~Parental Alienation

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Sticks and Stones

A disturbing pic with a powerful message!

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones by H. J. Warren

“Sticks and stones may break my bones

But words could never hurt me.”

And this I knew was surely true

And Truth could not desert me.

But now I know it is not so.

I’ve changed the latter part;

For sticks and stones may break the bones

But words can break the heart.

Sticks and stones may break the bones

But leave the spirit whole,

But simple words can break the heart

Or silence crush the soul.”

Sticks n stones m

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#301, Sticks and Stones

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PAS is Like…

Perfectly said!   If one parent is trying to win then that means everyone is losing out.   NO ONE WINS in PAS!   The one who misses out the most is the CHILD! 

Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!

LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!!

PAS is like divorce mag final m

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The Divorce Magazine

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheDivorceMagazine/?fref=ts

#342, PAS is Like…

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Lost Heart

One parent’s rendition of how PAS really feels!  A clear portrayal of how a parent feels when they are unable to participate in their child’s life. Empty inside.  Heart is missing.  Carrying a bag of emotional heartache perhaps?  Interestingly, the missing part is  heart shaped.  Symbolizing  that a parents LOVE never goes away! 

What fathers feel like fathers rights m

Fathers’ Rights Movement FB page: www.facebook.com/Fathers4kids/

#328, Lost Heart

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Evil

Here is the heart wrenching truth for too many parents!  There is nothing worse than a child being withheld from another parent in the name of “LOVE”.  One parent who has seemingly experienced the evils of PAS have captured this sentiment perfectly!

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“I used to think I knew what evil was.  And, then my child was taken from me, by someone who supposedly ‘loves’ them.

There is no darker evil than that, and there is no greater threat to our human existence than our own bitterness bringing us to destroy those who we supposedly ‘love’.”

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#322, Evil

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A Survivor of Alienation

An important point to make about PAS is that the child figures out what ‘really happened’.  This may occur during childhood while in the throes of PAS.  Or, as an adult child of divorce.  Either way, the realization that one parent has made efforts to keep them from their other parent, is devastating.  Often, as research is showing, the child of divorce stops having a relationship with the parent that went to such great lengths to keep them to themselves.  Time To Put Kids First (TPKF) has illustrated this point beautifully!  

TPKF offers a lot of rich information for parents who have been touched by PAS!

Links to site and this post are below.

I am surviver of Aienation m

Time To Put Kids First (TPKF)

Link to their FB page: https://www.facebook.com/timetoputkidsfirst?fref=ts

Link to post: https://www.facebook.com/timetoputkidsfirst/photos/a.621096854661485.1073741828.620742498030254/715458311892005/?type=1&theater

#312, A Survivor of Alienation

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A Case of PAS

A heart-wrenching depiction of PAS!  Mother and child walking across dad with no concern for his emotional state or existence.  A key component of PAS is that the child alienates the parent they once had a loving and kind relationship with.  Sadly, this is the reality for too many parents.  

PAS m and c walking on dad m

Shared on FB Fathers Have Rights Two

Link: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Fathers-Have-Rights-Two/206730129391195

#307, A Case of PAS

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Alienated Child

One pic is worth a thousand words!

An unfortunate depiction of divorce!  This iconic family drawing reveals a blatant hole!  A place where the child should be.  Do parents  wonder how their actions impact the family?  Are they aware that making efforts to keep one child from their other parent hurts a lot of people?  

Clearly, Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!  

LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!

ALienated child m

April25.org

#303, Alienated child

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Revelations of Divorce

This adult child of divorce shares their story on PAS.  Learning the truth about a parents’ tactics to deter the relationship from one parent will not last forever.  The truth will come to light.  Not working together as parents is not in the best interest of the child.  

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For several years, Mel persisted in trying to make contact with Ned. He wrote letters, sent gifts, tried to phone, but Marla foiled every one of his efforts. During this time, Ned struggled through high school and took a job as a delivery boy on the streets of Manchester.

Ned’s visit to his father

Shortly after Ned’s eighteenth birthday, the boy phoned Mel and asked if he could visit him in Arizona. He wanted to check out the monster his mother had described to him. Mel was elated at the prospect of seeing his son and not surprised at the negative image Marla had painted. Perhaps the visit would dispel some of Ned’s suspicions. But to Mel’s great disappointment, their time together was a disaster. They “just didn’t click.” Ned was wary and reticent. Father and son could not seem to find any common ground. There was only one topic that interested Ned: the divorce and its aftermath. He asked countless questions about why, when, and how his parents had quarreled, and why Mel had never tried to contact him during all those years. Mel explained that he had written, he had sent gifts, and most important, he had contributed to Ned’s support. These revelations baffled Ned, since they contradicted everything his mother had told him. Put off balance, he became more morose and confused. Now he felt compelled to “choose” between one parent and the other, unsure of whom to believe or trust. It became clear to Mel that a true reconciliation could not occur at this time. After waiting so many years, it seemed that he would never have a genuine role in his son’s life.

Comments:

The impact of a contentious divorce often ignites many “brushfires” in the extended family. It creates hostilities that spread to other relationships and spawn additional cutoffs. In Mel’s family, the divorce resulted in estrangement, not only from his son, but between Ned and the older generation, depriving Mel’s parents of the role of grandparent. Because of the bitter antagonism between Mel and Marla, Ned grew up without a father. They connected only after he reached adulthood. In many divorced families, there are complex patterns of separation and re-alignment, interspersed with repeated accusations and retaliations. Mel’s story was played out over a period of more than thirty years. It took a long time for the bonding between father and son to develop. We cannot know if Marla has resolved her anger and moved on to build a new life. We do know that in many families in which a divorce has occurred, no complete healing or repair is possible. For Mel and Ned, there is the gratification of knowing that a prolonged separation has been transformed into a meaningful, harmonious relationship.

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Read full story of Divorce and the ripple effect: http://fragmentedfamilies.com/stories.html

#271, Revelations of Divorce

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Victims of PAS

The reality of PAS if the impact on the child!  How true these statements are.  Shared Parenting is for the child!  Parents have an obligation to see that their child have what they need in life in order to develop into a happy and healthy individual.  Shared Parenting offers the child the best of both worlds…..which is both parents!

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PAS is now quite common.  Numerous support forums have been established because of PAS.  PAS is real!  There are thousands of heart-wrenching calls and letters from parents whose children have been taught to fear or hate them. Both mothers and fathers can be perpetrators of Parental Alienation, but the true victims are always the children.  Please don’t make your child a victim of PAS.  Parent your child.  Share Parenting with your ex.  Think to put the child first.  PAS means you are putting the hatred you have for your ex BEFORE the Love you have for your child!.  Love your child MORE than you hate your ex.

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# 255, Victims of PAS

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Soul Eater

A startling picture of divorce for one individual! The mother asked the daughter to lie to her dad.  Several things stand out in this pic:  the single green eye-eye of envy.  The child is sobbing and crying-a sad situation for any child.  While yes, the mother is comforting the child; note that the mother is named ‘Soul Eater’. 

