~Parent to Parent

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Worst Thing

This parent shares their thoughts on divorce and the impact of divorce on their child.  She recognizes how divorce has changed her daughter.  Their family unit has been altered by divorce and the parental conflict during and following the divorce.

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Divorce is the worst thing that can happen to a child.  Parental divorce can be a life changer for children when the post divorce relationship is painfully different from the pre divorce relationship. After battling in family court for 12 years and I have seen what this  has done to my daughter.  It has place big wall up in her life that is a everyday task to help her understand it all.   I would give anything to spare my daughter from the grief that my divorce has caused her.

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#320, Worst Thing

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Fault line in the Family

One parent shares the reality of divorce!  When there is parental conflict the child suffers!  When parents are unable to maintain a cordial relationship, the child goes without.  The reality is that when parents expose their kids to a lot of mudslinging and bad behavior, the child suffers.

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Divorce causes a fault line in families. I have had the miisfortune to witness it twice at close range although my parents have never divorced and I have never married! My current partner and my ex were both married with kids. The sad thing in both cases is the mothers wanted the kids to side with them and used them as pawns which damaged them irreparably. Things were never the same and never healed. Kids are lied to, manipulated and led to believe their fathers are the worst thing on this earth which is not the case!

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#318, Fault line in the Family

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Game Changer

This parent shares the heartache of her divorce.  She recognizes that her daughters life has been altered-and not for the best.  Divorce changes things-for everyone.  A child is subjected to the decisions of the parents.  Their life is totally uprooted.  Their sense of security is threatened.  Undoubtedly, divorce changes the outcome of what may have been.

Divorce is a game changer.  After battling in family court for over 12 years  I can say that this has changed my daughter.  There is a big wall around her.  She is guarded and has never returned to the innocent, happy go-lucky child she was before the divorce. Everyday I struggle to understand her.  I know that she struggles each day as well.  Trying to make sense of what happened to her happy family and her sense of safety.

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#283, Game Changer

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 Children First

A message to parents of divorce with children.

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Equal Parenting should say it all but there are too many holes in laws! Parent’s should think of the children first!

“love your children more than you hate your ex?

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#196, Children First

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Family

If this is true, then what happens in the family is ultra important!  All the more reason to work together  as co-parents.  Putting the child first is always in the child’s best interest.  Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!

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"P𝔢𝔯𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔰 𝑦𝔬𝔲 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔴𝔯𝔬𝔫𝔤 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔭𝔞𝔫𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔣𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭... 𝔄𝔫𝔡 𝔣𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝑦 𝔪𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰.
 𝔑𝔬 𝔪𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔪𝔢𝔢𝔱 𝔬𝔯 𝔴𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔴𝔢 𝔤𝔢𝔱 𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔞𝔠𝔥𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔬, 𝔴𝔢 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔞𝔩𝔴𝔞𝑦𝔰 𝔞𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔢.
 𝓘𝔱 𝔰𝔢𝔢𝔪𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔬𝔫𝔩𝑦 𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔣𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝑦 𝔱𝔦𝔢𝔰 𝔠𝔞𝔫 𝔴𝔢 𝔠𝔞𝔰𝔱 𝔞𝔫 𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔲𝔰𝔦𝔬𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔴𝔢 
 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔞𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔢."

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#305, Family

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Best Security Blanket

How true!  The best gift a parent can give their child is to have parents who love and respect each other.  Perfectly said!

What a great opportunity TPKF m

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Time to Put Kids First, TPKF

Link to TPKF Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/timetoputkidsfirst?fref=ts

#321, Best Security Blanket

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Not Their Fault

This parent shares the reality of divorce!  THE IMPACT ON THE CHILD!!!!!  Sadly, children are the innocent victims of divorce.  They have no voice in the divorce.  They have no opinion on how to handle the logistics of daily living.  They are subject to the decisions and actions of their parents.  This is why Shared Parenting is so important.  

Divorce is between the parents-  ABOUT THE CHILD!!! 

LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!! 

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Children should be the number one reason not to get divorced! The effects that is has on them can be life altering. It’s not their fault that mommy and daddy are too immature to make a marriage work.

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#316, Not Their Fault

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Advice From a Divorce Attorney

A divorce attorney shares his thoughts on divorce.  To provide a home and family for their children.   This is an interesting take given his profession. The focus of his words are on the true matters of divorce-the children!  He is right on the money.

Going through a divorce is hard. Divorce is especially hard when there are children involved. As a divorce attorney I have seen many couples continue to fight over the custody and financial support of their children.

I secretly think that parents should seek counseling before going through the motions of divorce. Fix the marriage and provide a life for your children. As planned, in the beginning, when your children were born.

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#332, Advice from Divorce Attorney

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Rather Than…

Excellent advice!   Research shows that a child exposed to parental conflict is MORE likely to experience social and academic problems. They are MORE likely to have physical health issues and mental healthy issues including depression and anxiety disorders.   Shielding the child from parental conflict during the divorce is a WIN for everyone. 

AND,  

Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!

LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!

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Rather than looking at the family after 10 years post divorce and asking “what is there”- let’s look at the family and see what is not there. Kids not in trouble.  Kids not experiencing problems in school or hanging in out with the wrong crowds.  This is all because their parents were united and  had a friendly divorce.

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# 326, Rather Than…

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Worth the Struggles

Perfectly said!  Is fighting for your child worth the effort?  YES!!!!!  Each parent has unique traits and skills to offer their child.   Each parent has a right to spend time with their child and to parent their child.  The better question is WHY do parents need to go to court to fight for their parental rights.  Divorce is between the parents and ABOUT THE CHILD!!!!  LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!! 

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So I’m kicking back on my family holiday, away from all the problems back home. Spending real family time together and getting to know my child, more than I ever did before. His snoring keeps me awake at night, so I stand on the balcony. I stop and think, was the disputes and courts necessary? Was all the money worth my final outcome? Will things get better in the future? It’s a lot to think and worry about. Then I look backs into the room and there he is smiling while sleeping. I smile, because all my question were answered! Damn right it was worth it because I love him and I know he needs me too. Who’s going to show him how to be a man if daddy isn’t there? I’m sure mummy can’t do that, no offence. We are different genders and have different roles for a reason don’t we?

Fathers that Care, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Father.that.care?fref=nf

#288, Worth the Struggles

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Think First

Advice to someone considering marriage. While the advice is simple, reasons for divorce are usually anything but simple.  Nonetheless, this individual conveys the message that marriage is a serious endeavor in life. To think before marrying someone and once married…stay married.  Simple answers for tough questions.  

Here is my advice on divorce:  just think twice or more before going in to marriage because once you find your self in an unhappy marriage,  the problem of divorce creates a sense of failure.  Take time before going into a marriage.  Too much is at stake.  Why risk your child’s happiness.  Once married, stay married.  No matter what.

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#285, Think First

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Age of Shared Parenting

This parent shares the objective of shared parenting!  And, the reality of shared parenting!  The saddest part of parents NOT working together is the impact on the child!  A child is ‘forced’ to live their life without one parent.  Just because the parents cannot work together.  Shameful!!!!

Again:  Two parents are in the best interest of the child!  Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!!!!!   LOVE WINS!!!

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We live in a time of a shared parenting world.  Yet, for many children, shared parenting is denied.  I know.  I am divorced.  My kids are divorced from me.

Children of divorce are separated from their parents because the parents are in dispute over living arrangements.  Laws and social policy guidelines are outdated.  The ‘system’ put in place to act in the best interest of the child  damages the parent child relationship.  The ‘system’ destroys the child’s choice to communicate with both parents.   When a parent is removed from the child’s life on a daily basis the child becomes the victim.  We need to do something.  The relationship with my 2 children is destroyed. Knowing that my kids will learn the truth in 10 years offers little comfort.  For now, I am missing out on the moments of their lives.  School days, sport practices, and friends after school.  Breakfast and dinner together are ….gone.  Going to church as a family……gone.  Living my life with joy……..gone.  The unfair courts have ruined my life.  If you are thinking about divorce-don’t do it.  Do what you can to stay together.  Staying in a bad marriage is better than  a divorce.

