Love, Me

 

An endearing letter to Santa! An interesting part of this letter is how the letter is signed; Love, Me.    Notably, Me is the most prominent word!  Are her parents aware of how she feels? Is anyone acknowledging her concerns about parental conflict? I wonder how many children (and parents) will miss spending Christmas together as a family this year. Perhaps, we could overlook the obvious and refrain from asking whatever happened to a list of toys for Christmas? I hope Santa can to ‘deliver’ the gift of peace this year!

Deviant Art Dear Santa love me m

.

Deviant Art, Family by bahjarox.

Link to artwork: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Family-273867701

#1313, Love, Me

 

 

Kubo and the Monster

 

This very talented artist faces the ‘monster’ of divorce.  Excellent depiction of the emotional experiences of divorce from the child’s perspective. The artist shares: “As Kubo walked into the dark, gloomy cave, he suddenly heard a noise and swiftly turned around to it’s source, he looked but there was no one there, he turned back around and gazed at the sight of the monster ,The Monster of abandonment ,and despair, he swiftly grabbed his guitar and shamisen,and started to play.”

info about the art from the artist:
“Okay, the shadowy wolf thing its actually what I had to deal with in my elementary school years ,you see my elementary school years were not the best ,I had to face betrayal ,abandonment ,loneliness ,and my family now divorced ,and many other things ,but it wasn’t until jr. high that I met my friend ,which is now my friend even to today.”

#569/447, Kubo and the Monster

4/4/7

Deviant Art, Kub and the Monster by cookiedragon202

http://cookiedragon202.deviantart.com/art/Kubo-and-The-Monster-645096365

Categories: A Child’s View, Reality of Divorce, Impact on child

 

 

Holding On

 

A child in the middle holding on to both parents. Quality relationships of parents with their children are the greatest antidote to the negative consequences from divorce.” 

~John Chirban Ph.D., Th.D.   

#546, Holding On

The Happy Mask

 

Emotional abuse during childhood has long-term ramifications.  An adult child shares a glimpse into their emotional world.  The child learns at an early age to put aside their own desires to please their parent. This is at the expense of their own emotional needs, feelings and wants. This emotional abuse may revealed in all future relationships.

 

#503, The Happy Mask

Divorce Agreement

 

This talented artist presents a collection of scenes representing the divorce process. The black/white contrasted with crimson petals reveals the starkness of divorce. Tears of petals appearing as flower and heart shapes in the middle row sets the tone of sadness. The trail of petals in the last frame summarizes the essence of divorce in some families.

Note: The artist created this piece as a backstory for a character used in a storyline. She states her parents are not divorced and have a ‘happy relationship’.  She brilliantly captures the emotional aspect of divorce for a character further speaking to her creativity.  Excellent work!

 

 

#486, Divorce Agreement

Deviant Art, CutieEevee1

https://cutieeevee1.deviantart.com/art/Day-6-Hanahaki-With-Backstory-708305784

Spent College $ on Legal Fees

 

How true this is. The Family Court system is a multi billion-dollar business.  Too many parents liquidate accounts, sell their home and use savings account to fight the battle in the Family Court system. All of this money is spent in order to try and have a relationship with their child or to inhibit the parent-child relationship. Clearly, this money could be better spent on the child!

#472, Spent College $ on Legal Fees

Shared on TimeToPutKidsFirst, Facebook link: https://www.facebook.com/timetoputkidsfirst/

Family Values

 

A captivating poem on the dynamics within the context of a family separating.  This artist shares the emotional aspects of being a member of a family of divorce. Even more intriguing, she conveys feelings of love and loss and the parent-child bond.  The last two lines describe the significance of the separation process.  An outstanding presentation to the impact of divorce on family and society.