With PAS, if one parent is trying to ‘WIN, then the child is losing at some level!  A very emotional depiction of divorce.

Deviant art soul eater m

Deviant Art, “it’s ok to cry Sky…..by Skylar8493

Link to artwork and background story of artwork:

http://www.deviantart.com/art/It-s-ok-to-cry-Sky-546843065

#246, Soul Eater

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A Father’s Heartache

One father shares the heartache of not seeing his son in 5 years!  The tragedy of PAS is that the years are gone.  The time for father-son talks, to share events at school, and sport activities are done.  There is no way to capture the time back.  NO ONE wins with PAS!  A short term “win” will eventually be discovered.  The truth will come out; however, until that point, the years are gone. 

Richie

The length of time, the separation, not hearing his voice, not knowing where he lives, does he think of me at all, if so than what does he think of me…… the list goes on……..

5 years is a long time and counting.

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The Fathers Rights Movement/2-16-15

#221, A Father’s Heartache 

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Heartbreak!

Words of emotional heartbreak!

It hurts when you i

#209, Heartbreak

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This is PAS

PAS is a nightmare for the child!!!!!

A message to parents: “Ask your friends to join us. Help us educate the world so we can end this form of emotional and psychological abuse on our children.”

Your mommy doesnt m

Shared on FB Parental Alienation World Wide Support Group, Keith Marsolek, on June 18, 2015.

Link to post: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10153408156933210&set=a.439025173209.225272.563493209&type=1&theater

Link to FB page: https://www.facebook.com/keith.marsolek?fref=nf

# 192, This is PAS

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Missing Father

An unfortunate story of divorce.  Sometimes, things just can not be fixed.

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I was fairly young when my parents divorced, six. It was rough on my brother and I. My dad kidnapped me and brought me to court. He asked me to lie about my mother in hope that he would attain custody, that did not happen.

My parents fought a lot and I even witnessed arguments between my mother and his girlfriends. At one point a shoe was thrown between the two.

My dad did come to my elementary school graduation, but not much else. He was not there when I graduated high schools and He did not give me away when I got married, my brother did. The tension became worse when he showed up to my brothers wedding and wanted to act like we were one big happy family. There has always been tension in my life and when I started to date, I had a huge mistrust for men.

Several years ago, my mother passed away and I had to contact him and let him know. This is the first time I had spoken to him in many years. Soon after he sent a friend request to me on Facebook and I accepted only after several private messages were sent between the two of us. I needed to let him know how much he hurt me, by missing out on the formulative years of my life.

We speak now, but I still keep him at arm length and know that he may have contributed to my DNA, but he has never truly been a Father to me.

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Shared on Marriage-ecosystem by Shannon.

Link to story: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/missing-father-missing-time.html

 

#189, Missing Father

 

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Heart Led Astray

One mother shares the heartache of experiencing PAS with her husband’s co-parent and how she found peace in her heart and her story of learning to forgive.  

The next two years became an uphill battle for us.  Having to watch everything we did because every couple of months she would get upset about something and cut all contact off for a month at a time. Eventually increasing to two months, and finally two full years.

After these family meetings we would soak up every minute with our daughter. Even if we had to deal with random drop ins after her boyfriend got home from work. He missed the baby all day. He wants to spend an hour with her. Then we’d get a phone call that typically came at the end of that hour explaining how she fell asleep or wasn’t feeling good. Our visit was over. We learned to treasure each moment with her.

We caught one last glimpse of what we had left on our visit home for Christmas.   Eleven solid months in, of us finally getting along. The first and last “family” Christmas we had together.  After the New Year she pulled away from us. Her boyfriend erasing us from their life.  Erasing the memory of us from our daughter.  Pulling both of them into a life of drugs and solitude.   Changing phone numbers and moving to keep us away.  Hiding our little girl’s face anytime they’d run into our friends and family.  Keeping to themselves.

Despite seeing the hurt all over his face when we finally reunite with our little girl and we hear her say “I already have a daddy.”

My heart sees beyond the anger, betrayal, and alienation it has faced. To the heart of someone who was led astray.

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Parental Alienation is Real

The trickery of parental alienation will be revealed.  Nothing can remain a secret forever!  This is especially true with PAS.

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They DO KNOW…… Don’t fool yourself by thinking their just kids and they’ll never know. They see EVERYTHING!  They KNOW what you did. They know you lied….. about…… EVERYTHING!

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#171, Parental Alienation is Real

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Real Parents

Real parents vs. parents who engage in tactics of parental alienation.

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REAL PARENTS don’t keep their children from the other parent “Parental Alienation is about parents who place their own selfish needs above those of their defenseless children and in doing so, they deny them their right to love and be loved by both parents.” ~ Dr. Reena Sommer

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#169, Real Parents

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Emotional Support

Emotional support offered.   A parent who has experienced the pain and heartache of PAS gives insightful backing to another parent in the throes of PAS.

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I just wanted to post on your wall, and hope that your friends and everybody else see’s this. Parental alienation is a serious matter, it’s so unfortunate that so many fathers (mothers) have to be alienated from their children, and speaking from experience (being an alienated child) I know the pain, and the severity of the situation. It is unjust, and cruel, and no one should have to live without their parent/child because of someone else who is selfish by nature, and feels the need to subjugate their children because of their own negative emotions, that they cannot separate from the situation, and see just how vast the damage is, that is being done. Not only does the alienated parent have to get up everyday without their child, children are also suffering, and we all know the facts about what happens when a child feels as though one parent doesn’t want them (which sadly happens a lot of times because they cannot fathom why their father isn’t in their lives, especially young ones who cannot see the truth)

Though, I want every single father (or mother) to know who is reading this, who has a child that is separated from them. No matter what kind of hostility that is being instilled in their minds, no matter how they even react to a situation, their hearts beat a different tune. They may be influenced vastly by the parent that is alienating them, but their hearts speak a different story – they still love you, they still care, and because of the harrowing situation they don’;t understand. They are being manipulated and despite what their minds are telling them, what they are being taught – they can never eradicate the love they have in their hearts for you. Speaking from experience, they miss you, they love you, and they are being taught to hate, to be hostile – this is not who they are deep down. No matter what, don’t stop fighting, because there are happy endings. You cannot manipulate somebody forever, eventually they will see the truth, and it will come back and bite the one who did the wrong.

#162,  Emotional Support

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Left Out

Parental Alienation Syndrome takes place in many forms.  Keeping your child from talking to your co-parent when they call is PAS.  How frustrating for this parent, in this case, dad, who is unable to talk to his daughter.  Meanwhile, this girl is under the impression that her dad does not want to talk to her.  

Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!

LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!

I have called every day m

 

Shared on Supporters of Shared Parenting Headquarters, April 8, 2015.

Link to FB page:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Supporters-Of-Shared-Parenting-Headquarters/659255667507027?fref=ts

#149, Left Out

  

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Even After the Divorce

Amazing concept!  

