In the world of divorce, some fathers are categorized in a negative fashion. This father shares his thoughts on the relationship with his daughter before and after her birth. Fatherly pride is ever present. The one thing that stands out is that this daddy loves his baby!
This fathers experience with the family court system is, sadly, not atypical.
Importantly, at the end of the post there are quotes from several professionals that seem to place emphasis on the injustice of the court system that often fails to protect the very beings they are designed to protect-THE FAMILY UNIT and THE CHILD!
I am a father.
Not a deadbeat, not a coward, not a man that runs away from being a father, or a deserter of my own flesh and blood. Not a sperm donor or a court appointed ATM, but a Father in the purest form of the word. And while choosy “Moms choose Jif”, I sit, at 3:05 am holding the hot hands of a sick 7 year old princess. But that’s my job.
Because I am a father.
I would speak to my daughter while she was in utero. She would respond with little kicks and from the womb.. we interacted, and hadn’t even seen each other yet. When you immediately accept that, even before your child takes its first breath, you are already a Father you immediately begin to bond with your child.
The Family Law court system as a whole, and it’s Judges destroy the lives of children and in turn entire families by violating a Father’s right to Due process and equal protection under the law. But we’ve known that for decades. Anyone that thinks or believes that there is Due process for fathers in the Family Law Court system should be placed in a padded room and heavily sedated.
Why is it ok for Fathers to miss their children? Why is it ok for a Father to be sick and wrapped in worry? Why is it permissible for “Non Custodial” parents to start legal proceedings at an immediate disadvantage? Why is there no legislation in place to safeguard Fathers that are being swept in amid the men that make us all look bad?
We are judged before the first hearing.
It physically hurts on days I don’t have my daughter with me. “Depression hurts” as the commercial for anti-depressants says right? Ask yourself, what parent wouldn’t be stressed sleepless concerned about their child? Therefore forcing time away from a parent and child would reasonably cause a great deal of stress and worry.. to truly say the least.
But the Family Law Court its Judges, are far from reasonable.
Now, just imagine that you’re sitting at your desk at work, and two armed Sheriffs approach the receptionist’s desk, then your intercom buzzes, and you are then summoned to the front desk. The Sheriff asks you for your name, And then politely informs you that you have been served with child support papers…and that’s just the beginning.
Keep in mind that you are the same father that went through the entire pregnancy, CPR classes, ultrasounds, the Birth ya know, Dad stuff. For the record, ( a sidebar really, ) Any man that has stood side by side, each day and night for nine months with a hormonal, morning noon and night vomiting, habitual mood swinger knows that Fathers don’t exactly have it easy during a nine month pregnancy either. whether you are an amazing Father, or a deadbeat looser, Family Law Court will filter your life through Hell all the same.
I am a Father.
With no criminal record, never been arrested, no history of violence, domestic or other.. At what point did I ask to be Non-Custodial. There is nothing “Non-Custodial” about me.
I have never needed a court order to care for my Daughter.
Since when have I not been a Father?
I clinch my fist and grit my teeth while, the very system set in place to protect our families Not only fatally fails, but spits in my face and violates my rights.
“There is no system ever devised by mankind that is guaranteed to rip husband and wife or father, mother and child apart so bitterly than our present Family Court System.”
-Judge Brian Lindsay Retired Supreme Court Judge, New York, New York
What Social Services is good at is removing “Power” from people.
When this is accomplished, then there go choices. -Mr. Charles Johnson
Shared on Supporters of South Dakota Shared Parenting on April 20, 2014.
Link to FB page for Supporters of South Dakota Shared Parenting:
#139, I Am A Father