Art is a way for children to express their feelings and thoughts. This artwork demonstrates a difference in how they perceive their word. Notice how the white and fluffy clouds turn to black scribbles with very jagged bolts of lightening. The sun is sad with tears and the flowers are wilted. Even the tree is smaller and filled with less color. This child appears to be experiencing changes in her world. I hope the parents or teacher reach out to this child. Divorce is between the parents and about the child.
Adolescents may be especially impacted by the events of divorce. There may be the expectation they ‘deal’ with what is happening. Sometimes, a friend or family member may have the chance to talk about what is happening in their world. Offering the opportunity to share their feelings is essential.
#578, …Bigger Feelings
Kids in the Middle: https://www.kidsinthemiddle.org
Helping children cope with the divorce is an important part of the process. This offers a guide for children and adolescents talking about how to cope with their emotions and experiences. https://www.wikihow.com/Cope-with-Divorce-As-a-Child
#577, Focusing on Solutions
A thoughtful representation of divorce. Two children in between two parents. Larger objects typically represent bigger feelings and emotions. Divorce is between the parents and about the child! An article discussing children and divorce is available at: NPR.org https://www.npr.org/2019/04/24/716703920/what-if-we-lived-in-two-houses-talking-kids-through-divorce
#576 In Between the Parents
Everyone experiences divorce differently; Yet the emotions and feelings are the same. Celebrity status does not offset the experiences and reactions to parental divorce. Here is what the celebs are saying about their experience with parental divorce:
In a 2004 interview with Oprah,
Nicole Richie revealed how her dad Lionel Ritchie’s 1993 divorce from her mother, Brenda, affected her at eight years old: “When my dad divorced my mom it was kind of like him leaving me also.”
A co-celeb shared their observation: “They saw dad and mom fight alot- and then suddenly dad was gone. He stays an active part of their lives, but he isn’t there to tuck them into bed or read them stories.”
“They’re unhappy. It’s sad to see them.”
Actor and former footballer Vinnie Jones:
‘I had a brilliant childhood until Mum and Dad divorced when I was 13. That changed my life because it was like one of your parents dying. Divorce makes you rebel – it gives you insecurities and a licence to do what you want, because your mum and dad are always playing a game with you.’
Socialite Tamara Ecclestone
‘All I wanted was for Mum and Dad to get back together. I felt like everything I’d known had gone. When they split up, I took refuge in food. I ate and ate and ate. But still I couldn’t fill the void. When they divorced I found it hard to deal with. It was a big change – and I’m not good with change.’
Actress Isla Fisher:
‘You can’t underestimate how traumatic divorce is for the children. When your parents divorce, it makes you grow up fast. I’d urge parents to strongly consider working things out. I’d work things out and I’d definitely stay put. Especially if there were babies involved.’
‘Because my parents divorced when we were in our late teens, my siblings and I developed strong connections. you don’t live with your parents in the same way.’ Nigella recently divorced her second husband Charles Saatchi on the grounds of his continuing unreasonable behaviour.
One Direction’s Harry Styles
‘When I was seven my mum and dad divorced and that was quite a weird time. I remember crying about it. I didn’t really get what was going on properly – I was just sad that my parents wouldn’t be together any more.’
Alison Eastwood (daughter of Clint Eastwood)
‘My parents divorced when I was six. I had to grow up very fast. It’s hard as a kid not to take a break-up personally. Even if your parents say, ‘You did nothing wrong’, there’s still a part of you that thinks, ‘Is it me? Do they not love me?’ You feel like the glue that sticks them together, and when that comes undone, there’s always that awful little thing in the back of your mind. I felt rejected and that affects your self-esteem.’
Peaches Geldof (daughter of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates)
‘My parents had a very public, bitter divorce and I was old enough to see what was going on. People talked about us and I knew it was horrendous. For us children, it was an environment that was impossible, veering between a week with my mother and then a week with my father. It was like living on a permanent seesaw. Those feelings have stayed with me.’
