child.

Divorce art french what to do m

Giorgio Ceccarelli, La MOSTRA dei QUADRI di Roberto Gallo, 2-27-2015 on Facebook page Festa del Papa.

https://www.facebook.com/giorgio.ceccarelli1?fref=ts&ref=br_tf

#84, Maman et Papa

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Parent and Child

One artist’s depiction of divorce showing a sketch of a parent and child.  There seems to be distance as they are not holding hands.  Looks like the child is reaching out to their parent.

Artwork p and c phone case m

 

This artwork is made into a variety of items including a phone case.  Which is somewhat disturbing as there is no head on the parent.  Very curious.

Art work phone case p c on case m final

Tom Gowanlock.  Bury St Edmunds, United Kingdom.

#249, Parent and Child

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My Parents’ Divorce

One parent uses his parents divorce as a motivator to be a strong  husband and father.  Everyone has their motivators!  He was able to put his life together following the devastation of parental divorce.

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My parents got divorced as I was entering high school. I generally say it hit my younger brother the hardest. I think that’s just because his reaction was more outward. My dad is on wife #3. Hopefully, she’s the final one.

My mom didn’t remarry. She viewed it as her keeping her vow, since my dad wasn’t dead. Thankfully, she found comfort in Jesus and didn’t bring another man into the home.

I became a statistic on many levels…heavy drug use and recklessness. Finally, after a trip to rock bottom, I found myself back in school and working overtime to prove that I wasn’t a failure. I’m married now with a family of my own, and I work and stress myself out trying not being the father and husband my dad was. Sometimes, the stress can get overwhelming, but if I can just do these 2 things right, I will look back on my life and smile.

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Marriage-ecosystem:

Link: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/trying-to-outrun-the-curse.html

#244, My Parents’ Divorce

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Just Another Broken Home

One picture is worth a thousand words!

Deviant Art Divorce for Fathers

Devant Art.   Just Another Broken Home by the silver-fox

Link to artwork:http://www.deviantart.com/art/Just-another-broken-home-92328186

#243,  Just Another Broken Home

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The Fight

An artist shares their thoughts on divorce: 

“I really hate it when people get married and have a child or two then get divorced.  I wish parents could just put up with each other for the sake of their kid. I even hate children and I feel bad for the kid.”

Deviant art fox fighting

Deviant Art.  The Fight by ReflectionsofRhythm.

Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/The-Fight-184119132

#238, The Fight

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No Winners in Divorce

Here is the reality of divorce!  An adult child shares the real tragedy of divorce and explains how there are no winners in divorce.

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For as long as I can remember my goal in life was to find a good husband and have kids and a happy family. I used to tell people as long as I had a happy family, I’d live anywhere even in a tent. It’s never been about money, or career, or pretty, materialistic things. And most children of divorce that I know feel exactly the same. We were broken by the loss of a true family, and no money can ever fill that void. For the child, divorce is an endless competition to please both parents.  But the truth, is that no one ever really wins in divorce.

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#218, No Winners in Divorce

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Split

An extremely emotional representation of divorce.  Coming to terms with the property settlement in divorce is difficult.  Deciding custody arrangements and the impact on the child can be horrendous.

Shared Parenting!!!!!  

Because Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!

LOVE WINS!!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!  

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Split house m

#193, Split

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Fragile Agony

The children of DIVORCE!  A very revealing photo:

Big eyes with dark and a steady stream of tears.   

The forlorn look on this young ladies face.

The black and white photo with a red rose.

Deviant art dl fragile_agony_by_nannn

Deviant Art, Fragile Agony by nannn.

Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Fragile-Agony-117083382

#185, Fragile Agony

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Please Stop Yelling

No child should have to see their parents fight.

Artist shares a descriptive poem about divorce:

Momma please stop cryin, I can’t stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin’ me down
I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn’t mean those nasty things you
said

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you’ll see
I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done
my family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
leave

Daddy please stop yellin, I can’t stand the sound

Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says
its true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love
you, too.