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#272, Age of Shared Parenting

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Sad

An adult child of divorce shares thoughts on divorce:

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I know what fighting is like..I seen it..I mean some people just think of themselves and not the sake of the kid…it’s sad when this stuff happens and it makes me sad to see this happens far too often..I wish people would know what they are doing before they get married.

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#240, Sad

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Before You Divorce…

The impact of divorce for the child is HUGE!   Here is a message from one parent to anyone thinking about divorce!

Note: Anyone thinking about divorce-please read the entries on this site (and other websites). Messages from moms, dads, children and outsiders…..this reveals the true impact of divorce.

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To anyone thinking about divorce,

PLEASE PLEASE read up on divorce and your child!  Find out how your child will change when you divorce!

Divorce changes EVERYTHING!  Divorce will CHANGE your child!!!!!  Your child will NEVER be the same.  AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!  There will always be a hole in their heart!  They will always wonder about who else may leave them or betray them.  If you are in an unhappy marriage STAY if you can.  You may have a few years of unhappiness. But if you can spare your child the t

rauma of divorce, STAY MARRIED.  Of course, if there is abuse this may not work.  BUT, think about your child first!  There are many books and websites on how divorce changes your child’s life.

Read these BEFORE choosing divorce.

I wishy my parents did!!!

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#236, Before You Divorce…

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Personal Experience

One parent shares the emotional aspect of divorce.  She expresses concern about dating and replacing a parent with a new partner.  This parent acknowledges the pain of divorce through personal experience with her parents divorce and her need for comfort during the difficult time.  

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Most parents don’t realize what their children go through when their parents decided to divorce.  They have no idea how much turmoil this causes.  Parents are too involved in themselves to pay attention to their children and to see how their children really are doing.  Parents become self-absorbed and lose sight of the important things.  Looking for a new partner, trying to find happiness and thinking the child is better off with a ‘new parent’.

From personal experience, I know what children feel like when their parents divorce.  I know that me and my siblings needed comfort.  We felt abandoned, became troubled and hateful people.  We needed comfort.  Instead we did things to get their attention.  Got in trouble at school and with the neighbors kids.

Please do not marry unless you are positive of your new partner.  For goodness sake-do not have children unless you are sure of who you are with.  Parents should do everything to make the marriage work.  Do what you can before putting your children through the ordeal of divorce.  Bottom line is that once you have children they should always come first.

I know, my parents divorced when I was young.  I will not put my children through what my parents did.

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#228, Personal Experience

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Grow -up!

This mother gives effective advice to other mothers.   

The best statement is “Do what is right for your kids.”

Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!!!!!

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Anonymous

My advice to the mothers that are keeping their children from their fathers:  Grow up!

Just because you can does not mean that you should.  In time, your children will resent you for keeping them from their father.  They  will figure out what this is doing to them.   I did not keep my kids from their father, even when he did not pay child support.  Fathers have a right to see their kids, no matter what you think of them. Be the grown up and do the right thing.  Do what is right for your kids.  To those of you who the father wants to see their kid DO NOT PUSH HIM AWAY.  Your child needs their dad.

#223, Advice

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God’s Goodness

This wife and mother talks about her parent’s divorce, the blessing and difficulty of divorce.  She reveals the goodness of God and how God is the foundation for the success of her marriage. (Comments to Turned Out All Right?, post #177, posted June 16, 2015)

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My parents divorced when I was a freshman in college. I remember my Dad saying to me that he was going to leave when my younger brother went to college. He waited to leave until we were older. I am sad that my parents marriage did not last, but in looking back, I am glad that they stayed together for as long as they did, and especially when we were younger.

