The Living Dead

 

Here is an emotional account of the heart wrenching reality of  parental alienation. Emotional mental health is important in high conflict divorces.  If you are devastated because you are unable to have a relationship with your child- please seek help.  There are support groups to offer emotional support. There is hope in finding strength with other parents experiencing the same feelings. Suicide is not the answer. 

Shared by David Shubert on Parental ALienationAwareness Organization International-North Texas 

The Living Dead

The very breath we breathe is sucked out of us. We walk around like zombies. The smile we once had is no longer visible and peace is forever gone. This is what it is like for a parent who has been alienated from their children. We simply cease to function on a normal basis. On the outside, we are normal but on the inside we scream in terror and hold onto dysfunctional behavior.

Most people who know us do not understand what we are going through. They only see what they want to see. They will never understand what it is like to lose their child because of the vindictive actions of an alienating spouse or the erroneous decisions of a family court judge. They think we embellish our situation and should be able to move on but, how can we?

There are many parents and our children who have chosen to lose the battle of alienation because the pain is too great and are unable to continue fighting for what they desire. It is unfortunate when this occurs because their pain may end in the physical and emotional sense but, they leave it behind for those still on this earth who once loved them.

For myself, I have known three parents who have chosen to end their pain and suffering in the most dreadful manner caused by alienation. It leaves a hole in my heart that can never be filled. For family members, it must be even more devastating. I can only say that you must hold on and believe that tomorrow will be better.

It is imperative that each of you take care to safeguard your mental and emotional health because you need to be here for the time of when your children awaken from their slumber and realize they need you. If, you choose to make the ultimate decision to end your pain…you are wrong and you are selfish. Pick yourself up and make the conscious decision to fight back against the dark powers.

There is a way to do this and that is the power of self-healing. Step back from the fight. Concentrate on yourself and do something that promotes a different emotional environment for yourself. I understand how difficult this may be and how you may feel that you are giving up on your child through this process but, if you are damaged then you are no good to yourself nor your child.

Take time to heal. Go on that long awaited vacation. Go fishing. Camping with a friend? How about taking a dancing class? Perhaps counseling? Whatever you need to do make sure that fulfill your bucket list and come back a more complete person. After all, you’re worth it and so are your children. They need to have you back in their lives and not an emotional wreck. They need you as you once were.

Ultimately, the choice is yours to make. You can either choose to live in a silent, emotional fear and heartache or you can make the conscious decision to rise above this and heal yourself. Don’t be selfish in your actions. Consider who you are doing this for and that is your children. They deserve to have a super-mom or super-dad in their corner fighting for them.

Heal yourself from within and regain your life, your smile and your children. We all have this drive and fight inside us, we just have to reach down deep to find it. We do not have to be the living dead. We can instead be the living parents again!

By David Shubert

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#449, The Living Dead

Categories: A Parent’s heartache, Parent to Parent, Reality of Divorce 

Advice From a Divorce Attorney

 

A divorce attorney shares his thoughts on divorce.  To provide a home and family for their children.   This is an interesting take given his profession. The focus of his words are on the true matters of divorce-the children!  He is right on the money.

Going through a divorce is hard. Divorce is especially hard when there are children involved. As a divorce attorney I have seen many couples continue to fight over the custody and financial support of their children.

I secretly think that parents should seek counseling before going through the motions of divorce. Fix the marriage and provide a life for your children. As planned, in the beginning, when your children were born.

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#332, Advice from Divorce Attorney

Rather Than…

Excellent advice!   Research shows that a child exposed to parental conflict is MORE likely to experience social and academic problems. They are MORE likely to have physical health issues and mental healthy issues including depression and anxiety disorders.   Shielding the child from parental conflict during the divorce is a WIN for everyone.

AND,  

Divorce is between the parents-ABOUT THE CHILD!

LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!!

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Rather than looking at the family after 10 years post divorce and asking “what is there”- let’s look at the family and see what is not there. Kids not in trouble.  Kids not experiencing problems in school or hanging in out with the wrong crowds.  This is all because their parents were united and  had a friendly divorce.

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# 326, Rather Than…

Best Security Blanket

 

How true!  The best gift a parent can give their child is to have parents who love and respect each other.  Perfectly said!

What a great opportunity TPKF m

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Time to Put Kids First, TPKF

Link to TPKF Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/timetoputkidsfirst?fref=ts

#321, Best Security Blanket

Worst Thing

 

This parent shares their thoughts on divorce and the impact of divorce on their child.  She recognizes how divorce has changed her daughter.  Their family unit has been altered by divorce and the parental conflict during and following the divorce.

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Divorce is the worst thing that can happen to a child.  Parental divorce can be a life changer for children when the post divorce relationship is painfully different from the pre divorce relationship. After battling in family court for 12 years,  I have seen what this  has done to my daughter.  It has placed a big wall up in her life. Each day there is the task to   help her understand it all.   I would give anything to spare my daughter from the grief that my divorce has caused her.

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#320, Worst Thing

Fault Line in the Family

 

One parent shares the reality of divorce!  When there is parental conflict the child suffers!  When parents are unable to maintain a cordial relationship, the child goes without.  The reality is that when parents expose their kids to a lot of mudslinging and bad behavior, the child suffers.

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Divorce causes a fault line in families. I have had the misfortune to witness it twice at close range although my parents have never divorced and I have never married!

My current partner and my ex were both married with kids. The sad thing in both cases is the mothers wanted the kids to side with them and used them as pawns which damaged them irreparably. Things were never the same and never healed.

Kids are lied to, manipulated and led to believe their fathers are the worst thing on this earth which is not the case!

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#318, Fault line in the Family

Not Their Fault

 

This parent shares the reality of divorce!  THE IMPACT ON THE CHILD!!!!!  Sadly, children are the innocent victims of divorce.  They have no voice in the divorce.  They have no opinion on how to handle the logistics of daily living.  They are subject to the decisions and actions of their parents.  This is why Shared Parenting is so important.  

Divorce is between the parents-  ABOUT THE CHILD!!!

LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!!   LOVE WINS!!! 

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Children should be the number one reason not to get divorced! The effects that is has on them can be life altering. It’s not their fault that mommy and daddy are too immature to make a marriage work.

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#316, Not Their Fault