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don’t wanna go back to that place, but don’t have
no choice, no way
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I’ve seen
I don’t want love to destroy me like it did my
family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
leave

In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend, let’s act like it comes
naturally
I don’t wanna have to split the holidays
I don’t want two addresses
I don’t want a step-brother anyways
And I don’t want my mom to have to change her
last name

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let’s go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend, act like it goes naturally.

Deviant art please stopsp__please_stop_yelling_by_eranthyaenoire

“Family Portrait” by P!nk

Deviant Art, Please Stop Yelling by EranthyaeNoire.

Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/SP-Please-Stop-Yelling-115179009

# 183, Please Stop Yelling

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What Divorce Does!

This graphic piece of art is the work of an adult  child of divorce!  The flames consume the page.  The eyes at the forefront are so sad. The presentation of the child seems to have a demonic quality.  If you look closely you can see another set of eyes in the flame.  Divorce damages the perception of family for some people.  VERY ALARMING!!!! (No pun intended.)  This is a horribly graphic depiction of divorce!

Fire what divorce does dlchildren_of_divorce_by_jrhorsehead

Deviant Art, Children of Divorce.

Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/CHILDREN-OF-DIVORCE-40104348

#260, What Divorce Does!

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Turned Out All Right?

One mother shares the reality of divorce for her and her family.

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My mom denies how painful the divorce was for my brothers and I. Once we grew up, she openly mocked the statistics demonstrating poorer outcomes for children whose parents divorced, because we didn’t suffer any of the social pathologies to which we were statistically more susceptible:

  • none of us ended up in jail
  • all of us graduated from high school
  • all of us went to college (two of us finished and even went to grad school: one became a lawyer, one became a veterinarian; the third stopped college but joined the Navy and became a nuclear technician on a fast-attack submarine)
  • none of us developed a problem with drugs or alcohol

Now that we’ve all “turned out all right,” my mom continues to mock the above statistics, but what she cannot detect because it cannot be measured is the emotional pain, the psychological upheaval, and the gap in our upbringing and personal development due to the absence of our father.

There is one other “social pathology” to which children of divorce are more susceptible—one that my mom conveniently ignores: it is much more likely that our own marriages will end in divorce.

Mine already has. I’m in an interesting cohort: the first generation of kids affected by the new “no-fault” divorce laws. (My parents divorced in 1975, when I was 9). My children are in another interesting cohort: the kids of the kids of the first no-fault divorces.

I have looked at divorce “from both sides now,” and no matter how you look at it, it stinks. As I was descending the steps of the courthouse after my divorce (I was the respondent, my husband was the petitioner), my attorney, wet-behind-the-ears and unwise, said, “Congratulations. He’s out of your life forever.” I just shook my head and said to him, “If only that were true.” Earlier in the divorce proceedings, an older attorney at the firm had spoken more wisely: “In a way, divorce is almost worse than death, because the relationship ends badly and then you still have to deal with the person as an adversary, at least until all the children grow up. And even then, sometimes the conflict doesn’t end.”

That is my experience exactly. People get divorced because they think it will solve all their problems. In reality, all it does is exchange one terrible set of problems for a completely different but equally terrible set of problems. What a sad inheritance to pass on to one’s children. I’m 46 years old, my kids are 21, 20, and 16, and we’re all still feeling it.

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Shared on marriage-ecosystem.org by CTW.

Link to this story:  http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/turned-out-all-right.html

 # 177, Turned Out All Right?

 

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Let’s Fall in Love

DIVORCE!   Children learn about relationships by watching their parents.  Divorce takes a toll on your child’s perspective on how to interact in relationships.  This discloses the true impact of divorce!  On future generations!

Lets fall in love m

Link to pic: http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/a9/03/59/a903595b202a3568571de4cba20a2daf.jpg

# 165,  Let’s Fall in Love

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Exposed

An extremely revealing depiction of divorce.  What stands out the most is the the vulnerability of the chid-naked in the middle on the floor under a spot light.  Parents throwing their wedding rings at the child demonstrating a total lack of regard for the child.  Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!