I have now been blessed to be married for 21 years. I am grateful to God for my husband, and I know that we are still married because of having God and Jesus in our lives. Marriage is a blessing, but at times is also difficult. I don’t know how marriages that do not have God as a foundation make it.

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Comment to Turned Out All Right?, by JH, July 29, 2013.

Link to article: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/turned-out-all-right.html

#178, God’s Goodness

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Be the Bigger Person

The time is never too late to do the right thing!

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Be the bigger/ better person. Don’t teach your child to hate their other parent. It’s time to do the right thing. Put your kids and their best intetest first. STOP fighting & start co parenting! Kids need both parents! Please help us raise awareness….

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Shared on Supporters of Shared Parenting Headquarters, May 26, 2015

#170, Be the Bigger Person

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Most Parents Do Not Realize…

Divorce is a tumultuous event for everyone in the family.  An adult child of divorce sends a message to parents on the impact of divorce on the child.   

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Most parents don’t realize what they put their children through when they get a divorce and separate. They don’t realize how much it troubles a young child’s mind, especially because as a result of the divorce, parents are usually too involved with themselves to realize anything’s wrong with their children. They become self-absorbed and lose track of what’s really important, seeking to find another mate as fast as possible, no matter whether it be for personal happiness or believing the child needs a replacement parent. Most parents, at least from what I’ve heard and experienced, don’t notice that their child is troubled and needs comfort. The child feels abandoned, becomes hateful, guilty, depressed, any plethora of emotions could result and in seeking attention, the child lashes out, often times in ways that ultimately hurts their self.

People shouldn’t marry unless their positive of their chosen partner. They especially shouldn’t have children unless they’re confident about the person they’re with and the life they are making. There is enough suffering in the world that such a simple thing should be easy enough to avoid. It’s a matter of faith and trust in one’s significant other and their life together. Children shouldn’t be made to suffer because of parents’ mistakes. Parents, if at any point they feel like their relationship is failing, they should do everything in their power to work it out before putting their children through such an ordeal. When two people have a child, that child should always come first.

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#166, Most Parents Do Not Realize

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Simple Advice

Advice for parents considering divorce.  Simple words that can make a huge difference in your child’s life.

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.Parenting takes two………. two parents to raise,love and care for a child.  If you divorce, make sure your child still  has two parents to raise, love and care for them.

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#155, Simple Advice

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Take the High Road

Advice that may be easier to give than follow!

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Take the high road and pay no attention to what ‘they’ say.

All that really matters is what you think about yourself and how you treat others.  This is the advice that I TRY to follow.  I have to remind myself that I love my daughter MORE than I HATE my ex.

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#144, Take the High Road

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Important Advice

Life is all about choices!

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The FIRST and Most Important Step in being a good father to your children is to discern and choose a good wife.

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Shared on Fathers in the Field, May 12, 2015.

Link to FB page for Fathers in the Field: https://www.facebook.com/fathersinthefield?fref=ts

#142, Important Advice

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Think About the Children

An important message to parents who are divorced.  Children need the love of both families!  A reminder to think about the children, for the sake of the children.  

Just because parent’s fall out of love, don’t alienate the children from the parent that is not in the same home, it takes a village to raise a child, so let them have the love of both families, as if you alienate them from one side of the family, you are cheating them out of love and life skills they can learn from both sides of the families. Their are too many children out there that can’t speak for themselves, as they don’t want to upset the parent they live with, yet I bet they cry themselves to sleep when your not looking, they are also fearful of showing affection towards the alienated parent for fear of repercussion. It is a dangerous game to play, and to poison their minds against the other parent is just unforgivable. A house can become a home when agendas are set aside for the sake of the children. Trust me, more often than not, the person doing the alienating will pay big time once the child grows and finds out you used them as a pawn to get back at your ex. So think about the children, and not your own agenda to hurt your ex with the children you both brought into the world.