This campaign was created in 2010 in Warsaw,  Poland.  What a creative way to reach parents.   

Campaign info:

A social campaign ‘Even after the divorce I need you both’  began 1thJanuary in Multikino and Silver Screen cinemas. It has been initiatedby Fundacja Akcja and is carried out by Platige Image studio.

The main character of the commercial prepared by Rafał Wojtunik is asmall boy missing his absent father. This image is supposed tosensitize parents undergoing a marital crisis to the fact that in suchdifficult times their child needs both of them. The campaign is part ofthe foundation’s actions aiming at popularizing sharing childcare afterthe divorce.

As part of the campaign, the spot will be shown regularly (9 000 times) from 1 January until 18 February in cinemas.

Even after the divorce m

Producer: Platige Image; Marta Staniszewska, Marcin Kobylecki
Executive Producer: Tomasz Baginski

Director: Rafal Wojtunik

Story: Krzysztof Slazinski, Robert Kucharski
Music: Marcin Przybylowicz
Sound mix: Genetix Studio

3d Team:
animatik & animation: Andrzej Zawada
secondary animation: Daria Zawada

concept art: Rafal Wojtunik
models: Rafal Kidzinski
textures: Pawel Lewandowski, Michal Gryn
rendering, composition and concept art: Rafal Wojtunik
poster artwork: Jakub Jablonski, Rafal Wojtunik

Link to project in Warsaw, Poland.

https://www.behance.net/gallery/394866/Social-campaign-Even-after-the-divorce-I-need-you

#148, Even After the Divorce

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Excellent Question!

If a child had two parents before the divorce, a child should have full access to both parents after the divorce…….

Divorce is between the parents and ABOUT THE CHILD!!!!!

LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!  

How would you like it m

As shared on Facebook page for Supporters of Shared Parenting Headquarters, April 21.

Link to FB page for Supporters of Shared Parenting Headquarters: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Supporters-Of-Shared-Parenting-Headquarters/659255667507027?fref=ts

#132, Excellent Questions!

 

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Manipulated

One adult child of divorce shares thoughts on discovering how the saddest time of his life was when he was in the throes of PAS by mom.

Alienating parents be fore warned!  The child you are manipulating today against your co-parent will most likely discover the deeds of your actions.  Typically, one cannot manipulate and control one individual forever!  There will be no escape.  The damage will be done!

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When I “hated” my dad, it was the most unhappy time of my life. I didn’t connect why until later when I figured out that I was manipulated to hate my dad.

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As shared on The Father’s Rights Movement, May 25, 2015, 2:04 p.m.

Link to The Father’s Rights Movement FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Fathers4kids?fref=ts

#131, Manipulated

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Overcoming PAS

Response to “Keep Fighting”, previous post.

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Amen! I was an alienated child as well… I grew to understand what was going on and my heart did beat a different tune, anytime my mom pounded it into me that my dad was a horrible person. Him and I are the closest we’ve been and he’s a GREAT man and father!

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As shared on The Fathers Rights Movement, 5-26-15.  Response to “Keep Fighting”, previous post.

#125, Overcoming PAS

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Keep Fighting

A message of encouragement to parents in the midst of PAS.

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Amber Dawn

I just wanted to post on your wall, and hope that your friends and everybody else see’s this. Parental alienation is a serious matter, it’s so unfortunate that so many fathers have to be alienated from their children, and speaking from experience (being an alienated child) I know the pain, and the severity of the situation. It is unjust, and cruel, and no one should have to live without their parent/child because of someone else who is selfish by nature, and feels the need to subjugate their children because of their own negative emotions, that they cannot separate from the situation, and see just how vast the damage is, that is being done. Not only does the alienated parent have to get up everyday without their child, children are also suffering, and we all know the facts about what happens when a child feels as though one parent doesn’t want them (which sadly happens a lot of times because they cannot fathom why their father isn’t in their lives, especially young ones who cannot see the truth).

Though, I want every single father to know who is reading this, who has a child that is separated from them. No matter what kind of hostility that is being instilled in their minds, no matter how they even react to a situation, their hearts beat a different tune. They may be influenced vastly by the parent that is alienating them, but their hearts speak a different story – they still love you, they still care, and because of the harrowing situation they don’;t understand. They are being manipulated and despite what their minds are telling them, what they are being taught – they can never eradicate the love they have in their hearts for you. Speaking from experience, they miss you, they love you, and they are being taught to hate, to be hostile – this is not who they are deep down. No matter what, don’t stop fighting, because there are happy endings. You cannot manipulate somebody forever, eventually they will see the truth, and it will come back and bite the one doing the manipulation. Just know that love is the strongest bond there is, and no amount of alienation is going to destroy it. Even if their love is intangible and hard to detect or reach, it is there. Never stop fighting, and never stop believing that in each and every one of your children’s hearts, you are there.

I am so sorry to each and every one of you going through this situation. I wish you all the very best, and just know, keep fighting.

“Keep fighting – even if it breaks your heart.”

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.As shared on The Fathers Rights Movement, May 26, 2015.

Link to FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Fathers4kids?fref=nf

#124, Keep Fighting

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Experience with PAS

An adult child of divorce talks about his pain and suffering when he was abducted by his mother.  He uses his experience to advocate for stricter laws to prevent other children from the horrors he suffered. 

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A Rochester man who suffered through parental abduction as a child was in Albany on Tuesday to fight for tougher laws that will prevent other children going through a similar trauma.

Scott Berne is pushing for tougher legislation against parental abductions.

“My mother did not serve one day of jail time for kidnapping me,” Berne said. “Thirty years ago, it’s the same law.  It’s a slap on the wrist.”

“This is an issue with enormous long term consequences for children,” said Assemblywoman Shelley Mayer, D-Yonkers.

Berne joined and state Sen. Patty Ritchie, co-sponsors of the Custodial Interference/Recovery of Missing Children Act.

“It really changes the dynamic pretty dramatically, and it puts us in a better position to protect kids when those laws are enhanced,” said Ed Suk, National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

According to the Justice Department, 200,000 children are abducted by their parents each year in the U.S., but in New York state, it’s just a misdemeanor.

“During those two years, we changed names constantly, didn’t go to school, had no friends, faced constant abuse from her,” Berne said.

Berne hopes his story can help change that.

“Hearing other cases is very frustrating.  Here we are 31 years later and the laws in New York State are not strong enough to keep kids safe,” Berne said.

In the early 1980s, Berne’s story made national headlines. Today, Scott works in real estate in Rochester. He’s also a strong advocate for children’s rights.

“The idea they can take their child, leave the state, the country and put their child at risk is unacceptable.”

Berne has been here before to testify on the subject.  He and lawmakers are again making a push.

“It is humbling. Gratitude, absolute gratitude that I survived and now I can use them here 31 years later in keeping kids safe, so other children don’t have to go through what I experienced.”