The artist comments: “I drew this picture to get over the divorce of my parents. It didn’t happen a very long time ago, and it’s really hard to get used to it. But enough of sadness, hope you like this little drawing of mine”. 

Deviant art exposed i6-06 at 11.04.13 AM

Deviant Art, Divorce by brekluci

Link to artwork:  http://www.deviantart.com/art/Divorce-262878213

#157, Exposed

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The Custody Battle/Separation

Insightful description of divorce from the child’s perspective.  

The artist describes his work:    Every child of divorced parents will relate to this…. 
S/he is made of 50% of mum & 50% of dad….Essentially, children need both parents; it is vital for their psychological development. Each time parents fight for their child, it tears them apart. Likewise when they fight for anything else…

Alex Thomas The Custody Battle m

Art by Alex Thomas
Link to site of Alex Thomas: www.artbyalexthomas.com
The Custody Battle / Separation

Permission to use The Custody Battle/Separation, Art by Alex granted by Alex ThomasModay, June 1, 2015, 1:37 p.m. to use.

#152, The Custody Battle/Separation

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Picture of Divorce

One picture speaks a thousand words!  Which words are best?

Which aspect of this pic stand out more?  

The word Divorce in red letters?  

The very thick notebook indicating the divorce has been in process for a while? 

In an office setting-an attorney office perhaps? 

The split family? 

The divided house?  

The lack of walk-way to each parents’ side of the house?  

Or, the thunderstorm with a bolt of lightning?  

dreamstime_s_44069199

# 147, Picture of Divorce

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Grieving Heart

This child seems quite distressed, lost and forlorn.  Child is holding heart close to her with tears in her eyes.  Both parents are packed and walking away from her.  A very sad picture of divorce.  

dreamstime_s_23113483

#129, Grieving Heart

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“let’s illegalize divorce”

The artist describes the reason for creating this stamp to illegalize  divorce.

Deviant art illegalize divorce stamp larger m

“If they want to protect marriage, what they should do is ban divorce. Make marriage like the mafia: once you’re in, you’re in. I mean, the murder rate would go up, but you know, hey…”

– Wanda Sykes

.It has recently come to my attention that the sanctity of marriage is being violated by the horrendous practice known as “divorce”, so I created this stamp to show that I do not support said horrendous practice and wish for it to be banned as soon as possible.

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As shared on Deviant Art, “Stamp-Ilegalize Divorce”, by Emiliers.

Note: comments by artist are provided in part.  To read her commentary in full go to ‘link to artwork’.

Note:  pic was enlarged to enhance viewing and to better see the details of this creative art piece.

Link to artwork:

http://www.deviantart.com/art/Stamp-Illegalize-Divorce-158456993

#128, “let’s illegalize divorce”

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Just a Puppet

This artists creates an excellent portrayal of divorce and depicts the child as a puppet!

Note that each parent has a string to control the child’s mind, and body parts.  What seems to stand out the most is the demeanor of the child.  He seems lost, expressionless and is slumped over.  This may be interpreted as no ego, no personality, no positive sense of self.  Which is understandable-if you are controlled by the two people you are to trust the most. 

These parents do not seem to be interested in the wants, needs or desires of the child.  In fact, could one be so presumptuous to think that the parents are more concerned about the child they can control and manipulate than THE CHILD! This picture is very revealing of the impact of parental conflict in divorce on the child!  

Divorce is between the parents and ABOUT THE CHILD!!!!!

LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!!

 

Deviant art puppet m

As shared on Deviant Art, “Divorce”, by AnitaSR.

Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Divorce-206785571

#127, Just a Puppet

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Split In His Heart

This artist creates a collage to represent feelings of divorce for her male subject.  