Shared by Faun Witten on March 2, 2015.

# 106, Think About the Children

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Basic Needs

A summary of what a child wants and needs while growing up.

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Thought for the night.

Is the world not hard enough for our children without us throwing them into the turmoil of a separated family and fighting parents?

The child only wants to be a child. The child only wants to be loved. The child needs to feel nothing but love, security and comfort from his parents. They only want to be a child to their Mother and Father.

Our children are born into innocence, and are only taught to fear, to hate and to be angry. It was the one job that we were given by God. Protect our children. Lets try harder to figure out how to do that.

God Bless.

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As shared on For-Fathers Rights, August 18, 2014.

#133, Basic Needs

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Marital advice

Marital advice that is short and to the point!

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One thing is, that if you’re getting married, you should be sure of what you’re doing first. Once you have kids-stay married!

#130, Marital Advice

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Reminder Re: Child Support

Child support is a major part of divorce and custody agreements.  The purpose of child support is to help provide the same life-style your child experienced before the divorce. Sometime, a reminder is needed……as indicated by this father.

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Anonymous,

Look You’re not spending money to essentially pay for visitation.

You’re paying money to help the mother raise the life you helped to create.

That’s why it’s called child support.

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The Fathers’ Rights Movement

#117, Reminder re: Child Support

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Legacy

Parenting legacy!  This parent states the qualities she wants her children to remember about her!  

I say this all the time. If you ask me what legacy I want to leave for my daughters, it’s not money…I want my daughters to be able to say, “My mom was always transparent, honest, God fearing and full of integrity!

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Shared by Tami Roman from Faun Witten

#111, Legacy

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Keep Children Out of the Divorce

An important message to parents! Keep the children out of our mess. Let the innocent stay clear of evil!  

Divorce is between the parents-and ABOUT THE CHILD!

LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!  LOVE WINS!!!  LOVE WINS!!! 

Your first obligation m

Fathers That Care. May 3, 2015

#109, Keep Children Out of the Divorce

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Divorce is Generational

Divorcing can impact your child’s marriage too.  This parent shares the reality of divorce.  In essence, one set of problems is traded for another.  

Caroline on the show “Little House on the Prairie” explains this best:  “If you were to trade your basket of problems with someone else, by the end of the day you would want your own basket back.”  

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Divorce has been a generational problem in my family. My grandparents, parents and myself all divorced. The latest casualty in this sad story is my daughter, who is also divorced now. My daughter and I tell people, you only trade one set of problems for another, when friends or family consider getting a divorce. In my case, it is very hard for me to trust and have decided to remain single. More time and energy should be spent in knowing and understanding what marriage really means.

Also, one should take the time to really know who the person is that you are marrying. Sounds like common sense but, common sense is not very common these days.

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Marriage -Ecosystem: My Story Too by Anonymous, in response to post  “Myth of Divorce”  at Marriage-Ecosystem (post #100 at Shared Parenting Confessional)

Link to post:  http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/the-myth-of-divorce-as-the-way-to-solve-all-your-problems.html

Link to site: http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org

#102, Divorce is Generational

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Divorce Trend Can Stop

Generations of Love and commitment can yield huge benefits.. Sometimes, making the commitment ‘to not divorce’ can be as important as the marriage vows!  

Preserving the family unit is quite the legacy!  

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My parents who met and married in 1948 were from broken homes (the term for divorced used in those days). My parents made a commitment to one another to never, ever put their children through a divorce. Their marriage was at times rocky but we girls never doubted their love and commitment to each other.

Sadly, my two sisters are on their third marriage. (Proving that third time is a charm!) My husband and I will be married 35 years in July. I laughingly but truthfully can say that we could have divorced several times. Thank God we did not.

Our children have benefited from our staying together and so have we! We just shared the birth of our first grandchild. We are in love and feeling very much like the twenty-something’s we were when we first met and fell in love. Feeling blessed that our love was “evergreen”!