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Rochester NY, TWC News, by Seth Voorhees, May 19, 2015

Link with video: http://www.twcnews.com/nys/rochester/news/2015/05/19/parental-abduction-laws-.html fb_action_ids=1598196503766586&fb_action_types=og.shares

#118, Experience with PAS

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The Toll of PAS

One of the most difficult aspects of PAS is the impact on your child!  How would things be different if there was no divorce?  How easy things would be if both parents would communicate respectfully?  How much better the child would do if both parents were to truly do “what is in the best interest of the child.”

This parent articulates the frightful power of PAS.

Being separated from your c p

 

SPAN Stop Parental Alienation Now,

#116, The Toll of PAS

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The Pain of PAS

The effects of PAS are felt every single second!  Of every single hour!   Of every single day!  There is no escape from the emotional turmoil!  The wretched toll on the soul permeates every aspect of the parents life.

This father perfectly expresses the profound impact of PAS on the alienated parent. 

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I don’t dream peacefully during this turmoil time.

I don’t smile gracefully, suit these tensed moments.

I feel no warmth when the sunlight touches my brow.

I want peace, because I’ve had a lifetime of war.

I want cuddles and kisses, tantrums and tears.

I want to pack lunch boxes and to do school runs.

When you know what’s best for your child and your being stopped, due to ones gain.

I know you look on this page often.

You are not welcome!

Fathers That Care, March 28, 2015

#115, The Pain of PAS

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No Winners in Estrangement

Faun shares the importance of parents and how making peace with your parents is making peace with yourself.  Thank you Faun for sharing this beautiful story!  

Regardless of the details of my story I am here to tell you that there are no winners in estrangement. As justified as you may believe that you are in estranging from your parents, it is not healthy. It is not normal. It is not an act of love. If anything it is an act of intolerance.

The saddest thing for you is that if you have children, no matter their ages and or how close you may be at this time, by virtue of the fact that you have chosen this, you have now modeled behavior for your own children. They are very likely to dismiss you from their lives the same way they have witnessed you do it to your mother and/or father. Believe it. Case studies support this.

What you are in essence modeling for your own children is that 1) parents aren’t important and can be easily erased from your life 2) disrespect 3) silent treatment 4) judgment 5) lack of tolerance and lack of forgiveness. What you are losing is your roots, your family history and heritage. If you are a biological child you miss out on your family health history. Your children are missing out on knowing their family and their grandparents. Lost years can never be made up.

I believe that most all parents love their children. Maybe it isn’t perfect but they aren’t perfect and neither are you. No one is perfect.

Like many of you I have other relationships that I created through the years, I have “other mothers” and “other children” that I have loved and have loved me too. They have helped me to heal and to fill many of the voids. But the reality is that no one can take the place of our birth parents. That history cannot be re-written. And our children come from us. They are a part of our being and our souls and our hearts are forever connected.

Do you need to be “right?” or do you need “peace?” Loving ourselves allows us to love others, loving our parents is an extension of self-love because whether you like it or not, that is where you come from.

No one said that you have to see them every day, no one said you have to speak with them every day but having peace with your parents is what you do for yourself. Remember one day your child will grow up and they too will judge you. Could you measure up to the same yardstick you have chosen to use to measure mom or dad? Would you want your grown adult child treating you the same way that you have chosen to treat your parents?

It’s not over until we take our last breathe. Making peace with your parents is making peace with yourself. Forgiveness is the gift that you give to yourself!

Make 2015 the year of love and of forgiveness and watch how much better your life becomes when you aren’t holding onto anger or ill will toward others.  Bernadette Moyers

Story shared by Faun Witten on FaceBook, 2-16-15

FB https://www.facebook.com/lsfaun.witt?fref=ts

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Who Wins in Alienation?

This mother shares the reality of divorce in that the child has TWO parents.  She outlines the devastation of alienation on the the child’s development and offers advice for parents going through a divorce!

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Children deserve the love and support of both parents.What I find quite funny as a parent (mother) who works with her ex to make sure that her child is loved, supported and so that my child never knows the feeling of not having both of us around, is this……..

Most alienators I know, go for the throat. They want pay back, control, they want to bleed the other parent financially dry. They don’t want the other parent to have a voice, to have any time with their child/children and they make it their goal to belittle, bad-mouth and tear down the character of the alienated parent.

So let me ask this, if I was bitter at my ex, if I wanted to prove a point, if I wanted to raise our child by myself and not let my ex have any relationship at all with ‘our’ child, why on earth would I try so hard to keep the ex in my life? Why on earth would I want his money? Why on earth would I constantly go him for financial help or go after property, material things and the constant battle of court?

Doesn’t make sense.

If an alienator was really smart, firstly they wouldn’t do what they do on a daily basis that constantly hurts many, and they certainly wouldn’t cry poor or accept any help from an ex they hate or feel is unfit right? The constant belittling, the constant using their children as weapons, unhealthy right? The one thing constant in their lives is their hate of themselves and their continued support in hating the ex (the alienated) How on earth does this make sense?

Alienators are WEAK – Period.

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#113, Who Wins in Alienation?

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From An Alienated Daughter

This story illuminates the impact of PAS on the child and offers hope to the alienated parent.

Here is the experience shared from an adult child of PAS:

As an alienated daughter I want you to know how much your children love you and have to do the things they do for self preservation. My father passed away last year and I am so grateful for the time we had when we finally reunited. You should know that your children have no idea how to make it right, most of them have no idea what is happening to them and if there was a bond formed then that bond is NEVER broken. It does not matter how toxic and abusive their other parent may be, they will never be able to take away the bond. It is there between you and your child forever. Take a moment and visualize your child then visualize the golden cord of love from your heart connecting into theirs. Visualize you pumping that love from your heart into theirs every day. I do this when my girls are with their dad and it gives me peace and they often say, “I can feel you in my heart when we are apart.” Visualize wrapping your children in a big bubble of unconditional love.

When my father and I reunited at first and for many years we had a terrible time. We were both hurt and angry, confused and often overwhelmed. We blamed and tried to explain and it was a mess. It was not until I had experienced my own divorce and my mother aligning with my ex to try to do the same thing to me, did I start to realize what had happened and then when I met a man who had been fully alienated from his child, that I fully understood what had happened with my father. It was only then that I was able to move to a place of compassion and the resurfacing of our bond. I had to take responsibility for my behavior (That is never easy for anyone) and more importantly my father had to take responsibility for his. It was funny we switched from needing answers from each other to being in a place of just love and acceptance. This is a powerful transition that was challenging but once there was freeing.