The artist states:  My feelings on divorce. A collage made digitally, with paper, paint, and thread. Mom and dad are forever split in his heart. Choose a side.

This art piece contains many emotional elements of divorce.  The page is split down the center and slightly deviates at the bottom right.  

The tears are prominent.  Large tear on the left has more dimension and is bigger than the tears on the right side.

A picture of parents sitting together (holding hands?) in the center of her mind outlined with a white background that looks torn or departed from the mind.

A heart on the heart is  very sad given the rest of the art piece.  

The thread leading from the emotional heart seems to drift and morphs into a person (herself?) that is detached?

An excellent portrayal of how divorce impacts the mind of the child.  Totally split in his heart!  Pick a side!

Heart-wrenching to see this depiction of divorce!

Deviant art spit heart m

Deviant Art, Divorce by TheIncredibleSarah.
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Link to picture: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Divorce-89092705
#126, Split In His Heart

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Souls of Divorce

This artist shares a photo of a house that “resembles our souls”.  The artist comments “I wonder if this house ever shared a warm smile or a friendly gesture.  The outer layer makes it seem bitter.  The colors make it seem unhappy but within every house once was a home.”

This presents the query of how a happy home can become unhappy.

Excellent question!  One would wonder if there really is a valid answer to this query?

Deviant art house photo Child_of_Divorce_by_Kaylaisonfire

 

Deviant Art, Child of Divorce by Kaylaisonfire

Link: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Child-of-Divorce-164086912

#95, Souls of Divorce (DL)

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Through the Child’s Eyes

A very talented artist created this drawing.  One artist describes this as “beautiful and sad at the same time, but I love the message it gets across. How a child will draw their family, rip it apart, and then try to tape it back together again.”

“My parents are not divorced, but I know lots of people whose parents are divorced, and I always wondered what a child would think if their parents fought or lived separately.”

A heartfelt description of divorce from the child’s perspective.

Art through_the_child__s_eyes_by_akaneryu-d3d87mx

Deviant Art, Through the Child’s Eyes by Akaneryu

Link: http://akaneryu.deviantart.com/art/Through-the-Child-s-Eyes-203616681

#94, Through the Child’s Eyes (DL)

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Tears of Divorce

A self portrait of a child of divorce.  This seems to show the emotional component of divorce that undoubtedly, many can relate to.  One pic speaks a thousand words!

Tears_Of_Divorce_by_happiestEMO

Deviant Art, Tears of Divorce, by happiestEMO http://www.deviantart.com/art/Tears-Of-Divorce-119260248

#91, Tears of Divorce

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Emotional Memory

This artwork titled, Even a Child, seems to evoke strong emotional memories for this artist.  The parents are fighting, ignoring the child and the child is trying to hide from the unwanted noise. Note that the plant is knocked over. The shadows and muted colors reveal the ominous situation for this child.  A sad depiction of divorce for one artist!

divorce art c under tableeven_a_child_by_jen_jen_rose-d3i2ywa

Deviant Art, Even a Child by Jen-Jen-Rose

http://www.deviantart.com/art/Even-a-child-211770154

#90, Even a Child

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Legacy of Anger

This pic shows how the anger is passed on to each family member. This child is ‘acting’ toward his stuffed toy as he has been shown, with anger.

Everyone experiences anger in response to frustrating situation, and in most cases the anger is short-lived. No one is born with an anger problem. Anger and aggressive response styles are learned behaviors. Understandably, some people learn to demonstrate anger in childhood by copying the behaviors of angry people in their family of origin. If a child is raised in a home where one parent constantly criticizes and belittles the other, the child learns to criticize and belittle their self, and often recreates this behavior when they enter into relationships.   Sadly, the criticism and belittling is just ‘acting normally’ (meaning normal for their family of origin).  This continues the cycle of behavior.

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Pic from post on FB page for Dr Kaylene Henderson- Child Psychiatrist, Feb 26, 2015.