Acidic words burn like fire, as angry yells shatter and tear
Children hide in a corner with fear, clutching a tattered teddy bear
No alcohol or drugs flow in this house; bitter substances aren’t the poison here
Only the lack of love and personal caring, are the causes of these endless salty tears
A value can not be placed upon love, nor the loss measured when there’s none
The damage here is impossible to calculate, because a father doesn’t love his only son
To many mothers a daughter brings joy, but here the two can’t share a smile
Two siblings wage war upon each other, while their parents await a divorce court trial
Twenty years ago, this would seem dramatic, now the situation goes on next door
The degrading of the global family unit is so common people don’t see it anymore.
#462, Family Values
Poem: l-piroko-l Deviant Art 
Artwork: Dragon Queen, l-piroko-l Deviant Art 

Mental Abuse of PA

 

This is the reality of an adult child of divorce (ACOD) raised by a narcissistic parent. “I wanted to share this with you because…even as a 31 year old, the effects of mental abuse are still very real for me, especially when it comes to my mother. Years and years of mind control cannot be erased in a decade. Yes, I am in a good place now, but it is because I choose to be and have been very careful to ensure I am in this headspace. Breaking that connection takes work. And a simple phone call that wasn’t even answered and very well could have been an accidental butt-dial *could* have set me off wanting my mother’s attention and love; it happened to me many times over the years. I know it’s a blackhole though. I have to be strong, for myself. Please try to keep this in mind and empathize with your alienated loved one. The emotional trauma of being raised by an alienator never goes away… Be strong and stay strong. Much love.” -KidOfPAS

#354, Mental Abuse of PA

As told on KidOfPAS.com, Facebook.com/KidOfPAS

.

Reality of Exchanges

 

This is a most unfortunate reality for some parents in a high conflict divorce. A drop zone created by the city to accommodate parents who will not be nice during the exchange. Security cameras are watching the area for any outbursts or abnormal behavior.  Notably, there are many parents even missing out on this! 

How long is the 2 minute exchange? http://www.sharedparentinginfo.com/two-minute-exchange.html

 

 

The Living Dead

 

Here is an emotional account of the heart wrenching reality of  parental alienation. Emotional mental health is important in high conflict divorces.  If you are devastated because you are unable to have a relationship with your child- please seek help.  There are support groups to offer emotional support. There is hope in finding strength with other parents experiencing the same feelings. Suicide is not the answer. 

 

The Living Dead

The very breath we breathe is sucked out of us. We walk around like zombies. The smile we once had is no longer visible and peace is forever gone. This is what it is like for a parent who has been alienated from their children. We simply cease to function on a normal basis. On the outside, we are normal but on the inside we scream in terror and hold onto dysfunctional behavior.

Most people who know us do not understand what we are going through. They only see what they want to see. They will never understand what it is like to lose their child because of the vindictive actions of an alienating spouse or the erroneous decisions of a family court judge. They think we embellish our situation and should be able to move on but, how can we?

There are many parents and our children who have chosen to lose the battle of alienation because the pain is too great and are unable to continue fighting for what they desire. It is unfortunate when this occurs because their pain may end in the physical and emotional sense but, they leave it behind for those still on this earth who once loved them.

For myself, I have known three parents who have chosen to end their pain and suffering in the most dreadful manner caused by alienation. It leaves a hole in my heart that can never be filled. For family members, it must be even more devastating. I can only say that you must hold on and believe that tomorrow will be better.

It is imperative that each of you take care to safeguard your mental and emotional health because you need to be here for the time of when your children awaken from their slumber and realize they need you. If, you choose to make the ultimate decision to end your pain…you are wrong and you are selfish. Pick yourself up and make the conscious decision to fight back against the dark powers.

There is a way to do this and that is the power of self-healing. Step back from the fight. Concentrate on yourself and do something that promotes a different emotional environment for yourself. I understand how difficult this may be and how you may feel that you are giving up on your child through this process but, if you are damaged then you are no good to yourself nor your child.

Take time to heal. Go on that long awaited vacation. Go fishing. Camping with a friend? How about taking a dancing class? Perhaps counseling? Whatever you need to do make sure that fulfill your bucket list and come back a more complete person. After all, you’re worth it and so are your children. They need to have you back in their lives and not an emotional wreck. They need you as you once were.

Ultimately, the choice is yours to make. You can either choose to live in a silent, emotional fear and heartache or you can make the conscious decision to rise above this and heal yourself. Don’t be selfish in your actions. Consider who you are doing this for and that is your children. They deserve to have a super-mom or super-dad in their corner fighting for them.

Heal yourself from within and regain your life, your smile and your children. We all have this drive and fight inside us, we just have to reach down deep to find it. We do not have to be the living dead. We can instead be the living parents again!

By David Shubert

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#449, The Living Dead

Categories: A Parent’s heartache, Parent to Parent, Reality of Divorce