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The Truth Hurts

One father shares thoughts on the emotional struggles at becoming a father.  Changing, struggling, and evolving are part of becoming a parent.  He acknowledges a key component in divorce-parents putting their needs and wants before the needs and desires of their children.  

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The truth hurts, the truth that in my early stages of being a dad, I struggled. I fell into depression and lost my way. Everything that was so simple became so difficult, I couldn’t get to grasp of my own life. My family broke down due to the miscommunication with my then partner. When you feel lost as a first time father, your whole world becomes dark. Emotions always run high when you break up with someone you care about, it was difficult. This was two years ago now and it been a tough testing time developing as man and daddy. I try hard to get the right balance, which means sometimes I must compromise or even put my pride aside and submit. I have to be honest to you viewers on why parents fail. Parents fail because they put their own desire ahead of what’s important. We’re so self conscience about what others think we loose ourselves. Males are out trying to conquer as many women as possible as if it a good thing ( I’ve been there). Females are so occupied in being more glamorous than the other, where do you draw the line. I had to ask myself a question, do I love my son enough to man up and be different? Do I want to follow the crowd like I was and be another number? Most importantly, don’t make changes for others but do it for yourself. I post negatives posts and they thrive, why? I post positive post and they struggle. How people love to hate one another like its a good thing. I simply ask where has the love gone in the world?

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By Fathers that Care.   https://www.facebook.com/Father.that.care?fref=ts

#302, The Truth Hurts

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Ashamed

One father shares the humiliation he experienced due to false accusations by his ex.  This is the reality for many fathers (and some mothers).  Fathers’ lives are RUINED because of  the lies and games played and the lack of support within the Family Court  system.  

This speaks to the need for Family Court reform.  

Looking back over the past 3 years I can see that I was in a deep state of depression.  I  was ashamed because of the lies and accusations made by my ex.  I was ashamed because I was unable to protect my children from my wife who had ‘mental health problems.

I was falsely accused and labeled as an abuser.  I lost my job.  I had to move into my parents home.  I was labeled as a trouble maker in my county’s courthouse. The self-help division of family court even refused to help me.  The pain and shame I experienced will NEVER leave me.

I am unable to hold my head up high.  I can not live a normal life because of what my ex did.

The pain and shame will stay with me forever!

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#340, Ashamed

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Working Together

Co-parenting together in the same home while divorced.  Understandably, this may not be an option for all families!

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Divorce was a really rough time in my life. That was 4 years ago and we decided to still live together and raise our children together. We share our home in every way except that we have separate bedrooms. We have become good friends and I think we set a good example to our children that we can forgive the past and move on in an amicable manner. Our kids see us communicate nicely and work together. For now, this works for us.

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#136, Working Together

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Happily Ever After?

A divorced parent shares the disappointment of divorce.

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When I was young I could not wait to marry!  As an adult when we married I thought marriage would be forever……

Now, I guess forever came sooner than expected.

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#227, Happily Ever After

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Death Over Divorce

A horrible thought for anyone.  An especially terrible situation for someone who is just trying to be a parent to their child.  

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“I think death would be easier than divorce.”

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#154, Death Over Divorce

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Self Portrait of Divorce

Horrific awakening!

All parents fight in front of their children.  To say my divorce was less than ideal is an understatement!  After we decided to divorce, I admit that we fought in front of our children.  We didn’t just fight in our two children’s presence.  We fought VERY badly.  I never realized how terribly we talked to each other until one day.  On a beautiful peaceful afternoon, our youngest was playing with her dolls in her room and when all of a sudden I heard her screaming.  At the top of her lungs.!  In the few seconds that it took as I rushed to her room, I tried to figure out who she was talking to because we were in the house alone.  The words she was saying were terrible. Very terrible!  All of  a sudden it hit me!  Like a ton of bricks!  Like I had been sucker punched in the stomach!  The words she was saying were the words my ex and I exchanged the night before.   My heart stopped!   My dear sweet absolute angel daughter was talking like the devil. She was just repeating the words she had overheard when me and my ex were fighting.

I realized then that things need to change.  That I need to change.

God is good!  There came a window of opportunity and I was able to have a heart to heart talk with my ex.  He agreed that we could not have our 4 year-old fighting like someone who is possessed by the devil.  Even though we are unable to live together, one thing is true.  We love our children!  A lot!

Things are still not perfect with my ex.  We still disagree. But….we have agreed to disagree.  Miracle of miracles, we have been able to have a friendly relationship.  For four years now.  Our children come first.

That event-hearing my daughter speak like the devil himself changed my life.  I will NEVER feel like that again.