I wished that the awareness about alienation was around when I was younger, and I also wish that there were people out there to help. All the therapist were so unqualified to help and had no idea how to help. It is because of my experience of being raised my a toxic mother and being alienated from my father, that I do the work I do today at the Conscious Co-Parenting Institute. Having solved the problem in my own family and preventing the alienation from taking hold of my two children, I wanted to help others do the same. I feel like it is the clearing of the negative energy from my own behaviors as an alienated child. Never give up and do everything you an to stay connected as much a possible even if it is only energetically. I remember one Christmas my mother was on a rant about how horrible my father was and how we were not going to have a Christmas because my father never paid child support and on and on she went. I remember feel horrible and angry at my dad, and then the doorbell rang and it was my father and my grandparents. My dad had made my sister and I bunk beds and my brother a bike. I was so surprised and excited. I will never forget the look on my mothers face. She had to let them in and my dad put our bunk beds together, this was the first night I got to sleep in a bed alone. I was so excited. I did not see my dad much after that a for many years I did not see my dad at all. I heard nothing but horrible things about him and yet I never forgot his efforts to stay connected and be in our lives. That Christmas burned a memory in my mind that allowed me to hold onto the truth I knew in my heart, that my dad did in fact love me, despite what my hateful, scary mother said.

I hope you all find comfort in knowing how much your children love you and want to be with you, don’t listen to the mean words they might say, they are only saying and doing what they feel they must to survive. DON’T GIVE UP….THEY LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU TO FIGHT FOR THEM. Much love to all of you during this difficult time of year for alienated parents. Find a way to connect with your children. They need you, they want you and most importantly they love you. May you have peace within you so you can bring peace out into the world.

Story is published as seen on Parental Alienation World Wide Support Group

https://www.facebook.com/groups/PAWWSG/permalink/412060312281508/

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Fathers’ Heartbreak

This father shares the perils of divorce and the influence the co-parent has on his daughter.   He discusses how values and morals impact the co-parent relationship and ultimately, the child.  Sadly, his attempts to maintain a relationship with his daughter have been unsuccessful.

I was informed that my now 18 year old daugher refers to me as a “sperm donor” despite the fact that I was in her life until the age of 9 living with her mother, and for years I continued to try and be in her life, and being a positive influence. Divorce though dredges up a lot of negative feelings and comments that aren’t mutually exclusive to either parent.

That said, many of the comments coming out of her now “adult” mouth are a reflection of her mother’s continued verbal attacks, while my daugher denounces any criticism of her mother. Can you see the hypocrisy? It’s ok for her mother to say whatever she wants about me, but anything remotely critical I may say, even if warranted, is off limits. The implication is, her mother is perfect, beyond reproach as it would seem she is also. It’s that kind of arrogance many of us are fighting as it’s that kind of arrogance that ties into men not being allowed to parent because women are commonly portrayed as the more important parent. 

Problem is, people have different values and morals. When couples divorce, there are going to be fights over moral issues and values as an extension of both people’s moral code. Why the majority of people don’t or can’t acknowledge that reality is astounding to me as a person of reasonable intellect.

Shared on FB The Fathers’ Rights Movement April 15, 2015.

Link to FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Fathers4kids?fref=nf

#99, Fathers’ Heartbreak

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Experience: I was child affected by PAS

This story is disheartening! The sad part is that this is the unfortunate reality for some children.

Here is the experience shared from an adult child of PAS:

The first time I was punished for not showing enough affection for my mother, or showing too much for my father, happened when I was 6. My 4 year old brother and I had left my mom’s house for Saturday visitation with my dad at the usual time of 9:00. Our parents had divorced a year earlier, so the routine of custody exchange had become familiar to us, and except for a handful of times they overtly shouted at one another, we were too young and oblivious to notice a palpable current of hostility between them. On our way out the door, my mom called after us, telling us to have a nice day, or something. I said over my shoulder, “Yeah, bye!”

We got into his car and traveled the 15 minutes to his “new house,” purchased nearby to facilitate the semblance of a shadow of a presence in our lives that the Family Court grudgingly deigned to allow. We had an unremarkable day of watching cartoons, riding bikes, and engaging in the subdued rituals of weekend play in an environment that never quite lost its alien character to us. Our time there took on a forced, artificial property like a visit to an in-law, or a party at your boss’ house with coworkers you’re kind of familiar with on a passing basis. When we came home that evening, it started immediately. Our mother wouldn’t speak to or acknowledge us. When she looked down at us, it was to convey an expression of contempt and disgust before turning away. Coming from someone who routinely proclaimed that she loved us more than anything in the world, and that she was all we had, this experience was terrifying.

“Mommy, what’s wrong? Why won’t you talk to me?” After what seemed an eternity of unbearable silence punctuated only by body language that broadcast hostility so clearly that even a small child could understand it, she finally responded, “Don’t talk to me, talk to your father,” and left the room. In tears, we pursued her, “We’re sorry, mommy! Please don’t be mad!” We tried to hug her and she pushed us away, then said, “You know, maybe you should just live with your father instead of me. I did my best to be a good mother, but you seem to like that better. Let’s pack your stuff and you can move away with him.” She intoned each word with a mixture of feigned resignation and practiced anger. Our entire world seemed to collapse before our eyes. We wailed, we pleaded, we apologized.

Eventually she explained the impetus for the situation. We hadn’t been affectionate enough with her on our way out the door. Her feelings were hurt because we didn’t respond to whatever it was she said as we left. I, in particular, was too cavalier in responding “Yeah, bye!” without telling her that I loved her. She added to the implicit message in her display of vindictiveness an explicit warning that we were not to do that again.

What came later built on that foundation of manipulative extortion, and shattered my relationship with my own father for the next 15 years. The process started in earnest another evening, probably a few months later, when my brother and I came home from another visitation. She told us in a somber, foreboding tone that she had something important to tell us.

She sat on the sofa while we sat on the floor in front of her. She told my brother and I, children of 6 and 4, that our father was going to take away our home. She said he had tricked the court handling the divorce into giving him too much money, and she couldn’t afford to pay him. But our father was a bad guy, and wanted to hurt her, and us. So he got an order from the court that she would have to either pay him the money, or sell our house. She didn’t know where we would go, or what would happen to us.

In reality, my mother and father had bought and paid the mortgage on the house together. When they divorced and my dad moved out, my mom demanded that the Family Court transfer the house to her free and clear of any obligation to my dad – essentially strip him of his equity in the house. He refused to turn over tens of thousands of dollars to her for no reason, and the court ended up giving him an equitable lien on the house in the amount of his contributions to it. The court decided it would be psychologically damaging to my brother and I to lose the house we lived in, so it held off on ordering a partition and sale of the house until we were both 18. But my mom was all too happy to turn that into a story about my dad villainously trying to make us homeless. She was sure to add that the judge had ordered that my brother and I not be told of this, because we were, so we could handle the truth. However, it was very, very, very important that we not let on that she had told us, or she could get in trouble. From then on, it was our secret.

After that day, I hated my dad as intensely any child could hate another human being. I refused to visit with him. When I did go, I refused to interact with him. Then my mom started to encourage my brother and I to misbehave while we were there. We would bring back stories of breaking a storm window on his house with a rock, closing the car door on his leg, and yelling and misbehaving.