Peter Huhne, son of former cabinet minister Chris Huhne
Devastated over his parents’ marriage break-up, his father’s infidelity and lies about a speeding offence, Peter [pictured with his mother Vicky Pryce] said to him: ‘So nice to see our entire relationship reduced to lies. Do you take me for an idiot? The fact you said your parents were happier as a result of their divorce was disgusting’ You are the most ghastly man I have ever known.’
News presenter Susanna Reid
‘I had a choppy childhood after my parents divorced when I was nine. When Mum told me that she and Dad were getting divorced, I cried and cried. I don’t blame them and I know it was the right thing, but it was so sad.’
Singer Corrine Bailey Rae:
‘My parents divorced when I was a teenager. As the eldest of three sisters, I was my mum’s confidante. You grow up fast working out how something went wrong.’
TV presenter Amanda De Cadenet
‘I came from a divorced home and displayed all the behaviour of a young woman struggling to find an identity and seeking to fill the loneliness with anything I could.’
“I blamed my mom a lot [for the divorce] because I wanted a family so bad,” “I wanted to have my mom and dad together. I remember just being angry with my mom. I still feel really bad about that.”
“I recall hearing my parents argue and thinking: ‘Come on, this is torture. Just split!’ They stuck it out until I was 15, but I’d seen it coming for years. When they finally did divorce, I thought: ‘OK, this is the right thing’.”
#562, Celebs and Parental Divorce
Is this a realistic picture of the Family Court System? Financial incentives participate in court decisions impacting children and parents. We need to shift our focus to the child and create changes within the family court system that will enhance the child-parent relationship.
Shared on the Father’s Rights Movement.
#575, In the Best Interest of Money
Everyone likes to be acknowledged. In trying situations the positive words from a stranger can have life-long implications for both individuals. Here is a heart warming story about offering emotional support and recognizing the efforts of a devoted parent.
Tonight at a conference my eyes were drawn to a Father sitting next to us who had three young sons in his care. Probably ages 12, 9 & 7.
I watched on as I was amazed at the affection this Father showed for his sons.
No matter what they asked him, he gave each one his full attention. He kissed & hugged them continually.
I was wondering why I was so drawn to know his story. Where was Mum? Was he a single Dad? Did his wife pass away? I wasn’t sure but I’m eyes were transfixed on his love for them, and also the love the eldest son showed for his younger brothers.
When the conference finished I felt to tell him “he’s a great dad and that he needed to hear that”
As I walked past I leant down to his ear and said “I want you to know I was watching you with your boys, your a wonderful Father”
You should have seen his face light up. It was like he was shocked and then again so happy at that comment.
“Thank you” he said…
As I left the Auditorium I told my husband what I said and he also said he was going to say the same thing.
Ten minutes later my husband ran into him again where we were all picking up our kids.
He walked up to my husband and just asked how our night was.
I then approached their conversation and this man still intrigued me.
“What was his story we wondered?”
As my husband asked him where he was from and about the kids, he started to tell us how he brought his 5 kids (yes he also had 2 Girls) down from Brisbane for this 1 week conference. That he wanted more than anything to give his kids the joy of experiencing this and to have this time with them.
My ears starting to tune in, I was starting to feel I think I do have a single Dad here.
Then he drops the penny.
He hadn’t seen his kids in 3 months, they live further away from him, he’s in a messy court battle with his ex, he’s been told he’s not a good father and the story goes on.
I knew it. God works in mysterious ways doesn’t he. The amount of times I have had separated/divorced parents put in my path I can’t tell you.
I put my hand on his arm and said well I do understand as you are what I write and talk about.
With my eyes filling up I shared with him what I do (Voice4kids) and he was shocked. Even he said wow, this is a God moment.
I shared with him my heart (and yes I cried) as I told him what an amazing Dad I saw in him etc…
It was such a lovely moment that my husband and I were able to witness tonight.
I told him I feel to bless him with my 2 Books and he can’t wait to receive them.
*THESE ARE MOMENTS I LIVE FOR.
*THESE ARE THE MOMENTS I PRAY FOR.
*THIS IS WHY I DO WHAT I DO.
As shared on http://www.voice4kids Facebook page:
#210, A Tender Moment