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Marriage -Ecosystem: The Trend Can Stop by Cindy, in response to post  “Myth of Divorce”  at Marriage-Ecosystem (post #100 at Shared Parenting Confessional)

Link to post:  http://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/the-myth-of-divorce-as-the-way-to-solve-all-your-problems.html

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Advice for Parents

Words of wisdom for parents.

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Divorce is most likely to wreak havoc when spouses declare war on each other and draft their kids.

– Constance Ahrons

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Blog site: Adult Children of Divorce (ACOD): Shame, Empathy, and Resilience

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Pre-Divorce Counseling Advice

A pre-divorce group counseling session offered guiding words for this parent. 

My ex wife and I attended a pre-divorce group counseling session required by the judge. One quote really hit the nail on the head for me, “Most children of divorced parents are damaged, maybe 90%. The other 10% grow stronger from the experience.”

So I ask, which side of that coin do you want your children to be on: 90/10, damaged/strong?

Divorce is an emotional storm.

Divorce and kids can often be a messy combination. The judge’s statement, and the 90/10 statements, can help you go through this journey with integrity. Remember them often.

Act badly and your children will be damaged. Act with integrity and your children will grow strong.

Cliff Thomas shares the quote from Minnesota Judge Issues 200 Blunt Words to Divorcing Parents

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Judge has Blunt Words for Parents

The following advice from retired Minnesota Judge has been circulating for years among judges, attorneys and child advocates as powerful words of advice for all parents going through a divorce.  We hope you’ll take the time to read them!
Judge Michael Haas retired in December 2002 after 26 years of service as a Judge in Cass County, Minnesota.  In a letter written to advice columnist Abigail Van Buren as early as October 1994 by attorney Paul J. Kiltinen of Baxter, Minnesota, Mr. Kiltinen shared the following remarks by Judge Hass in a particularly difficult divorce case, describing the Judge’s remarks as “some of the most profound words of wisdom I’ve ever heard from the bench in all my years as an attorney.  His philosophy could provide insight to all parents, especially those who are involved in difficult dissolutions.”
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Judge Haas’ concise advice in less than 200 words is so well known and so widely respected that it has been referenced in multiple appellate court decisions, including Burke v. Burke, Tennessee Court of Appeals, No. M2000-01111-COA-R3-CV, Aug. 7, 2001 and Krupp v. Cunningham-Grogan, Tennessee Court of Appeals, No. M2005-01098-COA-R3-CV, August 29, 2006.
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It’s also been cited in Lawyers Weekly USA No. 9921543 and in Don R. Ash’s law review article, Bridge Over Troubled Water: Changing the Custody Law in Tennessee, 27 U. Mem. L. Rev. 769, 771-72 (1997).
Letter is transcribed below post.
Judge has blunt words m

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Effects of Divorce

One parent shares their view in the reality of divorce.  The effects of divorce, regardless of how things are handled, will impact the child!

Based on personal experience and observations in my family and circle of friends, there is no such thing as a good divorce. In one way or another, your child will suffer the effects of divorce for the REST OF THEIR LIFE!

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Words of wisdom for parents  

Divorce is between the parents-About the CHILD!
LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!! LOVE WINS!!!

Divorce or separation with children should not be about court, judges, attorneys, contempt motions, money or property. It should also not be about the destruction of a family. What it should be about, is the CHILDREN, and how both parents can create a healthy family life for their children between two homes.

Shared from Parental Alienation Victims, Community FB page, 8-13-2011.

Link: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Parental-Alienation-Victims/179750045416800?fref=pb&hc_location=profile_browser

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Parent to Parent

This parent sends a message to parents of divorce and shares thoughts on the responsibility of the parent to their family.   Keep in mind, this is in response to a ‘divorce’ story that someone shared on a site. Links to story and site are shared below.   