These stories were received with as much approval and enthusiasm as the earlier failure to be affectionate with her garnered rage and contempt. She would smile from ear to ear, hug us, tell us how brave we were, and how proud of us she was in “standing up” to him. “Standing up” to a man who barely ever spoke a cross word and never once raised a hand to either of us, even as we devised more and better ways of acting up, antagonizing him, and making the time we spent with him as miserable as possible.

That went on for the next five years. Everything we said about whatever went on during our visits was met with some explanation of why whatever he said or did was wrong, or abusive, or stupid. We were told dozens upon dozens of new stories about him and why our mom had to divorce him to keep him away from us. He was a compulsive gambler. He was violent with her. He was a power-crazed maniac out to control all of our lives. He was a pathological liar. He tried to steal from our maternal grandmother. Don’t believe anything he says. Don’t accept anything he does. He’s trying to keep you away from your real family who love you and miss you very much when you’re gone. Never let him forget you don’t want to be there. To my mom, my brother, and I, he gradually became the living embodiment of all that was evil in our world.

What chance did he ever have when we were submersed in that propaganda campaign 6 days a week? I’ve often thought back and wondered to myself if there was any combination of words or actions that would have reached us then, and honestly the answer is no. No matter what he said, we’d hear for the next week that it was a trick or a lie. No matter what he did, we knew better than to respond favorably, or god forbid – let our mom know we held anything other than unadulterated hatred for the man. She proudly told us, “When he left us, you were babies, but now you’re my soldiers.”

When I was 11, things came to a head. I don’t even remember how or why. I do recall it was nothing extraordinary. Another argument about how we hated it at his place, didn’t want to see him, and if he really cared about us, he’d leave us alone to live at our real house where we liked it. All lines fed to us and rehearsed with mom. How could he expect us to love him if he forced us to be with him? It was an unsolvable dilemma for him that we had talked over countless times before. Previously, he would ask, “Well, what can I do to make your time here better? What is it about spending time with me that you don’t like?” There really was no answer to that question, other than the real truth of what was going on that I’m sure he heard behind the angry denouncements of his children. “It just sucks here! Why do we have to explain anything to you? Can’t you just listen to us and leave us alone?!” And, that last time, he did just that.

He must have known that he was fighting an unwinnable battle for our hearts and minds. Anything he said would be drowned out with more accusations. Anything he did would be lost in a din of insults and demeaning mistreatment, egged on by the only parent we knew for 85% of our lives. All that was left was to do what we asked – to leave us alone. So, one spring day, he finally did.

We returned home like conquering heroes. Our mom squealed with joy and pride like I never heard from her again, even the day I got my college admissions notices. But the torrent of attacks didn’t stop even then. When someone was behaving selfishly, or inconsiderately, they were “acting like him.” When conflicts reached their fever pitch, the old threat still came out, “Maybe I’ll just send you away to live with your father.”

He and I wouldn’t see or speak to one another until I was 22. My paternal grandfather died and I saw him at the funeral. I still believed him to be the monster my mother described, and said little to him then. But in the ensuing years, we saw more of each other, and with the benefit of adult reasoning, I looked back and saw how transparently manipulative it had all been. Given the chance to meaningfully speak in his own defense, my dad explained the issue with the house, and told me about his experiences through the divorce, and the tempest of bitter conflict that followed. We’re doing our best to fill the 20-year hole in our lives left there by the weaponization of children in divorces, and I’m much closer to him now than I am to her.

So. That’s my story. I had meant to post this on Father’s Day, but time got away from me and whatnot. Still, I see threads in this subreddit from divorced fathers expressing grief and frustration over the damage to their relationships with their children caused by vengeful spouses. I hope that the opportunity to look at this from the perspective of a child in these situations might help, and the happy ending to my story might offer hope to you noncustodial dads out there.

So. Ask me (almost) anything. I won’t say anything that might identify me, for reasons that should be pretty clear. But if you want to know what it feels like for a child to be constantly inundated with false accusations, insults, and conditioning to hate and fear the other parent, and what it was like to finally emerge from that cave to see daylight, I’ll add anything that might be useful or hopeful.

Story is published as seen on Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (PAAO) Facebook page,from  www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/

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Missing My Daughter!!

One dad shares the heartache of divorce and how this has impacted the relationship with his daughter.  He offers advice to parents who are talking about divorce.  Sadly, the relationship with his daughter is forever tainted.  

This is a blatant reminder that children need to have a relationship with both parents.  NO ONE comes out ahead when one parent puts obstacles in the way of the parent child relationship.  And, the child misses out-big time!!!!!

I met my daughters mother when I was 19 and on Active duty Army. I was in a rapid deployment unit and thought at times I would be sent to combat. We saw each other when we could and soon she got pregnant. I thought the only honorable thing to do was to go to the justice of the peace and marry her. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I got out of the Army and tried to live as a lot of Americans do, work, school,and provide for my family. It was hard, money was tight. We fought about everything. Soon we realized that we needed help. We went to counseling and prayed together, but we soon realized that we were polar opposites.

One weekend, after I got home from the midnight shift, I was just about to fall asleep, and I heard a knock on the door. It was a process server, who told me to appear in court in two days for a custody hearing. This caught me by surprise, since my daughters mother was suppose to be staying with her mom for the weekend. Well, I went around town to try to find a lawyer on little income, but the more I listened and payed the 50 dollar consultation fee, the more I realized how ignorant I was. I eventually settled to use one lawyer which happen to be my ex’s mom’s boss since she was a paralegal. They talked to my like they really cared, big mistake!
We got the standard divorce, split holidays and weekends. I went to college and worked two jobs. I never missed a child support payment and carried full medical and dental on my daughter. After graduating college, I made more money, and she came at me for an increase in child support. I spent my entire 20’s, getting my daughter every other weekend, since I had to work some weekends.
In 2011, my mom got terminally ill and eventually died from breast cancer. While I was pushing my mom’s hair from her face, as she struggles to talk. She told me to go find happiness. I thought she was right! I reunited with my high school sweet heart and sat my daughter down and told her that I would be moving away, approx. 600miles.

I tried to modify visitation to half the summer. She gave me 3 weeks instead of 2. Anyways, I thought my daughter and I would be close because of technology and that she had flown on several airplanes since I worked for the airlines for 8 years while I was at college.

Unfortunately, My daughter quit coming to see me and now has stop talking to me. She is 16 years old and a teenager. She has no cellphone and I am blocked from calling her home phone. Her mom says that she doesn’t want me in her life because I am to mean.

Well, there is a lot of detail left out with my story, but I would have never predicted that my daughter would avoid me. I think of my self as the fun dad, cool dad. Also I have never missed a child support payment, so why my daughter’s mother hates me is mind boggling.

I have since remarried and so has she, but my first born who is 16 avoids me and if I call her mom’s cell to just ask to speak with my daughter, I get nasty text in return. I am so confused. I thought about taking legal action but what good will it do since my daughter is convinced that I am the bad for her.