#145,  No More Fighting

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Message from a Non-Custodial Mother

One mother shares how being the non-custodial parent is best for her and her daughters.  Despite the harsh words and criticism from family and friends she expresses contentment with her choice.

As a non-custodial mother I do not have physical custody of my two children. In fact, my kids live on the other side of the nation with their father.

This arrangement was not my first choice.  My divorce was high conflict and was inflicting intense emotional pain on my girls.  I believed that the only option was to remove myself from the situation-even at the sacrifice of my relationship with my sweet girls.

Not everyone understands.  There seems to be this stigma attached when a mother does not have custody of her children.  There is a double standard.  Men without custody are not ostracized by friends and family.  In fact, men receive empathy, support, and sympathy.  I lost friends!  I was ridiculed!  Several relatives still keep their distance from me.

I am connected with my girls. We use skype IM, FB, texting and talk on the phone.  We have a close relationship.  In my heart I believe I am a good mother and feel that this is best for my family.

.#73,  Message from a Non-Custodial Mother

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Family Destroyed by Divorce

One father shares the devastation of divorce to his family.

I was devastated emotionally when my wife said she wanted a divorce. I was married for over 20 years. I was committee to her forever! Divorce is a terrible thing. I did not care about the financial aspect. Our kids have been hurt and are still struggling with the aftermath.  It has been 8 years and they are still having problems! The real disaster is the destruction to my family.

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A Parent’s Love

One parent expresses endless love  for her children.

My sons ! I have never stopped loving you and never will .
You are both the loves of my life. My angels !

Mom xo

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Divorce Ruined My Life

One parent shares how their family changed with divorce. 

My dreams for my family died with the divorce.  The home that was filled with great memories, birthday parties, holidays, our future as a family and growing old together are all gone. Our kids act like they are doing ok.   But our family is broken.  The foundation was ripped out from underneath them.  Divorce ruined my life and destroyed my family.

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Broken Heart

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Single Mother

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Still in love with my ex

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Steal photos from Facebook

Moms & dads against parental alienation facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MomsAndDadsAgainstParentalAlienation

PostSecret: Postsecret.com

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Prefer my ex’s family

I can’t stand my ex.  But I really like his family.  Whenever there is a family function I hope he doesn’t show up so I can spend time talking with his parent’s and sisters without having to see him.

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Like father like son

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Love/Hate

 

I HATE my ex!

I LOVE my son!

 I worry that my son will turn out just like his father.

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My Fair Share

I wanted to divorce my husband. He was involved in a lawsuit and was receiving a settlement of $500,000.   After the paperwork was completed for the lawsuit I filed for divorce. I was entitled to half of all assets acquired during the marriage-why would I not take the money. Cha-ching!!!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

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Ex pays legal fees

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Wanted son to stay home with me…

I totally took advantage of my ex. On the Friday morning of his weekend, I called and lied to him saying our son had the flu really bad.   My ex can’t take it when someone is sick and I knew that my ex would not want to deal with a sick child and my little boy could stay home with me.

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Civic duty

My wife and I were separated and she was going out with someone who I did NOT want around my children. I suspected he was involved in drugs.   I called an anonymous tip-line and reported him. He must have been involved in something because he was arrested and ended up in jail for several months because of a preexisting warrant. My wife and I have since reunited and she has no idea I turned him in and….never will.

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Cell phone patrol

We had a rule in our home that cell phones are off limits during homework time. Cell phones were placed on the kitchen counter to charge. I confess that I put the phones on silent mode while they were studying to avoid them hearing the phone ring and risk them talking with their father. Before study time was up and they came to retrieve their phone, I took the phones off silent mode.  I feel bad now-but at the time I could justify it.

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Telephone Regrets

My confession is that I took our home phone off the hook during the week to prevent my ex from talking to our children. This was before answering machines and cell phones. My children have no idea that their father probably did try to call them and that I am the reason they did not talk to him.  My ex has passed and I deeply regret what I did.   I am too humiliated to tell my adult children the truth.

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Disheartened-20 years later

My confession is that I stayed away from my son because dealing with my ex was torturous. When I called the home phone-this is before everyone had a cell phone-she answered-every time! She made rude and condescending comments to me.   Each call turned into an argument. To make matters worse she said our son was not home regardless of when I called.

After a few months I called less and less because talking to my ex was that disheartening.   I now regret not calling my son more or staying in contact with him. My son lost out. Now, calling his cell phone would solve the problem but the divorce occurred 20 years ago.   I have a good relationship with my son now but I know he suffered while he was in high school.  This haunts me EVERY day.  I wonder how things would have been had I stayed in his life.

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Ex’s Calls Kept From Son

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