Some parents become so selfish.. They think everything will be fine at the end..(ONLY FOR THEM) but forget the mental trauma the kids go through.

We raise our kids to give them the best future ever, Loving Families, the happiness of the world. BUT Then As Parents we destroy it with their own selfish choice! But as we are tied in our emotional needs and stubbornness, And how to take revenge on our ex partners and thinking Divorce is freedom for us.. we simply forget we are tearing our own family apart which we once loved unlimited! Totally damaging our kids future and their prospects!

SO AS PARENTS KEEP YOUR EGO AND STUBBORNNESS DOWN!! MAKE IT WORK FOR YOUR CHILDREN SAKE AND STOP BEING SELFISH!! NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS IMPORTANT THAN THEIR SMILES!!

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A Message to Parents

One child offers advice to parents who are divorcing.

Dear Parents,
I worked through my parent’s divorce because it was amicable. The most important thing they did to help me was they kept up their talking and their friendship. I still get the same attention that I got when my Mom and Dad were married.

I really had to get used to this change, in some ways it took apart my life. In three years I was able to sew my life back together. This is how your child can feel too if you as parents keep talking to each other and to your kids. Make sure that your children know why you got divorced, because they may think it’s their fault like I did.

Sincerely,

Your child

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A Message to Co-Parents

Rachael Brown Patterson

Many years ago my parents divorced. I watched my dad struggle trying to get ahead with his new family. Every time my dad got a raise my mother took him back to court. Where I don’t ever remember my mom struggling. I definitely saw my dad. My dad had me every other weekend and time during the summer. My mom did allow me to go over when ever I wanted but when I asked to live with him…..FORGET IT.

She had custody and she was able to decide and my dad didn’t have the money to go back to court. Today I don’t have a relationship with my mom. When I graduated high school I moved out…. I never felt wanted at my moms… I always felt like I was an inconvenience she had no problem with me visiting my dad but NO to living with him (she always claimed it was because of the school district he resided in). My mom would always degrade my dad, but when I went to my dads and vented about my mom he NEVER degraded her and either did my step-mom. I look back now and I feel like I was a paycheck for my mom, nothing else. I love my Dad more and more everyday and told myself if I ever got divorced I would always give our children equal rights to see their dad and never take more than needed in child support.

Well quite a few years ago I got divorced. Although my ex husband would tell me I was just like my mom to try to hurt me (which it did) i made sure for my children’s sake they had equal visitation (he was allowed up to 15 days a month) with him even though he resided in a different school district. We ended up with joint custody with me having placement. I did get child support but we agreed to alot less than what NYS mandated because I wanted our children to have a home and food while living with their father and he would need money to b able to bring them to school. Our children are 18 and 16 and although incidents have occurred neither one of us were the “perfect” parent we have tried to b the best parents we could. Our children love us equally and know that BOTH of us will always b there for them.

I have also seen the other side. My boyfriend had to fight to be able to see his little girl. He was disabled and took their little girl everywhere. ( it was one of the reasons i fell in love with him, watching him talk about her) when they split up she ran and wouldn’t let him see her. I watched what the court system did and said to him as the mother sat their and lied. He at the time had a public defender who did nothing for him even though he was the primary parent. We ended up getting her when mom had to work…..that was it. It was then we decided to hire an actual lawyer someone who was paid to fight for him.
Thankfully this guy did his job….he wasnt out to take her from mom he just wanted equal rights to her. After his lawyer talked to the judge and the truth came out we ended up with 50/50 placement and joint custody now we get her every other week.

He was one of the lucky ones. I have watched what the how women abuse the court systems and I have watched the court systems abuse the men. Its not fair to the children. There needs to b a fair judge who will always do what’s in the best interest of the child.

Parents if you really love your children you will allow both parents in their life. Its what they deserve. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and there is no such thing as a child getting to much love.

The Fathers Rights Movement/2-16-15

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Dear Any Woman

Dear Any Woman 3 m

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