I hope anyone who reads this both man and women can take from my story that if and when you get a divorce, please treat each other with respect and don’t use the kids as a tool to get back at the other person. Children really need both parents and parents need that connection too. Hopefully, my daughter will come around, until then I just monitor her Facebook, leave only sweet messages, and pray that she will realize how much I miss her.

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Shared from Children-and-Divorce site by Joe (holly, MI).

Link: http://www.children-and-divorce.com/missing-my-daughter.html

#98, Missing My Daughter!!

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Feuding Parents

One mom shares her experiences with Parental Alienation Syndrome. Taking a graduate course covering the topic of PAS  offered insight that saved the relationship with her children. 

My Experiences with Parental Alienation Syndrome

I still remember standing at the top of a sloping gravel driveway. My sister stood beside me; I was uncertain of the words we were trained to speak. As the black pick-up truck made its final ascent to our front door, I look at my sister. I look at my mother who is wearing an expression on her face, which I now identify as smug. Her eyes prod me and I fear not having the courage to say what I know in my heart is wrong, because the emotions I am feeling are hurt and fear.

As my father pulls his truck to a stop and peers out the window at us, my sister and I say simultaneously, “We don’t want to see you!” My father glares at my mother. He speaks no words. He stares at us. Does he see the fear in our eyes? What is he thinking? Tears well up in his eyes. He backs down the drive-way. I watch until his truck is gone and then I listen until I can hear his engine no more. I cry. I am seven-years-old.

It is May 2011, the month of Mother’s Day. It is the last time I will see my daughters for a while for they are moving with their father to another state—I sent them to him, because he has more money than I do; he can give them a better life. My ex-husband assures me that our pick-up spot is the same time and same place. It is the day of our rendezvous. I call. My ex-husband tells me that my daughters—who are age 7 and 9—do not want to see me. I am speechless with disbelieve. Our mother-daughter relationship is stable. Our visits have been joyful. I find my voice. I don’t believe you. It is your duty as their father to be supportive. How can you allow our children to decide our visitation arrangement? Oh, I see, you talked to your mother and she approved this message. I’m angry. I want to talk to my daughters. Their small voices carry across the air waves to my ear. Their voices communicate fear. I try to keep the steel from my voice. Pack your bags. I am coming to get you. It’s our last weekend together. And then I hear the words just as my sister and I said them so many years before, “We don’t want to see you!” The pain rises with the tears. I force my voice to remain calm. I now know what I have done. I will do no more damage. It’s okay. Mom loves you. Good bye.
I would not talk to my daughters for four months. I decided to stay out of their lives until they were old enough to make the decision to be in my life, until he could not use them as a weapon and damage them further. I don’t know if it was the right decision, but I was poor—as I am now—and I could afford no one to advocate my right in this joint custody arrangement. I had to trust that time would heal the wound. I didn’t know what my ex-husband and his wife said about me during that time of silence. I didn’t know if my daughters would ever want me in their lives again.

The Devastating Effects of Feuding Parents

At the time of this incident, I was studying Parental Alienation Syndrome in a graduate course. I had never heard the term. It was fascinating and terrifying to see the dynamics of my estranged relationships in the text I read. I believe this new knowledge kept me from destroying my relationship with my children. I believe it allowed me to do my part in maintaining their innocence even though there is inevitably a loss of innocence when facing the reality that:

1. Your life will never be the same and…
2. Safety is not guaranteed or given, but a quality to be sought

That is what divorce teaches children. I want you to know that poor parenting hurts children and causes so many mental health issues. Poor parenting is the reason our society has distorted moral values. Please heed what I am telling you. Examine your parenting methods. Research proper parenting techniques. Find your weaknesses. Don’t deny that you have them. Do it for your children. Put your children before yourself…before they grow into a distorted version of who they were meant to be.

To read my chapter on Parental Alienation Syndrome, visit: www.analyticalperspective.wordpress.com

 

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STOP!

A very revealing pic of divorce for some children!  Even the sun and sunflowers are saddened!

Quick question:  Who would want to sit  in the middle of this ‘parent’s conversation’?

STOP! Split in two m

As shared on FB page of Single Fathers Association of America, February 19, 2015

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Fathers-Association-of-America/1432932546928423

Post link: https://www.facebook.com/1432932546928423/photos/pcb.1442704869284524/1442704842617860/?type=1&theater

#88, STOP!

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A Fathers’ Fear

A father expresses concerns about how things will change when his son begins school.  His comments about spending quality time with his son are heartwarming and resonate with many parents.

I don’t live with my child full time and this doesn’t leave me fearful, that he will love me any less then his mother. What leaves me fearful is when he starts school, i will become an every other weekend daddy. 12 days which is 288 hours without contact doesn’t justify myself having an influence on his education at all. Apparently the courts say time during the week with a parent isn’t quality time. So you mean feeding, bathing and reading bed time stories isn’t classed as quality time. Try going into your child’s empty room, or looking at his car seat every time you drive. Then you understand what true quality time is. All it takes is for a mother to say, yes you can have him during the week and that’s access granted. So as a man and father am i classed as an equal?

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Missing Everyday Events

One father shares his feelings on missing the daily activities.

“(It) was really hard right at first with the divorce because you go through a period of time where, as a father, you’re so lonely in the first place, you want to overcompensate, you want to show the kids that you love them so much and that you care about them so much…you miss that relationship so much. When you go from having them every day, you know, the day to day things, as a father you miss tucking them into bed, saying their prayers, reading a book. It might just be coming home from work and asking them how their day at school was. It can be anything like that.”

As shared on Fatherwork

http://fatherwork.byu.edu/nonCustodial.htm

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Bob Geldof Speaks out on PAS

“I cannot even say the words. A huge emptiness would well in my stomach, a deep loathing for those who would deign to tell me they would ALLOW me ACCESS to my children – those I loved above all, those I created, those who gave meaning to everything I did, those who were the very best of us two and the absolute physical manifestation of our once blinding love.

Who the hell are they that they should ALLOW anything? REASONABLE CONTACT!!!

Is the law mad? Am I a criminal? An ABSENT parent. A RESIDENT/NON-RESIDENT parent. This Lawspeak which you all speak so fluently, so unthinkingly, so hurtfully, must go.

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Mother kept the hate alive-all of these years”

Adult child of alienation discovers the concept of PAS due to experiences in a current marriage and is able to identify ‘what really happened’ after her parent’s divorce.

Story is published as shared by an adult child of  Parental Alienation Syndrome.

“We are getting a divorce” I remember my mother saying. It was in 1981 so I don’t remember too much. What I do remember is a lot of conflict, mom crying and we all of course felt sorry for her. After the divorce, I remember a few times we went to see our dad. He told us that the white stuff in the orange peel was good for us. We went home and it became “Bob” (his title of Dad/Father was removed) feeds you orange peels instead of how he was teaching us about health. We basically made fun of everything and it made the visits with “Bob” feel like a joke. There was talk about child support and my teen brother stood up for my mom and punched our dad in the face. That was when the visits stopped I think.