Post link:  https://www.facebook.com/drkaylenehenderson/photos/pb.340509142667649.-2207520000.1427041318./865966270121931/?type=3&theater

FB page link: https://www.facebook.com/drkaylenehenderson

#86, Legacy of Anger

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Why I Hate Divorce

The journey of divorce changes everyone and everything.  The most compelling comment in this writing is by far “I hate to see kids worry about their parents when they should be  developing childhood stories and memories.”  This is the  sadness of divorce! The child, oftentimes, is nudged in the direction of dealing with the adult issues of divorce.

once heard Darren Hardy of Success magazine speak. He said, “that in order to find your message, you need to know what you hate.”

I hate, really deeply and to my core hate to see real men of integrity go through the journey of divorce and behave badly, in a way not consistent with their character.

I hate the way the people around us behave as we take the journey of divorce. I hate the rumors. I hate the taking sides and slanderous talk. I hate the bad advice. I hate the way kids are damaged. I hate the way kids are used as pawns. I hate the way kids are used as property. I hate to see kids worry about their parents when they should be developing childhood stories and memories.

I hate the typical legal battles that are all about winning in terms of assets and property. I hate it when successful guys fight over something like paying for private school, or college,or clothes, or whatever. If they planned on paying before divorce, why would they not pay after divorce?

I hate to see real men demasculinized by the process and by the humbling nature of something that seems like such a failure. It is the “what’s wrong with me” syndrome.

I hate to see real men looking and feeling lost.

I hate the way men that truly love women start hating women. I hate it when love is transformed into hate.

I hate the question, “so why did you get divorced?” as if there was a simple answer. The answer goes very deep into our being, and is only superficially explained with one of the so-called “top ten reasons for divorce”

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Meeting in The Middle

One mom shares her story about meeting in the middle for the sake of her son.

My ex-husband and I had little love for each other in our last months of marriage, both of us wounded, both of us in tears, both of us heartbroken. If there weren’t a child, we’d have put each other away like an old rag, either tossed in the garbage, shoved way back in a cupboard, or maybe burned to a crisp. It could have ended with us destroying each other out of spite. But there was a child. Jake. And we couldn’t ruin him with bitterness.

Yet how do two people who have no need for each other raise a son? I had no idea. When my lawyer recommended that we see a co-parenting counselor, a type of therapist I’d never heard of, I did what I always do when I need perspective: I called my mother.

“You’re divorcing him for a reason, Hayley,” my mother said. “You’re not supposed to get along with your ex-husband, otherwise you’d still be together.”

“But I want to be friends with him, like you and Dad are,” I said.

“It took years for your father and me, you know that,” she said. “So don’t create a fantasy about my relationship with your father.”

She was right. My parents’ split was messy. As much as my mother attempted to shield me from a lot of the hurt,  they still fought, and like many couples, they made their share of mistakes. It took ten years, but eventually, my parents managed to share low-calorie cranberry sauce on Thanksgiving and brisket on Passover.

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Split in Half

This artist recreated an existing photo and is about divorce splitting families in half.

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Innocence

One artist shares her depiction of divorce.  Note how the hands appear aggressive and pulling in different directions.  This art piece reveals the innocence within the midst of divorce. 

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Separate Directions

An adults’ heart wrenching depiction of divorce from the child’s perspective.  Notice the parents moving in separate directions.  Note the trash bin with the heart, photo album and teddy bear.

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Trying to Live in Two Homes

One adult child of divorce shares feelings on divorce and spending childhood trying to live in two homes.

As a kid I always had two birthday parties. For most, this may sound really great but it wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. My parent’s are divorced. I spent my childhood going back and forth between homes. My life was not my own. My parent’s “agreement” dictated where I would go for which holiday and for how long.

The truth is that I never really felt that I belonged in either home after my parents remarried.

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Torn Apart

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Family Torn Apart

This artist used a camera to “represent divorce in the way of a family being torn apart, literally.”

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Fifteen Years Later

An adult child of divorce shares how her family changed with divorce.

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