I would write hate letters to “Bob”. Hateful cussing letters of what a terrible person he was for leaving us. My mother would tell me how good they were. There was no counseling for any of us. I moved out and I remember having an eating disorder. Looking back, I am sure it was due to lack of control over my feelings. I grew to know that “Bob was the enemy”, we just don’t like him. There was nobody there to insist that we have a relationship with our dad. There was nobody reminding us of anything good about our father. Only negative opinions about him, from our mother. Anytime I would say anything about him, it was laughed at. I had to watch what I said. I went from growing up with a quiet, peaceful dad that I loved, to learning to hate him. But there was part of me that kept wanting my dad. We were told that he abandoned us, that he didn’t love us.

I had many problems in my 20s. I had the most trouble with relationships. I couldn’t seem to make any work. I would cry so often but I didn’t really know why. Something was wrong but I didn’t know what. I went to group therapy and private but nothing seemed to help my heart. I think I was crying because relationships wouldn’t work, but now I look back and I think relationships wouldn’t work because I had a broken heart over the loss of my dad and I wanted a man to fix my heart.

After I married, we had two children. I took them to meet their grandfather and I tried to keep it a secret from my mother. It slipped from my daughter and my mother was mad. She gave me the silent treatment for taking our children to see their grandfather!! I didn’t really understand it at the time. I just went along with it.

The man I married had 4 children. They began to dislike us. We put a swimming pool in, got a trampoline and a new bike for the son and they had to go by their mothers rules at our house for those things. They weren’t even allowed on the trampoline. It was frustrating as I loved those kids. Slowly, things got more difficult. The kids would be cold when we picked them up. It would take a while to warm up to us. Their mother would call in the middle of our visits with them and she would come get them and we would be left wondering why they left. Things got so difficult and they were so disrespectful that we had them go back to their mothers. It was crazy. My husband and I are pretty peaceful likeable people and these kids were hating us. They ended up moving a half hour away and our phone was blocked. We didn’t know what to do. The mother wouldn’t let us go to counseling with them so we saw a dead end.

I began to research parental alienation as a friend mentioned it to me. I saw so many similarities to it and believed that this is what was happening. I read DIVORCE POISON. It was then that the light bulb lit brightly. That was it! As time went on I put more and more pieces together and was convinced that it was pa that had separated us from my husbands kids.
It was a birthday party for my mother and I heard her say how much she loved us and “its too bad the other parent doesn’t feel the same”. I think that was the moment I realized that our mother has been keeping the hate alive all of these years. Later, knowing Jesus is with me always, and having the love and support of my husband, I confronted her in email. I was too afraid to talk to her in person. I asked her if she really thought that our dad didn’t love us. No answer. I asked her not to say anything to us about our father unless it was a benefit to us. She rarely talks to me anymore. The threat she always hung over me of ignoring me came true. She pretty much ignores me these days. My own mother. I learned that she hates our father more than she loves us. Thankfully, I have learned that her childhood affects who she is and she never healed from having an alcoholic father. So I think I am ok not talking to her. Who wants to have someone in their life that really doesn’t care about them? She only wants me in her life if I hate my dad with her. No thanks. I have broken out of that hate jail and reunited with my Dad. I no longer refer to him by his first name. He is my Dad! Nobody will ever tell me who I can or cannot love again!

Thank you for sharing the sad situations and the heart warming story about reuniting with your dad.

Permission to use granted: 1/25/2015

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Missing Out

One father shares how he misses out on the day-to-day activities of his children’s lives.

“It was a tremendous feeling of loss for me. Even more so, it was a tremendous regret. To think about what it’s like when children first get up in the morning and they’re kind of sleepy-eyed and to give them a big hug and a kiss to be with them at the end of the day and to have dinner with them on a regular basis. The ability to just “have” all the little thing.

“The opportunities to express love and to give them a hug and to smile and ask them a question….just to be interested in what is going on in their everyday school lives, and all the little school programs that they’ve done that I wasn’t able to fly in for that were happening all the time. I always felt a tremendous sense of loss and that hurt.”

As shared on Fatherwork

http://fatherwork.byu.edu/nonCustodial.htm

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Divorce is like…

One father shares his thoughts on divorce.

Divorce is like cliff m final

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Every single day

Every single day m

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I Never Alienated My Son

I never abandoned my son final m

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To my daughters

One father shares his heartache about the separation from his daughters.

To my daughters,

I miss you and love you very much. I promise we will get through this abuse and have a normal life someday soon. You are both so brave and strong to be dealing with this, hang in there, daddy is here for you.

xoxoxo

Parental Alienation Victims July 30, 2011
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Parental-Alienation-Victims/179750045416800

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Questions from one father

A father asks questions about being excluded from his daughters’ life.

The answer to each question is a resounding NO!

Anonymous

I just want my baby girl back.

I was there when she was born.

I was there changing diapers and feeding her, getting up in the middle of the night with her to let her mom sleep.

I taught her to ride a bike, to tie her shoes, to climb trees.

I took her to her first day of school, I volunteered in her classes, I cooked her dinner, picked out clothes, washed those clothes and taught her how to fold them.

I did homework with her, read stories to her, ticked her in each night and kissed her good night.

We sold lemonade together on the street corner and I sold Girl Scout cookies with her on the side walk at the store.

I took her to gymnastics, and to soccer and watched all her games.

I combed her her hair, we did our nails together and watched movies together over and over and over.

Her mother and I have separated. I went from a stay home dad and her primary re model to a visitor who requires supervised visitation?

Now it’s in her best interest that I’m no longer around? Because her mother and I separated?

Now, I suddenly only get 4 days a month with my baby and my every move and spoken word to her needs to be monitored, recorded, reviewed and critiqued?

I am only a father so I am disposable?

Only required if and when the mother deems I am needed?

I can’t sleep at night, I can’t function during the day, what is she thinking? That I don’t live her or care about her anymore?

That her daddy has abandoned her?

I can’t keep paying for these supervised visits.

Am I to just fade away and disappear?

I just want my baby girl back.

The Fathers’ Rights Movement FB posted 2-10-15
https://www.facebook.com/Fathers4kids?fref=nf

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“Live for my 4 days a month”

One father expresses heartache and how he lives with a shadow over him because he is not able to raise his children.  

I live my live for 4 days a month.  My heart is broke.  Every day.  As I sit here on my weekend I don’t get them. I feel such hurt.  But I have to play nice or I won’t get them next weekend. I feel a shadow over my head.  A gloom.  I here the girls running around.  I see little things they leave as reminders.  In my tiny apartment.  I miss them.  I know many have it worse off.  But I still sit here in pain.  I was made to be a daddy.  And it’s gone.

New step dad has taken over my role.   And, I wasn’t the reason for the divorce.

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Dear Son

One daddy’s heartache!

 

Dear Son m

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Dear Jessica

Dear Jessica m

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Night time thoughts

Each night I lay m

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